Moral support needed!

monicamj

Thanks, did not have chance to talk to him before Dr Who as he was home late from work. Have just had a discussion with him where he tried to persuade me that the whiskey he is about to buy should go on card as there is an interest free period rather than use the cash that we have to hand.

DervProf

monicamj wrote: »

Thanks, did not have chance to talk to him before Dr Who as he was home late from work. Have just had a discussion with him where he tried to persuade me that the whiskey he is about to buy should go on card as there is an interest free period rather than use the cash that we have to hand.

So that`s OK then ! :rolleyes:

The way I look at money is that you only earn it once, and you can only spend that earned money once. When the whisky is gone, the £15(?) that it cost will be gone. The £15 of debt that could have been paid off will still be there. It sounds like your OH is showing the classic signs of someone who is not too bothered about debt, and is burying his head in the sand. It`s the emotional urge to spend money (or to have a drink) that is making him come up with this idea of using interest free credit to buy the booze. OK, you may not be in any serious amount of debt, but it`s his attitude than can lead to further problems. If you adopt my system of having a monthly allowance, and no more, he can still have his whisky, but once it`s gone, it`s gone. The rest of your money can be used more wisely. If he refuses to accept the idea of a monthly allowance, I`m afraid that the problem is obviously more deep rooted. I believe you stated in your OP that you might want to have kid(s). I wonder if he`s trying to avoid this issue by keeping you "poor" ?

I`d better shut up before I get too personal, or start to give advice that should be given by someone who is more informed about relationships.

LilacPixie

oopsie double post

LilacPixie

:rolleyes:

I'm afraid i went a little drastic with mine. I took our joint account cards from him and replaced it with a visa electron card that I transfer £15 per week too for his 'treats'.

It does sound harsh but we had almost 25k of unsecured debt and this is stopping us saving money to move house and with 1 toddler and an imminent arrival it really is priority.

He received plenty of notice that if he continued to behave like a child with the 'I wants' and 'gimmee gimmee gimmee' then I would treat him as such and i did.

monicamj

Derv - you may be right. I didn't talk to him last night about it last night because I'm afraid of what he'll say. But what argument can he come up with thats against being debt free? Regards of having children or anything else it would free up a large amount of our income.

Lilac - how did your OH feel about you doing this?

DervProf

monicamj wrote: »

Derv - you may be right. I didn't talk to him last night about it last night because I'm afraid of what he'll say. But what argument can he come up with thats against being debt free? Regards of having children or anything else it would free up a large amount of our income.

Lilac - how did your OH feel about you doing this?

Possible replies you will get :

"A little bit of debt won`t hurt".

"You`ve got to live for today".

"You worry too much".

He will not come up with anything really logical. The one thing that I explain to anyone who has debt, and doesn`t seem too bothered by it is -

Ultimately, paying for things with borrowed money will cost you more. From birth to grave, if you don`t have much debt, you`ll be able to spend more money. Debt will reduce the amount of money you spend in your lifetime.

It really is that simple. The problem is trying to get people to take this idea on board. Buying stuff with a credit card is fine, as long as you pay off the full balance when the statement arrives. I do this, as it saves carrying cash around. In fact, I get 1% cashback on everything I buy with my card, that gives me more money to buy more stuff, or more money to save which gives me even more money in the future ! Now, luckily, I have never had to resort to borrowing money to make ends meet. If I did suffer a loss of income, I`d cut back on spending, borrow as little as possible, then pay it off as soon as possible. My work has gone very quiet recently, but borrowing money should not be required, as I have saved enough money to keep me going for a while until work picks up again. Having savings gives you a massive advantage if you become unemployed.

1) You can still pay the bills for a while.

2) You won`t have to get into debt (for a while).

3) You can earn interest on your savings, so that give you more to spend.

4) When you get back into work, you`ll hopefully have no debt to pay off, so you benefit more from your pay packet.

Above all, earn £1 and spend 99p. Don`t earn £1 and spend £1.01.

I need a coffee (bought from Lidl ).

Buffythedebtslayer

sorry to butt in but DervProf have you had debt and got out of it? or just always been like this? hope you don't mind me asking, I was just wondering as I was looking at my money the other day, I have tried really hard to pay off debts, but keep coming up against expenses that I guess are to be expected but well I didn't expect them! and then the choice between getting some where/doing things and getting out of debt?

for example, do I learn to to drive -so I can change my job and perhaps be a bit happier or do I pay off debts first? (which would also make me happy but take a lot longer)

sorry am hungry and need breakfast, so that would be why this doesn't make much sense!

If I was in a relationship I wonder if I would be like the male OH's I read about on here or not. some days yes and somedays no I guess!

DervProf

Buffy,

Ah, interesting point about always being in debt.

Yes, at one or two points in my life, I have owed more money than I`ve got. When I was just starting work I had one or two car loans, and less saved than I`d borrowed. I paid the loans off in full. When I took on my mortgage, I obviously had a lot more debt than savings. In the early years of having the mortgage, I always made sure that the mortgage and household bills were paid before buying any goodies or holidays. More recently I switched to an offset mortgage, so my savings cut the interest on the mortgage payments. I also made overpayments, to reduce the mortgage balance more quickly.

Anyway, I suppose I`ve been "lucky", and not had to take on debt to cover the bills. Is this because I`ve always earned plenty of money ? No. My income has never been above average. I believe that most people could avoid debt if they were more careful with their finances in the first place. Obviously there are exceptions. All sorts of problems can crop up. I could have bought a car that required expensive repairs. The roof on the house could have started leaking. The central heating boiler might have needed replacing. If any of these things had happened, I may have needed to borrow money to cover the repairs. However, this sort of debt is only temporary, and while paying off this debt, I would have cut back elsewher until it was paid. Luck is a factor in avoiding debt, but I suspect that a lot of people have debt problems that were self inflicted, rather than having had bad luck.

I think that one of the biggest factors of debt problems has been caused by rampant house price inflation over the past decade. I bought my house in the mid nineties, and haven`t moved since. I could have done, but didn`t. I could have released equity, but didn`t. I looked around at all those who were "getting rich" from the increase in property prices, and thought it would end in tears. Looks like I thought right.

Oh, you asked about taking driving lessons. If passing your driving test will enable you to earn more money, I`d say go ahead (as long as you can still maintain payments on your existing debt). What you must also think about is that it isn`t just the cost of driving lessons that you will need to find, there`s the small matter of running a car when you pass your test. If you think the financial benefit from being able to drive will not be that great, then I`d say wait until most, if not all of your debt is payed off before you learn to drive. If you don`t, you`ll probably end up in more debt, for a longer time. Be patient.

monicamj

Derv - you are right, if we had stayed living as frugally as we did when DH wasn't working we could probably have paid off the debts we had acquired. Because we didn't do that it is now difficult to cut down on the extra things that we have been spending on.

DervProf

monicamj wrote: »

Derv - you are right, if we had stayed living as frugally as we did when DH wasn't working we could probably have paid off the debts we had acquired. Because we didn't do that it is now difficult to cut down on the extra things that we have been spending on.

If you can get DH to see this, you`ve cracked it ! Try explaining to him my "no debt = more money to spend" principal. Hopefully he`ll "see the light" !

PS. I was expecting to read comments such as "yes, it`s OK for you Derv, but it`s not as simple as that" in reply to my posts. I realise that it is easy for me to see things the way I do, it`s my character. However, I believe my attitude to money is a fairly good one, and my comments might help others that have trouble handling financial matters.