Outrageous Liars

sassyblue · 28 January 2013 at 3:34PM

It's Monday and we need a laugh. What has been the most outrageous lie you've ever heard, or do you know someone who is completely unable to live through the week without telling a porker? Hope this thread doesn't offend anyone but it might help people to know it's not THEIR problem encountering these types of people.

Years ago my parents had some new neighbours move in, the father liked to throw his weight around, they were new to the area and he wanted to appear bigger and braver than any man that went before. He told my parents that he might come and go at odd times and be away for a while but that was because he was in the SAS and could be 'deployed' at any time. He told lots of people this, because of course SAS work is not very secretive is it?

Turns out he was a burglar who regularly went down to London with some friends for 'jobs'. He was eventually caught and went to give Her Majesty pleasure. He had a string of convictions and the times he was on his top secret missions he was really behind bars. No one would have been any the wiser had it not all appeared in the local paper when he was sent down. She moved not long after, probably to spin the same story somewhere else.

Another....We have a man come into our workplace to collect goods for someone. He first popped in a couple of years ago, l never ask people how they are - especially ones l don't know - but this one proceeded to tell us all about himself....

First off his ex-partner was stuffing him for maintenance on kids l'm pretty sure he said were not his, but he stumps up for them. Turns out he's suffering from terminal cancer too and can't work. Most recently he was competing in a motorcycle race and during the race had a 'terrible' (his description) stroke which landed him in hospital for 3 weeks and he's still trying to regain the use of his right side - he still managed to finish the race though, and he drives around today.

barbiedoll · 28 January 2013 at 3:52PM

My mate lives next door to a woman whose boyfriend said that he worked for MI5 as an "operative" and that he often had to work late into the night.

My mate spotted him shifting trolleys at Asda one day. When she told him that she thought she'd seen him there, he told her not to say anything as he was working undercover, trying to get to the bottom of a terrorist plot involving Asda employees. :eek::eek:

Not too sure how that panned out but two years later, he's still moving trolleys around, I saw him there last week! :rotfl:

Teeniepops · 28 January 2013 at 3:55PM

Ha! Love the story about the SAS fella.

I know a girl who, after every relationship has ended, said it is because she found out he was gonna propose. A lot of the said guys can't get over her - one even ringing her the morning of their wedding apparently! Thing is, SHE can't leave them be and texts etc whenever she hears they're moving on. She is only 25 and if all these men had proposed to her, would have been engaged about 15 times in the 6 years I've known her. She tends to elaborate with anything and everything though and is the typical 'you went to Tenerife. I went to Elevenerife' person. Harmless though.

The worst lies I've heard have always been post-breakup. Some amusing but some harmful, though the woman admitted to the lies eventually.

It's amazing how many people lie and don't realise though.

P.S I bet none of you knew I was Demi
Moore did you?

hehe

ostrichnomore_2 · 28 January 2013 at 3:58PM

Most ridiculous and obviously untrue lie ever

Ex - still insists that he was not in any sort of relationship with, was not having an affair with, had no secret contact whatsoever with, had not exchanged emails or phone calls with, had never met secretly, - the woman he was dumping me for, to go and live with!

He actually managed to keep insisting that with a straight face despite my saying 'do you know how ridiculous you sound.' (among many other things, lol).

If you are going to lie, at least try to make it slightly credible!

aileth · 28 January 2013 at 4:15PM

Someone I used to know who insisted he worked as a PA getting paid £150,000-£200,000 up north (He was 18 at the time) but always talked about how 'skint' he was and refused to buy any drinks/rounds!

From what we managed to dig up, he was actually a coffee jockey getting paid the min wage!

Hermia · 28 January 2013 at 4:20PM

A woman in my class at college used to claim that she was going out with a Hollywood actor. She was very obese and plain and not the type a Hollywood star would go out with. She also used to chat about the date they had been on at the weekend and someone would inevitably point out that he had been pictured at a premiere in LA on the same day... I can sort of understand a lonely person creating an imaginary partner so they can fit in with their peers, but would you not create a believable partner rather than an A-list celeb?

Mrs_Imp · 28 January 2013 at 4:21PM

'My nan just died'
This was after her 'illness' in hospital that I hinted I didn't believe in. He even took time off work to go to her 'funeral' and the 'reading of the will'.

'Sorry I'm late. I witnessed a car crash on the motorway and had to stop and help the injured. I got covered in blood so had to stop at the services to change my clothes' ummm....where are said clothes so they can be washed?

'Someone else at work used my log in to commit fraud, so I got fired today' ummmm....nope. You failed the training weeks so weren't allowed to continue.

He even told a reporter he was a CEO, when he was a trainee (failed that one too) then said the reporter got it wrong.

etc etc :rotfl:

GlasweJen · 28 January 2013 at 4:34PM

I went to uni with a girl who met a guy in a chat room. He was perfect for her until they arranged to meet up and her banker from London turned out to be about 14.

But the Lamborghini was his, there's legislation that says prodigies can drive before they're 17, because he is a genius and doing a degree in law distance learning with Oxford but had to attend his local comp because the law said he had to go there until he turned 16.

She believed this and wouldn't hear a word against him, she actually spent so much time travelling from Edinburgh to London to see him that she failed 2nd year and almost got arrested when his mum found out about them.

System · 28 January 2013 at 4:37PM

Someone who lives in my road swears he's got a villa in Spain. £60,000 in the bank and owns his own house.

Yeah if thats true why is the tax man knocking on his door after his blood. Why do i get bailiffs knock on my door asking if he still lives there? Oh and why, are his children sleeping on camp beds on the floor.

Shouldnt laugh really (about the kids sleeping on camp beds bit).

I hate liars.

Hezzawithkids · 28 January 2013 at 4:37PM

Teeniepops wrote: »

She tends to elaborate with anything and everything though and is the typical 'you went to Tenerife. I went to Elevenerife' person. Harmless though.

LOL I had a friend who did this too! She lived in a fantasy world where every guy fancied her, she had a racy, exotic lifestyle and whatever you did or had she always had to go one better. In reality she chased after men constantly and had a reputation as a bit of a s**t. I was with her once reading an item in the paper about a favourite book of ours that was "currently" being filmed. She has been to the US the previous month and declared she had already seen it. When I asked how that was possible she said it was because everything is ahead in America! :rotfl:

Reggie_Rebel · 28 January 2013 at 4:42PM

I never see the point in telling porkies. In fact I said as much last to Nelson Mandela, Holly Willoboobies, Nicole Kidman and Kirsten Dunst as we tucked into roast swan, when Nelson retired about 8.30 the four of us left had a whale of a time.

Outrageous Liars

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