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Because I'm bl**dy well worth it!

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Well, it is that time of year again - I have been on MSE now for 5 years, and December therefore generally marks a natural point of reassessing for me.....usually including a new diary....so why should this year be any different.

This is chapter 15. Will there ever be a final chapter? Who knows. I reckon it will be a bit like those long running sit coms where you get the final series ever after 10 years, only to be followed up by a Christmas special, a feature length movie, a couple of "prequels" and just as you thought it was safe to let go, a special Comic Relief DVD makes its appearance.......

So, anyway, where were we? Or rather, where am I? And the answer is "how the heck do I know?!?" :rotfl:

Moneywise, I get by. DD is 17 and has left college so all financial support for her has stopped, whether from XOH or child benefit etc. She doesn't earn much, only working part time on a temp contract, so is not yet self sufficient and contributing, but she knows that I can't throw money at her any more. She has one more block of driving lessons that I have agreed to pay for before her test at the beginning of January. If she fails it, she will have to fund the next set of lessons herself. She hasn't yet had a paypacket, and her contract could end very soon, so we will address her finances and contributions when things are a little more certain for her.

DS is 16, in his final year of high school, and looking to go to college to do catering in September. He has a Saturday job so generally funds his own "spends", although as a strapping sporty lad, his food bill doesn't get any cheaper! Driving lessons for him will start next year and having funded DD's, I will do the same for him.

Skiing - well, that continues, but to a far lesser extent, as there is just not the money to do it. It plays a big part in our lives, but this year for the first time, I don't have anything booked for myself, DS has just one week of training planned, and DD is actually heading out to the Alps in February to WORK instead of to play.

As you will all be aware, I am spending money on stuff for myself now. I have started to be "me".....definitely a work in progress but, oh what progress :D I have invested time, and money, in looking and feeling more like the person I want to be.

For years I was bottom of the pile, as many of us find ourselves - due to debts, kids, lack of time, lack of happiness in relationships, low confidence, low self esteem, blah blah blah. I am learning that my rightful place is much closer to the top of that pile, and I am worth so much more than I ever allowed myself to have before. This is not just money-wise....eg there wasn't previously the cash available to have regular salon visits before, but I now know that I can look good and feel good in so many ways that I had never given myself worthiness for in the past.

There has been a lot of addressing of what I want and, as importantly, what I don't want. For example, I don't want to be chasing the DFW line that I have been "forced" to follow in previous years. I actually have no desire to mystery shop, to do surveys, to get things on ebay, etc. I've done it to death, and I truly want to free up my time to keep myself in balance. This means no extra cash coming in at a time when my spending is possibly at its highest. HOWEVER, it is vitally important for me to make these decisions and not to force myself into doing something I don't want to do. For example, I was asked to teach yesterday as they found themselves without a tutor.....6 hours work - nice amount of money. But I simply didn't want to do it. So I said NO. :eek:

So, I will be looking to retain that element of doing only (within the constraints of good parenting, career enhancement and the like) what I want to do, for reasons that I choose. What those things will be, I don't know - I have changed my expectations and outlooks far more than I ever expected over the last few weeks as I have started to ditch some of the crap that was taking over my head.

This diary will follow that.....it won't be focused on every penny as it has been in the past, and essentially I am still a very private person in terms of my personal life, for various reasons, so I cannot vouch for its usefulness to anyone on MSE any more.....but it is here, anyone is free to contribute, and we'll just see how things pan out.

So, before this post gets banned for being the longest most boringest ever, I will submit......with just one statement:

Yes, I am bloody well worth it.....and I am so much bigger than anyone who thinks otherwise :D
Successful women can still have their feet on the ground. They just wear better shoes. (Maud Van de Venne)
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone (Neale Donald Walsch)
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Comments

  • Kittikins
    Kittikins Posts: 5,335 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Well said Hypno, good for you on concentrating on what you WANT these days and for knowing the balance that needs to be struck between wants and needs :) Happy new diary (subscribes)
  • Well said Hypno, and about time too!

    Happy New Diary.
    TDQ
  • ZTD
    ZTD Posts: 24,327 Forumite
    hypno06 wrote: »
    So, I will be looking to retain that element of doing only (within the constraints of good parenting, career enhancement and the like) what I want to do, for reasons that I choose. What those things will be, I don't know - I have changed my expectations and outlooks far more than I ever expected over the last few weeks as I have started to ditch some of the crap that was taking over my head.

    That's good. It was starting to be worrying.
    hypno06 wrote: »
    This diary will follow that.....it won't be focused on every penny as it has been in the past, and essentially I am still a very private person in terms of my personal life, for various reasons, so I cannot vouch for its usefulness to anyone on MSE any more.....but it is here, anyone is free to contribute, and we'll just see how things pan out.

    So working to live rather than living to work?
    hypno06 wrote: »
    So, before this post gets banned for being the longest most boringest ever, I will submit......with just one statement:

    Yes, I am bloody well worth it.....and I am so much bigger than anyone who thinks otherwise :D

    Now if I had said that... ;)

    Happy new diary.
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."
    OMD 'Julia's Song'
  • hello Gorgeous inspirational one

    obviously subscribing

    not much else to say pre first cup of tea!

    Love Buffy xxx
    Nevertheless she persisted.
  • lucielle
    lucielle Posts: 11,481 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Well said Hypno. Looking forward to the next chapter.
    L
    Total Debt Dec 07 £59875.83 Overdrafts £2900,New Debt Figure ZERO !!!!!!:j 08/06/2013
    Lucielle's Daring Debt Free Journey
    DFD Before we Die!!!! Long Haul Supporter #124
  • cleggie
    cleggie Posts: 2,169 Forumite
    Hi Hypno.
    i havent read any of your other diaries, but i just wanted to say how lovely your first post in this diary is!
    You are right, its easy to put yourself at the bottom of the (very heavy!) pile, and its great to see that you are climbing out from under that pile and finding yourself. Well done!

    looking forward to reading some more of your entries!
  • benbenandme
    benbenandme Posts: 12,334 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Photogenic
    Ooooh, a nice new diary :D:D Here's to a good year ahead missus, lots of laughs, new shoes and pennies :T :T
    Mortgage Total: £51,801 / £75,000
    Mortgage Overpayments Pot £534
  • skint_spice
    skint_spice Posts: 13,351 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Not getting things on ebay? Unless it's a wee Hobbs bargain eh :D?

    Onwards and upwards!
    Mortgage OP 2025 £5850/7000
    Mortgage OP 2024 £7700/7000

    Mortgage balance: £36,830
    2029 Holiday fund £356/7000

    ”Do what others won’t early in life so you can do what others can’t later in life” (stolen from Gally Girl)
  • hypno06
    hypno06 Posts: 32,296 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ZTD wrote: »
    That's good. It was starting to be worrying.

    It was worrying to me too, and I'm a long way from being clear of it yet, but I am definitely on the right track, albeit with a few diversions thrown in along the way to be dealt with. I can't ask for more at this stage of the proceedings

    So working to live rather than living to work?

    Yes, that is the aim.

    There are things I want to do, some of them on a day to day basis, and some of them on more of a "one off" basis. All of them, however, cost money to a certain extent - either in terms of a real handing over of cash, or on the "opportunity cost" of taking up time doing something you want to do, even if that is doing nothing other than watching SATC boxsets, when you could be earning money.

    This means that I do really have to knuckle down to making things work within my salary. I have a relatively good income, but I have no other help financially to speak of now. I also have a large mortgage (albeit for a home that I love) and the running costs of a 16 and 17 year old.

    And of course, prices are going up and wages are not. Despite my job title, I am not that stereotype, and here in the sticks, I don't get paid a city salary, city bonuses or have any of those "trappings" that people assume I have. And, like I say, financial assistance from elsewhere is negligable so I really am doing this on my own. I don't qualify for any sort of tax credits etc, XOH doesn't want to contribute and I cannot force him to, and therefore the only person I can rely on is myself.

    So, unless I want to force myself to compromise a lot on my lifestyle, or back into taking every bit of "MSE" work that comes along regardless of whether I want to do it or not, I need to really concentrate, and not get carried away.

    That sounds simple, but the last few months, really, have been a bit all over the place for me, and I haven't kept my eye on the ball as much as I should have done. I was lacking control in many areas, and I had no idea where I was heading.

    I have now accepted that not knowing where you are heading is not necessarily a bad thing, so I am taking control of that. Slowly but surely.
    Successful women can still have their feet on the ground. They just wear better shoes. (Maud Van de Venne)
    Life begins at the end of your comfort zone (Neale Donald Walsch)
  • hypno06
    hypno06 Posts: 32,296 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Not getting things on ebay? Unless it's a wee Hobbs bargain eh :D?

    Onwards and upwards!

    Ah you misread me - I mean not *putting* things on ebay......

    Buying beautiful bargainous things is a different matter entirely :D
    Successful women can still have their feet on the ground. They just wear better shoes. (Maud Van de Venne)
    Life begins at the end of your comfort zone (Neale Donald Walsch)
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