Because I'm bl**dy well worth it!

ZTD

hypno06 wrote: »

It was worrying to me too, and I'm a long way from being clear of it yet, but I am definitely on the right track, albeit with a few diversions thrown in along the way to be dealt with. I can't ask for more at this stage of the proceedings

Yes you can! You can ask for it all! With chocolate sauce and sprinklies...

Doesn't mean you'll get it, but it doesn't stop you asking.

hypno06 wrote: »

There are things I want to do, some of them on a day to day basis, and some of them on more of a "one off" basis. All of them, however, cost money to a certain extent - either in terms of a real handing over of cash, or on the "opportunity cost" of taking up time doing something you want to do, even if that is doing nothing other than watching SATC boxsets, when you could be earning money.

Don't sweat opportunity cost too much. Otherwise I'll make you count up "Consumer Surplus" - and then you'll be sorry...

hypno06 wrote: »

This means that I do really have to knuckle down to making things work within my salary. I have a relatively good income, but I have no other help financially to speak of now. I also have a large mortgage (albeit for a home that I love) and the running costs of a 16 and 17 year old.

You'll just have to get them working some more. They're too big now for the chimneys, so down the salt-mines with 'em...

hypno06 wrote: »

And of course, prices are going up and wages are not. Despite my job title, I am not that stereotype, and here in the sticks,

*You're* in the sticks? I must be 200 miles beyond the sticks then... :eek:

hypno06 wrote: »

That sounds simple, but the last few months, really, have been a bit all over the place for me, and I haven't kept my eye on the ball as much as I should have done. I was lacking control in many areas, and I had no idea where I was heading.

I have now accepted that not knowing where you are heading is not necessarily a bad thing, so I am taking control of that. Slowly but surely.

Rosa Bernica posted a couple of videos on her thread, which you probably would enjoy looking at.

MatyMoo

Happy new diary Hypno

I think you sound more centred than you have in the last few weeks :j I hope it continues forward.

hypno06

In terms of salary when compared with my London peers, I am very definitely in the sticks, Z!

DS and DD are both hardworking, and have both lived the same MSE honest life over the past few years that I have. They are well grounded, and have learned valuable life skills over the past few years that will stand them in good stead for the future. But of course they too have to have the balance there, in particular DS with school etc, so there is only so much they can be expected to do.

They both do, however, contribute in other ways too - this is a house of three adults living comfortably and happily together - and that means mucking in, respecting space, and lots of other things that don't have a price attached to them.

hypno06

MatyMoo wrote: »

Happy new diary Hypno

I think you sound more centred than you have in the last few weeks :j I hope it continues forward.

The last few weeks have been rather bizarre, one way or another, I cannot deny. Lots of things have happened though to change my ways of thinking - some of them good, some not so good. I have learned much about me, lost what I thought was my best friend, and am surprising myself with what I am now realising is important to me.

Like I say, some way to go, and mistakes and hurt happen along the way, but they are outweighed by the good points that emerge from it and that will carry me forward.

Emotional doesn't even come close :rotfl:

MatyMoo

hypno06 wrote: »

The last few weeks have been rather bizarre, one way or another, I cannot deny. Lots of things have happened though to change my ways of thinking - some of them good, some not so good. I have learned much about me, lost what I thought was my best friend, and am surprising myself with what I am now realising is important to me.

Like I say, some way to go, and mistakes and hurt happen along the way, but they are outweighed by the good points that emerge from it and that will carry me forward.

Emotional doesn't even come close :rotfl:

This is very sad and is probably contributing to the emotional side

It is amazing how that changes as the years go on and, yes, you are bloody worth it

Sounds like you could do with a hug Hypno, sending them in bucket loads

ZTD

hypno06 wrote: »

The last few weeks have been rather bizarre, one way or another, I cannot deny. Lots of things have happened though to change my ways of thinking - some of them good, some not so good. I have learned much about me,

Good stuff I hope.

hypno06 wrote: »

lost what I thought was my best friend,

:grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

and am surprising myself with what I am now realising is important to me.

Why surprising? Is this a change? Or is this just something you've ignored for years?

hypno06 wrote: »

Like I say, some way to go, and mistakes and hurt happen along the way, but they are outweighed by the good points that emerge from it and that will carry me forward.

:T

hypno06 wrote: »

Emotional doesn't even come close :rotfl:

:grouphug:

millionaire_in_training

Hypno. It's so hard sometimes but we always come out the other end. I am about to lose my best friend ( my mum) and I know exactly where you are at. So difficult putting the thoughts in some sort of order as some of them are quite mad :rotfl:. All the best xx

hypno06

Thank you for the hugs, Maty and Z....much appreciated, and yes there is a lot of emotion being released one way or another.....but in a way perhaps I've not done so before.

Learning what is important to me is surprising, partly I guess because I haven't acknowledged those issues before. Perhaps because what was important to me was more straightforward - paying the debt each month, financial survival, keeping the family going, etc etc etc.

Now it is more about what is important to *me*, that is me the person, not just me the Mum, me the Wife/ex-wife, me the controller of household finances. I don't know that I ever ignored it as such, it just didn't make an appearance before.

And when you find yourself truly questioning things about yourself, sometimes the answers are surprising. A couple of years ago I would have been shocked at some of these, now I say run with them and see what happens.

Losing friends is sad. I cannot pretend that it is anything but. However, I guess sometimes it happens. It is the whole "reason, season, lifetime" thing.

The way I am trying to look at things now is:

Do I let myself down?
Do I let my children down?
Do I let my employers down?

And if the answer to those three fundamental questions is "No", then I can allow myself to comfortably run with whatever is going on.

I cannot make others like me. I've done that in the past, trying too hard to be what everyone else expects from me, to worry about what others think of me, and to not honest with myself.

It is all a learning curve.....but as long as I can answer "no" to those three questions above, what is the worst that can happen?

LAM2011

Hi Hypno - you have always been such an inspiration for me (having followed a few previous diaries) and I can totally relate to your opening post - you are at the place where I want to be. At the moment I am in the place where I am pretty much bottom of the pile and I keep slogging on with the ebaying, surveys - finding pennies etc but one day .....

I am going to try keep up with your diary and pop in from time to time .

ZTD

hypno06 wrote: »

I cannot make others like me. I've done that in the past, trying too hard to be what everyone else expects from me, to worry about what others think of me, and to not honest with myself.

Those are not friends. Those are acquaintances. Except "acquaintanise" looks silly as a facebook button.

"Friends are people who know everything about you, and they like you anyway."