Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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  • missile
    missile Posts: 11,689 Forumite
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    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    It sometimes makes me feel worse seeing the sun! Are you in Aberdeen?

    Yes, Mid Stocket :beer:
    "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Ride hard or stay home :iloveyou:
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,834 Forumite
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    missile wrote: »
    Yes, Mid Stocket :beer:

    I used to live in Stockethill! Have just bought a box to keep all the cards I got.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • missile
    missile Posts: 11,689 Forumite
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    Hopefully not too long before it is not too painful and you can look back and remember the good times :-)
    "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Ride hard or stay home :iloveyou:
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,675 Forumite
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    edited 21 February 2018 at 7:18PM
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    Torry hope you are ok.
    I didn't keep the cards etc. My sister kept on at me saying they were nice but it wasn't for me. I knew each time I saw them they'd make me sad and remember this horrible time , I got rid of clothes etc straight away.
    I kept just a few precious things. The main one being his wedding ring.
    No one can replace my happy memories.
    I love him like no other and the only way for me is to look forward and remember our happiness, I need to live for us both now.Xxx
    Much love and hugs to those in need.x
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337 Forumite
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    Hello Torry.......just back from my holiday and caught up with your devastating news.

    I am so very sorry to read this. I do hope you get some comfort from this thread.

    Sending you my very best wishes.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,834 Forumite
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    wort wrote: »
    Torry hope you are ok.
    I didn't keep the cards etc. My sister kept on at me saying they were nice but it wasn't for me. I knew each time I saw them they'd make me sad and remember this horrible time , I got rid of clothes etc straight away.
    I kept just a few precious things. The main one being his wedding ring.
    No one can replace my happy memories.
    I love him like no other and the only way for me is to look forward and remember our happiness, I need to live for us both now.Xxx
    Much love and hugs to those in need.x

    There's no one way, we each have to find our own way. In time the words people wrote will I hope bring some comfort. I'm dreading having to sort out his things. I do need to go to the funeral home to get his wedding ring though.

    Managed to stay in the bedroom and watch some TV, up till now I've been in and out as quick as possible so a step forward.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 12,492 Forumite
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    welcome back LL. I hope you had a wonderful memorable time. We missed you

    I got rid of the cards pdq and started clearing clothes around the time of the funeral. I gave most things away to dds, their husbands and ds, including very expensive items but everything was received gratefully and that is what he would have wanted, that his things would be used again. The whole process took 2 1/2 years. I kept just a few precious things and his wedding ring. I don`t wear my wedding ring any more and it is with his in a very special heart shaped box that he made for me

    Right now I can honestly say I have finished clearing. The last thing for me now is to move on, away from this house, so I can start building my future. It has to be done, there is no going back and no point in wishing it
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,834 Forumite
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    kittie wrote: »
    welcome back LL. I hope you had a wonderful memorable time. We missed you

    I got rid of the cards pdq and started clearing clothes around the time of the funeral. I gave most things away to dds, their husbands and ds, including very expensive items but everything was received gratefully and that is what he would have wanted, that his things would be used again. The whole process took 2 1/2 years. I kept just a few precious things and his wedding ring. I don`t wear my wedding ring any more and it is with his in a very special heart shaped box that he made for me

    Right now I can honestly say I have finished clearing. The last thing for me now is to move on, away from this house, so I can start building my future. It has to be done, there is no going back and no point in wishing it
    Well done you. I have no children but my brother will help as well as a close friend but I haven't even thought of sorting out his things yet. It feels wrong to me.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • shabbychic12
    shabbychic12 Posts: 315 Forumite
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    I buried my DH with his ring on as he never took it off and l felt he wouldn't be complete without it. I had another ring he .wore altered and my DD now wears this. I also didn't bury him in a suit he went in his football shirt jeans and slippers he would have liked that. At his funeral we all wore something blue and wore football scarfs. Even the priest showed us his teams scarf. I actually buried him on my 50th Birthday there was nothing more certain that he would have wanted to be with me. It will be 4 years in October and it's not the same without him. Life is just different but not in a bad way just different. Some one mentioned white feathers l keep a small box with all the ones lve found in. Plus when l'm having a tough time deciding what to do about something or need to know l'm doing the right thing up pops a Robin
    Count down to retirement 2023
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 12,492 Forumite
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    shabbychic12 wrote: »
    Plus when l'm having a tough time deciding what to do about something or need to know l'm doing the right thing up pops a Robin

    ahhh, nice things pop out of sad things. Since my husband died I have never lost anything, I misplace things all the time but I just say `** where is it?` and lo and behold I always go straight to it and whenever I have a tough time or a happy time with grandchildren, then I see a white feather

    Torry, the sorting is the beginning of the essential healing process, the letting go. My biggest letting go was when I scattered rose petals around the tree below where his ashes lay, it was several months after he died and I told him he could go, that I was setting him free. That time was absolutely cathartic for me and enabled me to move on. Some things were obviously more difficult to clear but then I tackled one thing at a time. The MK thread was brilliant at helping me through this time
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