Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my date pay when I'm not keen?

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Former_MSE_Nick
Former_MSE_Nick Posts: 463 Forumite
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in Marriage, relationships & families
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I was asked out on a date recently and at the end of it the guy insisted he pay for dinner. I knew I wasn't interested in seeing him again so said I was happy to split the bill, but he insisted. If someone's asked you out is it alright to let them pay when you're not into them?
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  • cheesetoast
    cheesetoast Posts: 258 Forumite
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    If he insists, he insists. It's not like you took advantage of him.
  • onomatopoeia99
    onomatopoeia99 Posts: 6,970 Forumite
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    Obviously wasn't me, as I accept what people say and don't try to change their mind (no always means no, don't have to say it twice to me), so if she had said "I'll pay half" she'd have paid half. Had she not offered I'd have (a) put down just my half anyway and (b) declined a second date had she asked for one. We live in an age of equality and men paying everything on dates sounds like something from the Victorian era:eek:

    So whether into your date or not, you should pay half.
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,840 Forumite
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    If someone asks you on a date then I would expect them to pay and wouldn't be offering.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

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  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
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    You offered to pay for half but he wanted to pay for the whole thing and insisted on doing so - that was his call, I don't really see how it's much of a moral dilemma.
  • scotsbob
    scotsbob Posts: 4,632 Forumite
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    Golden rule, never take a first date anywhere costly for exactly this reason. Always make sure you're likely to get somewhere before laying out serious money.


    If he was fool enough to ignore that rule, then he pays and learns from his mistake.


    .
  • fierystormcloud
    fierystormcloud Posts: 1,588 Forumite
    edited 24 May 2016 at 11:36PM
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    onomatopoeia99 wrote: »
    Obviously wasn't me, as I accept what people say and don't try to change their mind (no always means no, don't have to say it twice to me), so if she had said "I'll pay half" she'd have paid half. Had she not offered I'd have (a) put down just my half anyway and (b) declined a second date had she asked for one. We live in an age of equality and men paying everything on dates sounds like something from the Victorian era:eek:

    So whether into your date or not, you should pay half.

    Did you even read the dilemma?

    She was asked on a date by a man. Why on earth should she be paying half if HE asked HER out?

    And re your comments that I have bolded; why would she be asking you for a second date when YOU were the one who asked her out in the first place, and she was not interested in seeing you again?!

    Like I said, did you even read the dilemma?
    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    If someone asks you on a date then I would expect them to pay and wouldn't be offering.

    As Torry said. ^^^ If I was asked on a date I would expect him to pay and would not offer.
    fairy_lights wrote: »
    You offered to pay for half but he wanted to pay for the whole thing and insisted on doing so - that was his call, I don't really see how it's much of a moral dilemma.

    Exactly! He should pay. End of!

    It's not Victorian for a man to pay if he asked the woman out for the date! Good grief!
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  • UKTigerlily
    UKTigerlily Posts: 4,702 Forumite
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    I feel that as he asked her out, then he should pay. Maybe the next time (if there had been one) she would've paid. In this case, she offered to pay half, he declined so there's no dilemma IMO . . . him taking her on a date & paying is not guarantee of more and he should know that
  • Georgiegirl256
    Georgiegirl256 Posts: 7,005 Forumite
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    onomatopoeia99 wrote: »
    Obviously wasn't me, as I accept what people say and don't try to change their mind (no always means no, don't have to say it twice to me), so if she had said "I'll pay half" she'd have paid half. Had she not offered I'd have (a) put down just my half anyway and (b) declined a second date had she asked for one. We live in an age of equality and men paying everything on dates sounds like something from the Victorian era:eek:

    So whether into your date or not, you should pay half.

    I agree with you, and I would never just automatically assume or expect that the man should pay. What an outdated attitude that is. I feel that it doesn't matter (thinking back to that never ending splitting the bill thread :eek: ) who invited who out, and that everyone should at least offer their share of the bill. Having said all that, if a man was to offer to pay for my meal, and even insisted after I'd offered to pay half, then I would accept, and would find it a lovely gentlemanly thing to do. The problem comes when people expect it and insist on it and don't even offer to pay their way.
    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    If someone asks you on a date then I would expect them to pay and wouldn't be offering.

    I would find that to be incredibly rude sorry, and it could lead to an extremely awkward evening.
  • cadon
    cadon Posts: 132 Forumite
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    fierystormcloud wrote: »
    As Torry said. ^^^ If I was asked on a date I would expect him to pay and would not offer.

    I would expect him to pay, but I would offer to pay half.

    If it was a bad date, I would insist on paying my half, because I wouldn't see him again and I wouldn't therefore reciprocate with paying for a meal on another occasion.

    If it was a good date, I would expect my offer of paying half to be rejected, but I wouldn't hold it against him if he accepted and I had to chip in. As a general rule, no matter what's expected or agreed, I would never go anywhere or do anything that I couldn't pay for myself. Being able to pay your own way is an exit plan - I would feel rude walking out of a bad situation without first throwing down my share of the cost. And I don't ever want to feel trapped in a bad situation.

    If it was a good date and he rejected my offer of paying half, I would pay in full the next time. I quite like that scenario, because if he pays for one meal, really to be fair I have to pay for another to even it out, so we're mutually agreeing there's going to be another date.
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,050 Forumite
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    I'd have set out the rules before hand and leave my half of the money regardless.. a matter of pride more than anything.

    But if that was all I had to lose sleep over I'd count my blessings!
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