Feel so bad

pukkamum · 21 May 2008 at 1:14PM

I know this may sound slightly silly but something really upsetting happened to me today. I was stood with a couple of other mums that i am friendly with at school this morning when we were chatting about what we were up to this morning, i said that i was meeting my sister later on but was at a loose end so was going to go morrissons to kill some time. The mum i am mostly friendly with (don't want to name just in case) said she was going to the other mum's house for a chat and a brew (something she does every wednesday) and the one other mum said she was also going to the supermarket so i said great i will walk up with you. As we were leaving the gate the mum who's house my friend was going said to the mum walking with me "why don't you come for a brew" she hesitated and looked at me but i just said ok i will see you later and they all just left me stood there! I felt so upset i was actually crying as i walked away and believe me i am not given to tears easily. I felt so humiliated and small and couldn't believe that she would do something so awful, fair enough if she doesn't like me (although we have always got on ok) but i felt the way she did it was really nasty. I have no-one to talk to about this apart from my husband who said i was just being oversensitive. Am i taking it too much to heart or am i right to be upset? If someone can offer a theory as to why she did this it might make me feel better. I now feel anxious about going back this afternoon as i feel the other two mums will be pitying me.:(

elona · 21 May 2008 at 1:19PM

They won't be pitying you!

They will be ashamed of the mum that rode rougheshod over people and who has shown herself up.

Put a big smile on your face if it kills you and look unconcerned.

Bet she was a bully as a child!

Marker_2 · 21 May 2008 at 1:23PM

Why were you not invited for a brew?

RoxieW · 21 May 2008 at 1:25PM

Hi there
I think I know how you feel and its not nice - but perhaps it was a genuine mistake and she thought you needed to go to morrisons or would be going to your sisters shortly. If it was deliberate it was a pretty mean thing to do but try to give her the benefit of the doubt - esp as you've always got on ok previously.

I get blanked by a lot of the mums from my sons reception class. My son was in private nursery (not the schools) as I worked at the time so most of them met previously, and I guess I stand out in that I'm abit more adventurous then some in my clothes (someone whispered 'who does she think she is?' the other day because I was wearing a white sundress shock horror). But if they got to know me they'd hopefully realise I was a nice person and not 'up myself' or whatever they think of me.

My younger son is in the schools nursery so I'm making an extra effort to be friendly to the mums as I dont want the same thing to happen again. It's tricky as you dont want to be too full on and come across as desperate for friends (me, not you).

I'd invite them all for a coffee one day next week - if its half term you have the excuse that the kids can play together. Or suggest meeting at a playcentre or something similar. If she declines then so be it but at least you've made the effort. If she's still funny after that, let it go. You win some, you lose some.

Good luck and chin up.

debs66_2 · 21 May 2008 at 1:27PM

Hi Mrs Pukka!

don't be upset. this may have been an innocent mistake, them thinking you needed to go to the supermarket rather than realising it was just to kill time.

that said, for some people schoolground girly bullying doesn't stop after age 16, but someone has to show a grown up stance. that person being you. don't take it personally, but chalk it up to experience, hold you head up high, say hi next time you see them, but don't let any upset feelings show.

i was once friends with a woman who lived across the street from me. we had a few couples nights out with our OH's, and generally were casual mates. she moved house and we kept in touch, and then one day i saw her as we were walking towards each other in the street. i said a cheery hello and she blanked me, which basically blew my mind as i couldn't think why. i saw her again a few weeks later and she did it again. the third time i passed her as if i had never met her in my life, no eye contact, no nothing. i bumped into her a year or so later and she was all over me, fussing about this and that. i still have that day chalked up mind!!

cheer up, the sun is shining

frugallass · 21 May 2008 at 1:30PM

Don't let them make you feel bad - I never mingled with the mums at school, I had nothing in common with them (apart from a child at school) and would never have chosen them as friends in the normal world so I just dropped my daughter off and picked her up and left them to it

poppyolivia · 21 May 2008 at 1:30PM

I'm sorry but I don't get what you mean??? You said it would be ok and you would see her later....and you already said you were going to morrisons....

I don't think they will be pitying you cause I don't think they will realise anything was wrong?????

again sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick xxx

Diamond78 · 21 May 2008 at 1:32PM

I dont think you are over reacting like your OH said. Even though they knew you was going shopping and then to your sisters it wouldnt hurt for them to ask you over too. I would be upset to If that happened to me. I would go to the school with your head held high. I know ts hard and you feel anxious but dont let them get the better of you. Maybe it was a mistake and they didnt think but personally If that was me and i asked other mums over for tea, I would still invite the other person even if they werebusy. Its manners and politeness to me.
I have not long moved and I have no friends from my sons school. they all have their own groups and basically ignore me, I have said hello, smiled and made eye contact but if they want to carry on being childish thats there loss.
Lets us know how you are when you get back from school.hugs x

galvanizersbaby · 21 May 2008 at 1:36PM

How horrible and rude! - I would be feeling the same if I were you - when you see one of the other mum's your friendly with I'd mention it if I were you and see if an opinion/explanation is forthcoming?!
I've tried to be friendly with the other mum's at my son's school but when I say hi and try to join the conversation you'd have thought I'd spat at them instead - don't think I really fit in as I have to then go off to work all day and they are going off to do whatever it is they do?!

Try not to take it too much to heart and don't feel nervous at the school this afternoon - easier said than done though I know :rolleyes:

traveller · 21 May 2008 at 1:37PM

frugallass wrote: »

Don't let them make you feel bad - I never mingled with the mums at school, I had nothing in common with them (apart from a child at school) and would never have chosen them as friends in the normal world so I just dropped my daughter off and picked her up and left them to it

My sentiments exactly!:T

galvanizersbaby · 21 May 2008 at 1:51PM

RoxieW wrote: »

Hi there
I think I know how you feel and its not nice - but perhaps it was a genuine mistake and she thought you needed to go to morrisons or would be going to your sisters shortly. If it was deliberate it was a pretty mean thing to do but try to give her the benefit of the doubt - esp as you've always got on ok previously.

I get blanked by a lot of the mums from my sons reception class. My son was in private nursery (not the schools) as I worked at the time so most of them met previously, and I guess I stand out in that I'm abit more adventurous then some in my clothes (someone whispered 'who does she think she is?' the other day because I was wearing a white sundress shock horror). But if they got to know me they'd hopefully realise I was a nice person and not 'up myself' or whatever they think of me.

My younger son is in the schools nursery so I'm making an extra effort to be friendly to the mums as I dont want the same thing to happen again. It's tricky as you dont want to be too full on and come across as desperate for friends (me, not you).

I'd invite them all for a coffee one day next week - if its half term you have the excuse that the kids can play together. Or suggest meeting at a playcentre or something similar. If she declines then so be it but at least you've made the effort. If she's still funny after that, let it go. You win some, you lose some.

Good luck and chin up.

How funny - didn't realise there was so many other mum's that didn't fit in to the mum's school thing! - I turn up to drop off at school in smart work clothes and most of them are dressed casually - fair enough but I did wonder if I stood out too much :rolleyes:
Mind you the other day I heard a little boy saying to my son that 'I looked pretty not like his mummy' and I'm sure she was within earshot - probably didn't help - little rascals!

Feel so bad

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