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2 problems, financial association and money spending OH!
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Firsttimebuyer_4
Posts: 167 Forumite
First things first...my other half i completly aware of my finance problems and I of hers...we are very open about it.
Secondly....I just realised this turned into a VERY long post...sorry about that. Hopefully I have structured it enough to make it easier to read.
My Situation:
I've been struggeling for a few years to make ends meet on my personal finances (just mine, not my OH) and I have finally got to a level where they are manageable and I should be debt free in about 3-4 years. This is thanks to loads of tips on this site and also a few increases in my wage. I like to think that I am now very disciplined although I do buy myself a one off treat once in a while...which is nice!
I do, however, have 2 problems.......
Problem 1: Financial Association
I have never missed a payment nor gone overdrawn on any cards of accounts that I have, so in that respect I've got a good rating and I'm making the companies money! I have a total debt of £29k, 10k on Cards and 19k on loans. The 19k are on loans ranging from 6.9% to 7.6% and they will be paid off in 2 years and 1 month and I'm not changing anything about them as they are good rates.
I would however, like to pay off some of my CC balances with a personal unsecured loan as I would get a much better interest rate. I've got 10k outstanding on my cards ranging from 12% to 14.9% on my MBNA card (4.5k). This is a waste of money! would then cut the cards up and thrown them as far as I can...
My salary is £33k (and £29k debts). I realise my debt is quite high but I would like to save myself money on lower interests by paying off the Cards with a loan.
The problem is that my other half is a moneydraining machine...She doesn't drain me for money but she drains herself. She has no discipline and has run herself into the ground financially by spending more and more every month. To that effect her credit file has a few black marks. She's not got any CCJ's and she is up to date on all payments, but she has frequently paid late and also gone overdrawn a few times..She has LOADS of excessive late payment fees/overdrawn charges. I've asked her to keep a record of all those charges so that they can be claimed back pending the bank charges tiral. I've seen her credit file and although not terrible there are loads of missed payments..She has now reached a point where she has no more credit left and will struggle to meet payments if it wasnt for the fact she recently got a healthy pay increase which will make things a bit better..more on that with problem 2 further down.
We have a joint account together to cover household bills etc but have not got any loans, mortages etc in our joint name. Due to the joint account we have we are now financially linked...which drags my rating down alot and would have an impact on me applying for a loan.
She does reckognize she has a money problem but has not used our joint account for anything "naughty"..to be honest, she can't even remember the pin code. The same goes for our wedding savings account..she has access, but in the last 2 years, she's never used it. And before you say it....we have money in the wedding savings account...and we have debt. We're NOT going to use that to pay off our debts..that is for our wedding.....which has been planned for a looong time.
I would therefore like to financially disassociate myself from my OH....so that I can improve my rating. She has agreed to this and since I do all the finances anyway, all accounts will be transferred to my name.
Will this automatically remove the financial association between us or do I need to do anything else? Do I have to wait 5-6 years or how does this work?
Problem 2: OH spending frenzy!
My OH spends money like there is no tomorrow. We do manage to pay our bills and food...just about.., but she complains that she does not have enough to spend on herself.....I.e. going out with mates, buy clothes and so on.
I know the solution to this and that is to cut down on buying expensive food from waitrose...not buying branded dishwasher liquids, get rid of our sky subscription (she only watches one channel which is on SKY only..the rest is also available on freeview), not to buy so many clothes and expensive moisturisors, change her gym to another one which is a LOT cheaper (but 20 minutes drive away instead of 5). Instead she insists that all these things are necessary.. I have countless times sat down with her to show her how we are spending money on things we don't need, but nothing works.... She just gets upset, angry and it is really uncomfortable.... I've tried several approaches.... Whenever I read the moneysavingexper website and she sees me doing it she says..."God. don't start talking about money again......"
Excuses can be:
1. I've suggested she drives when she goes out with her mates in the weekends and only drinks once in a while. Answer: "So you, don't want me to have fun with my mates...? I'm not going to stop it" And then gets upset....
2. I've suggested getting rid of SKY as she only watches one channel. Answer: "But I love that channel (paramount) and when there is nothing else on I can always switch to Paramount". Then she gets really upset and angry and it's uncomfortable to continue.
3. Buy unbranded stuff. Answer: "I've tried "shopsnamehere"'s washing up liquid/washing powder etc....it doesn't work"..Then she gets upset and it gets uncomfortable.
4. Don't buy so much clothes!!! Her answer: "I don't have any trousers that fit...or shoes...I HAVE to have new shoes"...then she gets REALLY REALLY upset and walks out.
5. Cancel the gym membership. She hardly uses it but when confronted with this she said: "I WILL go more often once (insert any old excuse here). If I don't have it I can't go can i???" So I suggested using a cheaper one (£30 cheaper per month) Answer: "15 minutes further away by car. The one you want me to go to is soo far away and I'll never use it then." And then....she gets upset..
and so on...
As you can see this is having a serious impact on our relationship and is not healthy. I still love her (of course!) and we've been together for 9 years now and getting married this summer. When we're not talking about money we have a great time together but I really wish I can get her to think about saving money thus having an even happier life together!! At the moment I avoid talking about money as she gets upset and makes me feel about this = big....
She has racked up HUUGE credit card bills and is now realizing that she has reached all the limits on the cards and is struggeling to pay them off..Which is why she has had a few late payments and black marks on her credit file recently. Luckiliy she just got a payrise which means she will be able to afford at least the minimum payments. This ofcourse, is not good enough since it will take forever to pay them off....And I'm afraid she'll just continue spending money...and in the end I will have to drag her out of it with my income......
Question is: How can I make her realise that she HAS TO start thinking about her money spend. Life will be tough for a period but when its paid off she'll have more to spend on herself?
Thanks for reading this VERY long post.....
Secondly....I just realised this turned into a VERY long post...sorry about that. Hopefully I have structured it enough to make it easier to read.
My Situation:
I've been struggeling for a few years to make ends meet on my personal finances (just mine, not my OH) and I have finally got to a level where they are manageable and I should be debt free in about 3-4 years. This is thanks to loads of tips on this site and also a few increases in my wage. I like to think that I am now very disciplined although I do buy myself a one off treat once in a while...which is nice!
I do, however, have 2 problems.......
Problem 1: Financial Association
I have never missed a payment nor gone overdrawn on any cards of accounts that I have, so in that respect I've got a good rating and I'm making the companies money! I have a total debt of £29k, 10k on Cards and 19k on loans. The 19k are on loans ranging from 6.9% to 7.6% and they will be paid off in 2 years and 1 month and I'm not changing anything about them as they are good rates.
I would however, like to pay off some of my CC balances with a personal unsecured loan as I would get a much better interest rate. I've got 10k outstanding on my cards ranging from 12% to 14.9% on my MBNA card (4.5k). This is a waste of money! would then cut the cards up and thrown them as far as I can...
My salary is £33k (and £29k debts). I realise my debt is quite high but I would like to save myself money on lower interests by paying off the Cards with a loan.
The problem is that my other half is a moneydraining machine...She doesn't drain me for money but she drains herself. She has no discipline and has run herself into the ground financially by spending more and more every month. To that effect her credit file has a few black marks. She's not got any CCJ's and she is up to date on all payments, but she has frequently paid late and also gone overdrawn a few times..She has LOADS of excessive late payment fees/overdrawn charges. I've asked her to keep a record of all those charges so that they can be claimed back pending the bank charges tiral. I've seen her credit file and although not terrible there are loads of missed payments..She has now reached a point where she has no more credit left and will struggle to meet payments if it wasnt for the fact she recently got a healthy pay increase which will make things a bit better..more on that with problem 2 further down.
We have a joint account together to cover household bills etc but have not got any loans, mortages etc in our joint name. Due to the joint account we have we are now financially linked...which drags my rating down alot and would have an impact on me applying for a loan.
She does reckognize she has a money problem but has not used our joint account for anything "naughty"..to be honest, she can't even remember the pin code. The same goes for our wedding savings account..she has access, but in the last 2 years, she's never used it. And before you say it....we have money in the wedding savings account...and we have debt. We're NOT going to use that to pay off our debts..that is for our wedding.....which has been planned for a looong time.
I would therefore like to financially disassociate myself from my OH....so that I can improve my rating. She has agreed to this and since I do all the finances anyway, all accounts will be transferred to my name.
Will this automatically remove the financial association between us or do I need to do anything else? Do I have to wait 5-6 years or how does this work?
Problem 2: OH spending frenzy!
My OH spends money like there is no tomorrow. We do manage to pay our bills and food...just about.., but she complains that she does not have enough to spend on herself.....I.e. going out with mates, buy clothes and so on.
I know the solution to this and that is to cut down on buying expensive food from waitrose...not buying branded dishwasher liquids, get rid of our sky subscription (she only watches one channel which is on SKY only..the rest is also available on freeview), not to buy so many clothes and expensive moisturisors, change her gym to another one which is a LOT cheaper (but 20 minutes drive away instead of 5). Instead she insists that all these things are necessary.. I have countless times sat down with her to show her how we are spending money on things we don't need, but nothing works.... She just gets upset, angry and it is really uncomfortable.... I've tried several approaches.... Whenever I read the moneysavingexper website and she sees me doing it she says..."God. don't start talking about money again......"
Excuses can be:
1. I've suggested she drives when she goes out with her mates in the weekends and only drinks once in a while. Answer: "So you, don't want me to have fun with my mates...? I'm not going to stop it" And then gets upset....
2. I've suggested getting rid of SKY as she only watches one channel. Answer: "But I love that channel (paramount) and when there is nothing else on I can always switch to Paramount". Then she gets really upset and angry and it's uncomfortable to continue.
3. Buy unbranded stuff. Answer: "I've tried "shopsnamehere"'s washing up liquid/washing powder etc....it doesn't work"..Then she gets upset and it gets uncomfortable.
4. Don't buy so much clothes!!! Her answer: "I don't have any trousers that fit...or shoes...I HAVE to have new shoes"...then she gets REALLY REALLY upset and walks out.
5. Cancel the gym membership. She hardly uses it but when confronted with this she said: "I WILL go more often once (insert any old excuse here). If I don't have it I can't go can i???" So I suggested using a cheaper one (£30 cheaper per month) Answer: "15 minutes further away by car. The one you want me to go to is soo far away and I'll never use it then." And then....she gets upset..
and so on...
As you can see this is having a serious impact on our relationship and is not healthy. I still love her (of course!) and we've been together for 9 years now and getting married this summer. When we're not talking about money we have a great time together but I really wish I can get her to think about saving money thus having an even happier life together!! At the moment I avoid talking about money as she gets upset and makes me feel about this = big....
She has racked up HUUGE credit card bills and is now realizing that she has reached all the limits on the cards and is struggeling to pay them off..Which is why she has had a few late payments and black marks on her credit file recently. Luckiliy she just got a payrise which means she will be able to afford at least the minimum payments. This ofcourse, is not good enough since it will take forever to pay them off....And I'm afraid she'll just continue spending money...and in the end I will have to drag her out of it with my income......
Question is: How can I make her realise that she HAS TO start thinking about her money spend. Life will be tough for a period but when its paid off she'll have more to spend on herself?
Thanks for reading this VERY long post.....
0
Comments
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Hi Firsttime,
Unless she also has her 'light bulb moment' she won't change and it's likely to drive a wedge inbetween you until breaking point!!!
Perhaps when her card is refused in one of her beloved stores in front of lots of other customers she might just come round.
Her head seems to be in the sand...I know! I'm still trying to shake sand from my ears!!!!!
Could you perhaps refuse to get married until this is sorted out ?
...Linda xxIt's easy to give in to that negative voice that chants "cant do it" BUT we lift each other up.
We dont count all the runners ahead of us & feel intimidated.
Instead we look back proudly at our journey, our personal struggle & determination & remember that there are those that never even attempt to reach the starting line.0 -
Sorry, but you can't make her. The best thing you can do is let her find out for herself and keep your own affairs in order. She will just resent your meddleing if you keep interfering. Eventually she will have to sort it out or come to you for help. Then you will of course not say "I told you so" but show her how you did it. This is in my view the best way forward for your long term relationship.unsecured Debts at [strike]August 2007 £79,984[/strike] September £79,579 [STRIKE]Snowballing date July 2013[/STRIKE].
May 2009, £76,772 unsecured debts
DMP started Dec 2008, End date at start 2133!0 -
Hi, sorry can't help on much but the last question....
For me it was adding up the total amount of interest/charges on ALL the credit cards each month. Then totalling up the total amount paid for minimum payments on the cards and loan and then realising what I could do with that money and how much of that minimum payment was just interest.
Also for me it was sitting down and adding up all the debt. All of it. Till there was one huge scary figure written in front of me.
OH wouldn't give up sky either, so I gave up on that one. He also insisted on brand dishwasher tablets etc but since I buy the shopping and am the one that loads the dishwasher - I changed to Lidl's 5 in 1 tablets and it took him 4 months to notice the change
By which time I said tough, saves me about £5 or more a month and you haven't noticed before now 
To be honest, if I was given a list of things to give up like that I'd have got upset too. Try giving her the list of what she could cut down on and get her to pick one - just one thing doesn't seem so bad then? Or challenge her to see how little you can spend on something?working on clearing the clutterDo I want the stuff or the space?0 -
bank_of_slate wrote: »
Could you perhaps refuse to get married until this is sorted out ?
...Linda xx
Not sure that would go down too well and we've already paid deposits, sent out invitations so it's beyond the point of no return.
On the other hand, if I refused it would help my finances......as I would be thrown out of the house
0 -
Refuse marriage?? Love is bigger than a credit card bill!!!unsecured Debts at [strike]August 2007 £79,984[/strike] September £79,579 [STRIKE]Snowballing date July 2013[/STRIKE].
May 2009, £76,772 unsecured debts
DMP started Dec 2008, End date at start 2133!0 -
How can you ever plan anything at all if she won't at least discuss the money problem? All this could end in baliffs taking away furniture etc or bankruptcy. You'll have to decide whether you're going to hold the door open for the baliffs or hold the door open when she leaves." The greatest wealth is to live content with little."
Plato0 -
Firsttimebuyer wrote: »First things first...my other half i completly aware of my finance problems and I of hers...we are very open about it.
Secondly....I just realised this turned into a VERY long post...sorry about that. Hopefully I have structured it enough to make it easier to read.
My Situation:
I've been struggeling for a few years to make ends meet on my personal finances (just mine, not my OH) and I have finally got to a level where they are manageable and I should be debt free in about 3-4 years. This is thanks to loads of tips on this site and also a few increases in my wage. I like to think that I am now very disciplined although I do buy myself a one off treat once in a while...which is nice!
I do, however, have 2 problems.......
Problem 1: Financial Association
I have never missed a payment nor gone overdrawn on any cards of accounts that I have, so in that respect I've got a good rating and I'm making the companies money! I have a total debt of £29k, 10k on Cards and 19k on loans. The 19k are on loans ranging from 6.9% to 7.6% and they will be paid off in 2 years and 1 month and I'm not changing anything about them as they are good rates.
I would however, like to pay off some of my CC balances with a personal unsecured loan as I would get a much better interest rate. I've got 10k outstanding on my cards ranging from 12% to 14.9% on my MBNA card (4.5k). This is a waste of money! would then cut the cards up and thrown them as far as I can...
My salary is £33k (and £29k debts). I realise my debt is quite high but I would like to save myself money on lower interests by paying off the Cards with a loan.
The problem is that my other half is a moneydraining machine...She doesn't drain me for money but she drains herself. She has no discipline and has run herself into the ground financially by spending more and more every month. To that effect her credit file has a few black marks. She's not got any CCJ's and she is up to date on all payments, but she has frequently paid late and also gone overdrawn a few times..She has LOADS of excessive late payment fees/overdrawn charges. I've asked her to keep a record of all those charges so that they can be claimed back pending the bank charges tiral. I've seen her credit file and although not terrible there are loads of missed payments..She has now reached a point where she has no more credit left and will struggle to meet payments if it wasnt for the fact she recently got a healthy pay increase which will make things a bit better..more on that with problem 2 further down.
We have a joint account together to cover household bills etc but have not got any loans, mortages etc in our joint name. Due to the joint account we have we are now financially linked...which drags my rating down alot and would have an impact on me applying for a loan.
She does reckognize she has a money problem but has not used our joint account for anything "naughty"..to be honest, she can't even remember the pin code. The same goes for our wedding savings account..she has access, but in the last 2 years, she's never used it. And before you say it....we have money in the wedding savings account...and we have debt. We're NOT going to use that to pay off our debts..that is for our wedding.....which has been planned for a looong time.
I would therefore like to financially disassociate myself from my OH....so that I can improve my rating. She has agreed to this and since I do all the finances anyway, all accounts will be transferred to my name.
Will this automatically remove the financial association between us or do I need to do anything else? Do I have to wait 5-6 years or how does this work?
Problem 2: OH spending frenzy!
My OH spends money like there is no tomorrow. We do manage to pay our bills and food...just about.., but she complains that she does not have enough to spend on herself.....I.e. going out with mates, buy clothes and so on.
I know the solution to this and that is to cut down on buying expensive food from waitrose...not buying branded dishwasher liquids, get rid of our sky subscription (she only watches one channel which is on SKY only..the rest is also available on freeview), not to buy so many clothes and expensive moisturisors, change her gym to another one which is a LOT cheaper (but 20 minutes drive away instead of 5). Instead she insists that all these things are necessary.. I have countless times sat down with her to show her how we are spending money on things we don't need, but nothing works.... She just gets upset, angry and it is really uncomfortable.... I've tried several approaches.... Whenever I read the moneysavingexper website and she sees me doing it she says..."God. don't start talking about money again......"
Excuses can be:
1. I've suggested she drives when she goes out with her mates in the weekends and only drinks once in a while. Answer: "So you, don't want me to have fun with my mates...? I'm not going to stop it" And then gets upset....
2. I've suggested getting rid of SKY as she only watches one channel. Answer: "But I love that channel (paramount) and when there is nothing else on I can always switch to Paramount". Then she gets really upset and angry and it's uncomfortable to continue.
3. Buy unbranded stuff. Answer: "I've tried "shopsnamehere"'s washing up liquid/washing powder etc....it doesn't work"..Then she gets upset and it gets uncomfortable.
4. Don't buy so much clothes!!! Her answer: "I don't have any trousers that fit...or shoes...I HAVE to have new shoes"...then she gets REALLY REALLY upset and walks out.
5. Cancel the gym membership. She hardly uses it but when confronted with this she said: "I WILL go more often once (insert any old excuse here). If I don't have it I can't go can i???" So I suggested using a cheaper one (£30 cheaper per month) Answer: "15 minutes further away by car. The one you want me to go to is soo far away and I'll never use it then." And then....she gets upset..
and so on...
As you can see this is having a serious impact on our relationship and is not healthy. I still love her (of course!) and we've been together for 9 years now and getting married this summer. When we're not talking about money we have a great time together but I really wish I can get her to think about saving money thus having an even happier life together!! At the moment I avoid talking about money as she gets upset and makes me feel about this = big....
She has racked up HUUGE credit card bills and is now realizing that she has reached all the limits on the cards and is struggeling to pay them off..Which is why she has had a few late payments and black marks on her credit file recently. Luckiliy she just got a payrise which means she will be able to afford at least the minimum payments. This ofcourse, is not good enough since it will take forever to pay them off....And I'm afraid she'll just continue spending money...and in the end I will have to drag her out of it with my income......
Question is: How can I make her realise that she HAS TO start thinking about her money spend. Life will be tough for a period but when its paid off she'll have more to spend on herself?
Thanks for reading this VERY long post.....
Ditch the other half.Hello i'm BrickingIt.0 -
You will need to tackle it at some point.
I used to be stupid with money, didn't care if I was overdrawn, had credit cards, loans etc.
My long suffering hubby on the other hand would panic if he was so much as a penny overdrawn!!!
He has gone through the 'finding the credit card bill' scenario twice and both times I wouldn't have blamed him if he walked away.
We are now on an even keel with 1 joint account for bills only (I have absolutely NO access to this) My spending account is a basic no cheque or overdraft account. There is a set amount paid into it every month and when it's gone....tough!
Now the combination of us works because he holds me back when I want to run out and buy something on impulse, and I speed him up when he's dithering and being over cautious.
We still have some of the legacy to pay off (see signature) but it's a good partnership now.
Without the confrontation and the big 'bust up and sort out' we wouldn't still be together.
When you are financially incompatible as we are, you have to take action!
...Linda xxIt's easy to give in to that negative voice that chants "cant do it" BUT we lift each other up.
We dont count all the runners ahead of us & feel intimidated.
Instead we look back proudly at our journey, our personal struggle & determination & remember that there are those that never even attempt to reach the starting line.0 -
Firsttimebuyer wrote: »First things first...my other half i completly aware of my finance problems and I of hers...we are very open about it.
Secondly....I just realised this turned into a VERY long post...sorry about that. Hopefully I have structured it enough to make it easier to read.
My Situation:
I've been struggeling for a few years to make ends meet on my personal finances (just mine, not my OH) and I have finally got to a level where they are manageable and I should be debt free in about 3-4 years. This is thanks to loads of tips on this site and also a few increases in my wage. I like to think that I am now very disciplined although I do buy myself a one off treat once in a while...which is nice!
I do, however, have 2 problems.......
Problem 1: Financial Association
I have never missed a payment nor gone overdrawn on any cards of accounts that I have, so in that respect I've got a good rating and I'm making the companies money! I have a total debt of £29k, 10k on Cards and 19k on loans. The 19k are on loans ranging from 6.9% to 7.6% and they will be paid off in 2 years and 1 month and I'm not changing anything about them as they are good rates.
I would however, like to pay off some of my CC balances with a personal unsecured loan as I would get a much better interest rate. I've got 10k outstanding on my cards ranging from 12% to 14.9% on my MBNA card (4.5k). This is a waste of money! would then cut the cards up and thrown them as far as I can...
My salary is £33k (and £29k debts). I realise my debt is quite high but I would like to save myself money on lower interests by paying off the Cards with a loan.
The problem is that my other half is a moneydraining machine...She doesn't drain me for money but she drains herself. She has no discipline and has run herself into the ground financially by spending more and more every month. To that effect her credit file has a few black marks. She's not got any CCJ's and she is up to date on all payments, but she has frequently paid late and also gone overdrawn a few times..She has LOADS of excessive late payment fees/overdrawn charges. I've asked her to keep a record of all those charges so that they can be claimed back pending the bank charges tiral. I've seen her credit file and although not terrible there are loads of missed payments..She has now reached a point where she has no more credit left and will struggle to meet payments if it wasnt for the fact she recently got a healthy pay increase which will make things a bit better..more on that with problem 2 further down.
We have a joint account together to cover household bills etc but have not got any loans, mortages etc in our joint name. Due to the joint account we have we are now financially linked...which drags my rating down alot and would have an impact on me applying for a loan.
She does reckognize she has a money problem but has not used our joint account for anything "naughty"..to be honest, she can't even remember the pin code. The same goes for our wedding savings account..she has access, but in the last 2 years, she's never used it. And before you say it....we have money in the wedding savings account...and we have debt. We're NOT going to use that to pay off our debts..that is for our wedding.....which has been planned for a looong time.
I would therefore like to financially disassociate myself from my OH....so that I can improve my rating. She has agreed to this and since I do all the finances anyway, all accounts will be transferred to my name.
Will this automatically remove the financial association between us or do I need to do anything else? Do I have to wait 5-6 years or how does this work?
Problem 2: OH spending frenzy!
My OH spends money like there is no tomorrow. We do manage to pay our bills and food...just about.., but she complains that she does not have enough to spend on herself.....I.e. going out with mates, buy clothes and so on.
I know the solution to this and that is to cut down on buying expensive food from waitrose...not buying branded dishwasher liquids, get rid of our sky subscription (she only watches one channel which is on SKY only..the rest is also available on freeview), not to buy so many clothes and expensive moisturisors, change her gym to another one which is a LOT cheaper (but 20 minutes drive away instead of 5). Instead she insists that all these things are necessary.. I have countless times sat down with her to show her how we are spending money on things we don't need, but nothing works.... She just gets upset, angry and it is really uncomfortable.... I've tried several approaches.... Whenever I read the moneysavingexper website and she sees me doing it she says..."God. don't start talking about money again......"
Excuses can be:
1. I've suggested she drives when she goes out with her mates in the weekends and only drinks once in a while. Answer: "So you, don't want me to have fun with my mates...? I'm not going to stop it" And then gets upset....
2. I've suggested getting rid of SKY as she only watches one channel. Answer: "But I love that channel (paramount) and when there is nothing else on I can always switch to Paramount". Then she gets really upset and angry and it's uncomfortable to continue.
3. Buy unbranded stuff. Answer: "I've tried "shopsnamehere"'s washing up liquid/washing powder etc....it doesn't work"..Then she gets upset and it gets uncomfortable.
4. Don't buy so much clothes!!! Her answer: "I don't have any trousers that fit...or shoes...I HAVE to have new shoes"...then she gets REALLY REALLY upset and walks out.
5. Cancel the gym membership. She hardly uses it but when confronted with this she said: "I WILL go more often once (insert any old excuse here). If I don't have it I can't go can i???" So I suggested using a cheaper one (£30 cheaper per month) Answer: "15 minutes further away by car. The one you want me to go to is soo far away and I'll never use it then." And then....she gets upset..
and so on...
As you can see this is having a serious impact on our relationship and is not healthy. I still love her (of course!) and we've been together for 9 years now and getting married this summer. When we're not talking about money we have a great time together but I really wish I can get her to think about saving money thus having an even happier life together!! At the moment I avoid talking about money as she gets upset and makes me feel about this = big....
She has racked up HUUGE credit card bills and is now realizing that she has reached all the limits on the cards and is struggeling to pay them off..Which is why she has had a few late payments and black marks on her credit file recently. Luckiliy she just got a payrise which means she will be able to afford at least the minimum payments. This ofcourse, is not good enough since it will take forever to pay them off....And I'm afraid she'll just continue spending money...and in the end I will have to drag her out of it with my income......
Question is: How can I make her realise that she HAS TO start thinking about her money spend. Life will be tough for a period but when its paid off she'll have more to spend on herself?
Thanks for reading this VERY long post.....
Sorry
Post 2 SOA.
One with OH.
The other after ditching the OH.
If the second one doesn't look too bad, then ditch the OH.Hello i'm BrickingIt.0 -
You are all so harsh! this is an important issue, but not insurmountable surely? Every one has to grow up and face the music some time, she just hasn't done it yet. Doesn't make her a bad person. there is usually a good money person and a bad money person in every relationship. It doesn't mean it can't work, you just need some boundaries.unsecured Debts at [strike]August 2007 £79,984[/strike] September £79,579 [STRIKE]Snowballing date July 2013[/STRIKE].
May 2009, £76,772 unsecured debts
DMP started Dec 2008, End date at start 2133!0
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