Grown up kids and contributing to household budget

paulac_3 · 4 May 2005 at 1:17PM

Hi I'm looking for some opinions on how much you should expect your kids to contribute to the household budget once they have left school.

I have four - one still at school, one on job seekers allowance of £44 a week, one just about to leave University (with minimal debt since we paid him a regular allowance to cover his bills) and expecting to be earning £18,000+ and my oldest who has been in work for a couple of years and who earns around £16,000.

So far my oldest is the only one who has contributed and he gives us £145 per month. I'd be interested to hear what others expect of their kids - do they share bills proportionately or do you take their income into account? I'm not interested in making a profit out of them but it has occurred to me that if we spend the next goodness knows how many years subsidising them we'll be the ones struggling at retirement.
What do you all think?

fatboyonadiet · 4 May 2005 at 2:07PM

I'm sure if they're living at home a contribution to the leccy or food isn't asking for too much, may be best to make it income based though looking at your situ - not the fairest way for the big earners though

Bossyboots · 4 May 2005 at 3:34PM

My daughter earns £14,000 and pays me £20 per week.

trafalgar_2 · 4 May 2005 at 3:44PM

Bossyboots wrote:

My daughter earns £14,000 and pays me £20 per week.

crikey,your daughter may never leave home once she sees hopw much it costs in the real world......................all my kids have paid at least £30 per week (obviously once they were earning enough)...................and they contributed to the phone-bill etc if they used it.

Though I have to say my youngest who is still home earns far more relatively and still pays £30 .................I'm not under such financial pressures as I used to be ,but after the above comment to Bossyboots I think I'm gone raise the rent:rotfl:

Lillibet_2 · 4 May 2005 at 3:46PM

When I was at school & working part time (all disposable income, I had more money to play with than my parents!) I was made responsible for one weekly household bill with I had to meet no matter what, in the first instance it was the milk bill (back when people still had milk deliveries!), it wasn't much but it made me budget my money as no excuses were accepted & it made me aware of the basics of household expenses. My parents regulary reviewed this and at different times I was responsible for eithe rthe greengrocers bill, the window cleaners bill & a few others which escape me, they gave me a good grounding in household expenses & I learned a lot abotu each different catagory of expenses! Even when I was at Uni & not working (grant days!), when I was at home during the holidays my parents still asked me to contribute a nominal amount, their idea being that if I was ever unemployed or without income the cost of living wouldn't go away & I had to plan for expenses no matter how hard things were. When I was on minimum wage I was asked to contribute the equlivent of the child allowance at the time.

I was expected to pay for my own phone calls from when I first used the phone, firstly by popping pocket change from pocket money in the "phone jar" everytime I made a call and later quarterley according to the itemised bill. It might sound harsh asking a 10 year old to pay torwards phone calls out of thier pocket money but it taught me at an early age that these things aren't free!

HTH

robnye · 4 May 2005 at 3:52PM

You could set an amount affordable by all except the one still at school.

or i think pro rata per income will seem unfair to some
if you dont actually need all the money, use at as a savings scheme for those that can afford more and put some into a savings account for them..........

Murtle · 4 May 2005 at 4:01PM

When I was working and living at home, I paid £200 monthly to my Mum bought my own food, used my mobile not the house phone and ran my own car,....and my salary was £12,000.....no wonder I'm in debt!!!!!

I like the idea of taking from them, and putting some aside in a savings account for them, teaches the idea of saving, and you'll have some money to give them back when they move into their own places!!

LilacLillie · 4 May 2005 at 4:12PM

This is causing a lot of debate and tension in our household at the moment. Since I joined this site, I have been trying to "manage" money.
Our son is 27 this summer and has never left home (other than extended holidays, all at our expense), and hasn't ever really contributed to the home financially. He hasn't paid a penny in over a year and since joining here, I've told him that I'm going to backdate his rent at £5 a week, back to Jan 1st 2005. Needless to say he isn't talking to me because of it. He only works part time 20 hrs a week, any more would be to much for him (he's fit and able).
I buy all his clothes, toiletries, food, sky TV, well................everything basically. I've just paid for his latest holiday (in the past have always paid for his companion as well), now he's sulking that his new mate has to pay for his own flight and that's "Not right"!!!!!!
We are off to a big wedding in June, a castle in Cornwall and he has been searching for a new suit.........................for us to buy him (already paid for the hotel).
Writing this its hard to believe that we've put up with it for so long. Trouble is, I don't know how to stop it now after it going on so long, I don't know where the line should be drawn, giving that it should have been done many years ago.
Friends say "Chuck him out". I don't want that, but he thinks if we have it.........he's entitled to it!
I think we'd be well off if we were not supporting him. I am working out a budget, now, thanks to this board, and will show him what we actually have to pay out each month. Don't think he'll care much though. I only stopped paying his mobile phone bill (over £100 per month) 5 mths ago, its been cut off twice since then!
Reading through this I'm ashamed to post and am thinking again before pushing the button, but I really do need help.
I've heard all the " I wouldn't have it" and the like, but we are all to blame...........us for allowing it , and he for accepting it. Now I don't know how to change. I'm making small changes, like making him pay his own phone bill, but think I'm not clear about what we want/expect of him. I don't even know myself, except that it won't help him in the long run. Tried talking to him but he thinks we are being mean and unreasonable.
So I'd like some HELP as well please.
LL

[Deleted User] · 4 May 2005 at 4:20PM

Yeah my mum did that with me, quietly put aside some of the money i gave her and gave me a lovely suprise when i moved out. Once she knew I was going, she also started a box and when she bought bogofs of anything I got the "free" one. Another present i didn't know about, but starting to buy kitchen stores/cleaning stuff from stuff would have been mighty expensive.

Another thing I remember my Mum doing about 4-5 months after living in my first house, she came round for a cup of tea and saw how little I still had in my kitchen. I literally couldn't afford anything other than basics/value ranges etc.

She said she had to go shopping and I had a few bits so went with her. Novelty of driving rather than the 2 mile walk. Anyway going round she got her bits, i got mine and when we got back home, she gave me her shopping. I had things like marmite, herbs&spices, heinz ketchup, lea&perrins - you know the more unsual kind of stuff you don't buy weekly.

But that's my mum, she was in a position to help me and wanted to. She knew I was grateful and didn't expect it/ask for it.

Thankfully since then, jobs have bettered, wages increased and I can afford to buy my own marmite and treat mum now and again.

rchddap1 · 4 May 2005 at 4:24PM

It is harder to do these things that it is to talk about them here, but honestly lilaclillie I think you need to really think about how long you want him living with you. Would you still want him there if he was 30, 35, 40!

The first thing I'd suggest, is what you have started to do. If he wants a phone...let him pay for it. If he wants a new suit...let him pay for it. Do you watch the Sky TV? Have you thought about downgrading the package and seeing what he says? If he complains, say that you haven't got the money, but if he has then he can pay for it. I know I'm sounding harsh, but you really have to think about how long you want to continue supporting your son.

If this was my mother and I....she wouldn't throw me out, but would refuse to pay for the i things that I wanted...and would charge rent. Even way back when I was 16 I had a clothing allowance paid to me. Anything I wanted either had to come out of that or other money that I was earning. My parents would pay for the house, food, leccy, but that was it. Anything else was upto me.

I had to budget and manage my money. Turned out I was a good little MSEr even back then...and I ended up saving most of my earnings from my saturday job, and my clothing allowance. Ended up with around £2k that I spent while at University.

Lillibet_2 · 4 May 2005 at 4:31PM

Forgot to say that of all the contributions my parents asked of me, when I was at Uni I would get the amount & more back in food parcels, laundry services & crates of beer during termtime & over the years mum had stockpiled all maner of new & used household essentilas like kitchen equirpment, linen, tools & cleaning supplies in the loft so I too got a moving out present when I finally moved into my first unfurnished flat:D Thanks to their insistance on seeing & contributing torwards household bills I also didn't get any unpleasent suprises when the bills came in & new what I could afford, unlike many of my friends;)

LilacLilli, good luck, I don't know that I can help but I'm thinking of you & wish you well. He's got to learn sometime!

Grown up kids and contributing to household budget

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