Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

southwester_2 · 14 May 2007 at 8:41AM

Having sat down and sorted out the money issues and admitting to my problem, I thought everything was going to be OK.

Then found a text on OH phone which led to her admitting to me she has been having an affair for 3-4 months.

I am devastated, dont know what to do, cant stop crying, she doesnt think there is anyway back from this, I am totally mixed up and havent slept for 2 days. The thoughts of waking up in the morning and not seeing my son there, telling parents etc etc etc is too much to bear

scaredy_cat_2 · 14 May 2007 at 8:42AM

am sending you hugs - not sure i can say anything to make you feel better other than that

Toto · 14 May 2007 at 9:05AM

Aww southwester, big hug for you, that's terrible and I understand just how you feel. But, for now try to stop thinking about all of the long term things, sometimes we can fill our heads full with fears about next month, next year, 10 years time. Today, concentrate on getting through the next 24 hours. Feelings tend to get very mixed up when something like this first happens, and what both of you say (and feel) today, might not be the same next week.

Try to talk things through calmly, get and spend some time away if you can, a few days to clear your head. I went to stay with my best friend for 4 days when my ex and I broke up (found him in bed with an 18 year old on boxing day a couple of years ago).

There is a great forum that I know of, with a message board full of people in the same position, it really helps to just vent away and have someone to listen to at any time of day or night.

Not sure if I'm supposed to post it, but it's https://www.soyouvebeendumped.com the support from those guys is a lifesaver at times, much like the support from everyone here.

Please keep chatting to us too, and rememberthat no matter what, you will always be your little boys dad.

yellowmonkey · 14 May 2007 at 9:05AM

Hi.

Just to let you know that i feel for you. I will second what scaredy cat says. Things are probably a bit raw at the moment but hang in there.

ym

saffronflowers · 14 May 2007 at 9:06AM

Oh honey - I am so very very sorry. Remeber you have not done anything wrong, even if you are having tough times, it is her that has decided to have this affair, you have not pushed her into it.

Gosh this sounds so harsh, but you have to decide what you want to do, and you both need to sit down and talk and talk and talk. Either way it goes for the sake of your son communication is vital.

I know the rollercoaster of emotion that you are going through at this moment, I only went through it ten days, ago - ok not an affair - but the not knowing the person you are married to and feeling so let down.

Please please just post all you want anytime, I for one promise to help you as much as I possibly can.

SFx

Tashja · 14 May 2007 at 9:09AM

Southwester,

I can't add anything to what has already been said but just wanted to send you a big hug and let you know I am thinking of you.

You know you have the support of all the DFW's.

T xx

Shineyhappy · 14 May 2007 at 9:10AM

Big hug from me too. It isnt nice to find out your OH has been unfaithful, it has happened to me too, but thankfully there werent any kids involved.

Maybe you should both spend a few days apart and then talk again? I wish I could say some magic words that make the pain go away but as we all know there arent any.

If there is a chance that you want to save the relationship and try again, then I would strongly think about trying relate, sod the money it isnt that important!

Best of luck.

southwester_2 · 14 May 2007 at 9:13AM

Despite eveyrhting I really do want to save it but she thinks there is no way back, she wishes there was, she is ending it today and thinks time apart would be good, ive just read the posts abd cant stop crying, work are goign to notice in a minute

southwester_2 · 14 May 2007 at 9:13AM

Ending the affair I meant

skirt · 14 May 2007 at 9:17AM

Poor you, what a crock of !!!!!! to have to deal with. Just hang on in there, things happen for a reason and better a future honest life dealing with your issues, with someone who deserves a nice person like you xxx

saffronflowers · 14 May 2007 at 9:18AM

Remember the future is unwritten, what is in the past is in the past. You CAN get over this, but it will be a road of highs and very lows. Please dont compensate with your partner for what she has done, you have to explain to her how you feel, it is really really painful, but if you dont the rest of your time will make you feel very resentful.

Try when you talk to treat like a meeting if you know what I mean, take frequent breaks and if you feel angry - stop. Start again when you feel ready. Let her tell you why and that will be horrid, but remember she decided and made the choices.

As far as work goes, go speak to your boss and explain without a doubt they will be sympathetic and give you some space.

SFx

Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

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