how do other mums to little ones manage?

cobbingstones · 29 November 2006 at 10:13PM

Hi all

Sorry if i'm on the wrong board - pls remove if so.

I have recently become a stay at home mum to a 2 year old and a 9 month old and I'm really not doing well

I either spend all day cleaning and then feel awful for not giving them enough attention. I can't seem to cook two healthy meals a day and meet their individual needs and stay sane

I really want to educate my daughter more and be super mum but I'm failing miserably.

Please let me know your tips/suggestions. What are your routines and how have you found toddler groups etc (mine very clicky) which makes me not go.

T

cannyscot_2 · 29 November 2006 at 10:25PM

My only tips are :

1.get out as much as you can park,etc and tire 2 yr old out
2. ignore housework and only do it when she sleeps.
3.buy your shopping online -it kind of makes you plan meals.
4. stop trying so hard 2yr olds and 9month olds are hardwork -just accept you might be muddling along for a bit longer.

and find a very nice person-relative to give you a break-it makes you so much more able to cope.

Good Luck

Jumps · 29 November 2006 at 10:36PM

I know how you feel but I think that you have done the best thing for them by staying at home (only my opinion as I too am a stay at home Mum).Don't try too hard.
Do try and get out everyday. I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old and it is hard work but it is also the best job in the world. Try to find a toddler group to go to. You could ask at your local baby clinic or church or ask around in the area you live.
Do you have any friends in the same situation so you could go to the group together?

domestic_goddess · 29 November 2006 at 10:39PM

I spend all day at home with my two kids, aged one and four. My daughter goes to nursery for a couple of hours on a morning but my routine for school holidays is like this :

We get up and littlest one (ds) has his bottle while dd has her brekkie. I do feel bad for ploking them in front of the tele first thing in the morning.
While they are having their brekkie I unload the dishwasher and put the pots away, any pots through the day go straight in the dishwasher and it is put on overnight.

Once a week I plan a menu and do my shopping online (using the free delivery codes on here). I check my menu plan and put slow cooker on if needed.

We then get dressed and play for a while sometimes I go on the computer while kids play. We usually go for a little walk or something just to get out. When we get back I make lunch (normally just a sandwich and then ds goes to bed for a nap.

Thats when I get to spend time with my dd, we read or write or do something crafty.

After my ds gets up we play for a while or pop out to the shops. I do some jobs while kids are playing.

We make tea, dd always helps to do this.

After tea i go out to my job, I work evenings 5 days a week for 5.5 hours each night.

while I am out my oh puts kids to bed and makes sure that all toys are away and the house is tidy (I hate getting up to an untidy house)

I wash one day a week and iron the kids clothes as and when they are wearing them. If clothes are folded straight after drying then a lot dont need ironing.

OMG how boring does my life sound:eek:

Must try and add some excitement into my routine.

Also one night a week we have a babysitter (Grandma) come round so we can have 'date night'.

PiixxySu · 29 November 2006 at 10:42PM

hello T :hello:
i know how you are feeling!!
mine are 2.5 and 1 now and oh boy, was it difficult. but it does get easier ... promised

i have to admit so untill about a month ago i couldn't keep up with ANY housework and just did the really really necessary bits!
(now babysteps a la 'flylady' do help alot

)

tips :think:
do yours have regular nap times? i had to plan everything around that.
once baby was asleep i tried to find something for toddler to do and got on with the things i had to do .. or just took a few minutes to myself :dance:
don't beat yourself up about 'not enough attention' - i know it's not easy (been there :sad:) - but they always find things to do and you can make up for the rest later on!
i always had a basket with bits and pieces for the baby to play with (just different textures, noises, etc.) she loved going through that one.
or different places to put her (doorswing, bumbo, bouncychair, mat, floor)
toddler obviously is a bit trickier :think:
i admit i used the tv alot

- but i always made time each day to have some proper one-on-one time! and in my opinion he didn't miss out on anything.
i also agree: take them out!!! put the little one in the swing and follow the toddler around

(always have a snack and a drink and spare clothes)
i haven't done well with babygroups myself

- it's very difficult to join in or find a suitable one for both kids!
have you tried nct? or netmums? or mumsnet?

all the best - and it will get easier :grouphug:

domestic_goddess · 29 November 2006 at 10:42PM

:beer:

I forgot to say however good your routine is and whatever corners you manage to cut, it is a difficult job looking after two youngsters so you are doing well just getting by. It will get easier.... So I am told!!:rotfl:

tallulah_beaulah · 29 November 2006 at 10:52PM

I'm a stay at home mum to a boy who is nearly 3. I'm only just starting to be able to cope, and only on very very good days! Managing everything at home with two kids under three must be very difficult.

I think going to a park or something similar everyday helps a lot. I try to do this first thing in the morning, while its quiet out. Also, it wears my 2 yr old out so the afternoon is a bit quieter when we're at home.

I try to involve my son in household chores too, so I'm able to get stuff done while we do things together. It does mean a 5min. job like making the bed takes 30mins, once we've made a tent and a car out of the duvet! He loves to help with hoovering, i have to try very hard to be patient as this takes forever too. I get him to "help" with cooking too, and I keep a selection of toys and books on a low shelf in a kitchen cupboard, so when he gets bored with the cooking and I haven't finished I can get some toys out and he'll play on the kitchen floor where I can keep an eye on him, and keep chatting to him.

Hope some of this helps, I wish you all the best, being a mum to little ones is such a lot of hard work, do get a break now and again if you can.

wendym · 29 November 2006 at 11:29PM

It really does get easier.

There will be a day when you realise that you have had nearly enough sleep, and you have all actually enjoyed your day, I promise!

And the best thing about a small gap between them is that there will come a point when they can do things together. The gap between a 4 year old and a nearly 3 year old isn't that huge.(There are just 13 months between my two, now grown up).

And there will never be a day when one of them begs you not to leave them at full-time nursery cos they are feeling off-colour and want to stay on the sofa with a blanket. What you are doing is a big and important thing, even though it isn't fashionable to say or think so.

I have celebrated the return of my Thanks button (it wanders off sometimes) with a thank you to remind you that muddling through is enough to win a prize!

By the way, I never found a toddler group that I liked.

bobsa1 · 29 November 2006 at 11:37PM

I'm not a stay at home mum, I work part time, but I was when my two older ones were little.

Find a group/activity you like and go to that.
I've never really enjoyed toddlers but I go to Jack in the Box Gym, Music Time & swimming lessons.

If you find something you enjoy you are likely to find like minded people and make friends.

My house has been a mess for 12 years but I have 3 happy dd's. The cleaning will always be there, if it bothers you do it when they are asleep, if it doesn't do it in the evenings or get OH to have them for a couple of hours at the weekend and do it then.

Kids don't need gourmet food and are happy eating the same thing a couple of times in a row. Lunch is usually a sandwich with a bit of salad, fruit and yoghurt and my DD enjoys that. As a change we might have pasta or jacket potato but cooking one meal a day is fine.

Hope that helps

Sadierhianne · 29 November 2006 at 11:45PM

Oh my sympathies - i am a stay at home mum - have been for years and years but in a fit of maddness decided that i'd work from home too - i feel like i neglect my kids, despite them being fairly happy and well rounded, the house is often a state - this is really hard to get to grips with but before i started working i cleaned all day too.

What i do now is leave the cleaning until about 5pm - i run the hoover round - if i did that in the morning it would be a mess by lunch time so just before dinner is better, they eat dinner then go get ready for bed so it stays cleaner longer.

I save the dishwasher and kitchen cleaning for when i am cooking - so inbetween cooking a meal i empty dishwasher, throw in some washing and clean around.

I clean the bathroom when the kids are in the bath.

I tidy the kids rooms when they are getting their jammas on after the bath - they help me tidy up too, then after they have gone to bed i throw anything that is lying about in a wicker basket then empty it when i get time.

I dn't get any help from my husband so it is soul destroying - hard work and can often lead to feelings of failure for me.

I would try to lower your standards and try to get some help.

I order online now which is not only saving me money - i am actually shopping at a more expensive supermarket but spend less - it takes me about half an hour on a saturday to shop - i get free delivery for having it delivered on a Tuesday Wed or thursday too.

One a month i take my ironing to a women who irons a huge black bag full for £10 - she doesn't do everything but just that bit helps - it is usually all the stuff that i hate ironing.

I am hoping that in a while when i can afford it that i can have a cleaner in just once a month for a few hours to clean all those places that i can't manage. I just think that if i am working and looking after 3 kids that i need some help - not the amount that i'd really like but having my ironing done this month felt really good - the £5 a week that i save on shopping delivery pays for the ironing lady - i'd spend about £3 on petrol to the supermarket so it's still a saving.

Hope that you sort something out soon -

S

plzhelpmesave! · 29 November 2006 at 11:49PM

i have just had my third child in 5 years and have never been so tired! im a SAHM and love them all to bits, but it is really hard work! trying to find time for all of them is really hard, so i end up just trying to make it thru the day, rather than sticking to any planned activities.

I would say, like the OP, i wanted to be supermum, and always thought i would be, but reality has a nasty way of taking over!! when you've had a really tough and very long day with demanding toddlers, it is hard to be fun-loving and energetic. I do know it gets easier and i keep hearing how much i will miss this time as they get older, so i am trying to enjoy it in between all the hard times!

There is a lot of pressure on us to be Supermums, but as long as our kids are happy and healthy i think we are Super!

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how do other mums to little ones manage?

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