Cost v's number of children

helpafriend · 21 August 2006 at 6:10PM

My older sister has just really shocked me. She has told me she is booked in to have her tubes tied. The thing is she only has one child, a 7 year old daughter. I always thought she was an only child because my sister and brother in law were having problems conceiving.

I asked her the reasons why she is taking this drastic decision and she says it is because she wants to give her child a good life. They do have a nice life, holidays, nights out and 2 cars but surely family is worth more? She says she would like more, but she does not want to give up her comfortable life.

I felt life she is having a dig at me as I have made no secret of the fact I would like a large family. We have 2 now and are trying for another. My husband only earns £13k, but we get tax credits and get by. I don’t worry too much about how we are going to feed and clothe them as my tax credits go up every time we have a baby. We are in debt, but are working hard to reduce this. I don’t see why money worries should stop us having as many children as we like.

So over to you. Has the cost of children impacted on the number you are going to have? Is my sister selfish? Should you worry about money when planning a family?

wigginsmum · 21 August 2006 at 6:19PM

I think the issue here is that you feel she's criticising you, whereas based on what I've read she's made the decision purely for herself and family. She sounds eminently sensible to me.

I decided not to have kids; not because I can't afford them but because I don't like them. If you're in debt and relying on tax credits to feed and clothe offspring and it doesn't concern you, then I'd say something's wrong with your logic and priorities. You should only have the children you and your husband can afford to support and not expect anyone else to pay for your selfish choices. Sorry but that's the way I see it.

comping_cat · 21 August 2006 at 6:26PM

Personally, i wouldve loved a large family, but once we had had our 2, a son and then a daughter, we felt that we were lucky to have one of each and could give them more than if we kept having more. Mind you, exOH left when youngest was 18 months old, so prob a good thing we only had the 2!!!!! I now work as a childminder and must admit, i do feel sorry for the ones that are only children, they tend to love being with others and i often hear them ask their parents for a brother or sister for xmas.
Its definatly a personal decission tho, i dont condem anyone for only wanting one, and some people cant have more, but a small part of me does think its better to have a sibling!!

helpafriend · 21 August 2006 at 6:27PM

wigginsmum wrote:

IIf you're in debt and relying on tax credits to feed and clothe offspring and it doesn't concern you, then I'd say something's wrong with your logic and priorities. You should only have the children you and your husband can afford to support and not expect anyone else to pay for your selfish choices. Sorry but that's the way I see it.

I find that those with money tend to have fewer children, because they are selfish. I think tax credits are the governments way of making sure the population continues as those of us on lower incomes are more open to the idea of the sacrifice it takes to raise a family. I am doing the country a service by providing more taxpayers.

All the people I know with under 2 children are on good money (£25k+). There is no reason financially why they should not have more kids. It is just selfish. My sister’s husband is on about £35k. For her to suggest that one or two more children would cramp their lifestyle is laughable.

helpafriend · 21 August 2006 at 6:29PM

catowen wrote:

I now work as a childminder and must admit, i do feel sorry for the ones that are only children, they tend to love being with others and i often hear them ask their parents for a brother or sister for xmas.

This also bothers me. My niece is such a lovely girl, she would make a fab big sister. My sister is also a good mum. It is such a waste.

code-a-holic · 21 August 2006 at 6:29PM

Hmmm - not sure if i agree with wigginsmum.
I have 3 children - yet to find them a financial burden. Im afraid im more sentimental than material. I love to spend time with my children - it dosnt have to involve money. My children have more toys that they know what to do with, they have more clothes each than me and my husband put together. We have family days out, run 2 cars and live off one income. We cant afford a foreign holiday - but we dont want one, the kids would have just as much fun on a day trip around here. Saying that, the in laws have just bought a house in France so we will be doing the abroad thing soon! Im planning on having more children in the future - me and my husband love children, and are happiest with our kids, we would spend our last pennies on our children if we had to. A house full of happy children is more appealing than a expensive night out.

teb_2 · 21 August 2006 at 6:31PM

helpafriend wrote:

I find that those with money tend to have fewer children, because they are selfish.

Why does NOT having or wanting children mean the person is selfish? Never understood that.

Surely selfish means bringing more and more children into a world just because their Mum or Dad wants a baby and giving little or no thought to how they are going to be supported both financially and emotionally over the next 16-18 years?

I think the OP's sis has her head screwed on the right way and I wish more people give more thought to the consequences and less to the thought of how cute a babby is.

(Not aimed at anyone here btw, just said generally)

wigginsmum · 21 August 2006 at 6:32PM

helpafriend wrote:

All the people I know with under 2 children are on good money (£25k+). There is no reason financially why they should not have more kids. It is just selfish.

It's entirely none of your business. Not everyone aspires to be an irresponsible sprog-machine. Who are you to expect people to reproduce?

wigginsmum · 21 August 2006 at 6:40PM

helpafriend wrote:

I am doing the country a service by providing more taxpayers.

How will you ensure they don't follow in your footsteps and have an ever increasing unaffordable family instead? Will it be a case of 'Do as I say, not as I do?'

Jay-Jay_4 · 21 August 2006 at 6:41PM

helpafriend wrote:

I don’t worry too much about how we are going to feed and clothe them as my tax credits go up every time we have a baby. We are in debt, but are working hard to reduce this. I don’t see why money worries should stop us having as many children as we like.

And you think your sister is selfish because she and her husband want to provide a comfortable lifestyle for their family rather than relying on the state to feed and clothe as many children as they can pop out?

Staggering!

helpafriend · 21 August 2006 at 6:45PM

wigginsmum wrote:

It's entirely none of your business. Not everyone aspires to be an irresponsible sprog-machine. Who are you to expect people to reproduce?

I just see so many miserable people, especially women. When I do go on a rare night our, there are so many drunk women, probably escaping from the fact they have ignored their maternal instinct for so long. Our population is shrinking and yet people are so unhappy. I believe there is a link.

There is a fantastic book called WHAT OUR MOTHERS DIDN'T TELL US: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman by Danielle Crittenden. “The modern dilemma, she says, is that the success of feminism has cut women off from those aspects of life that are distinctly female desires, such as being a wife and raising children.“

It changed my life and made me realise why my job and endless nights out were not fulfilling me.

Cost v's number of children

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