MIL cant afford to eat bit of a rant...

laurenjs88 · 7 April 2010 at 2:49PM

I feel terrible, and I don't know what to do. MIL is the loveliest woman in the world she's do anything for anybody & that is exactly why she is in this mess.

Her youngest son is a complete waster :mad: he has some real issues and is nothing but a stinky sponge... He's 19 and does absolutley nothing. You would not believe it if i told you it all so i wont. But anyway he's sitting pretty on money he's saved from bday & xmas growing up and only pays for his WOW subscription. Whilst his Mum works 7days a week in a rubbish paid job to be able to feed him, clothe him and try to bribe him out of his room.

She doesnt eat because he goes through it all whilst she's working (he is HUGE! tall & wide) she pinches food from work to get a meal a day even though this could get her sacked and she looks so pale and ill.

She's cant make ends meet on her wages & does get a few £s WTC a month, but because her son is such a complete loser she doesnt get a reduction in CT, he sponges the electric all day with his computers etc..

She got left in such a hole by OH's dad many moons ago and has never finacially got out of it, bringing up 3 kids on her own, but she's always worked, she fell at work and injured her foot so had to have 6 weeks off, I found out a few days ago from OH that she had to live on out of date chicken soup for most of that time, Her daughter gives her all her out of date food too.

Her son is really doing my head in, No-one will stand upto him because he has beaten his mum on a few occassions. Everyone has given up on him or is too scared to even talk to him.

It makes me so angry that at 19 he can sponge off his mum & attack her because no-one (mainly aimed at his dad & my OH) has the b*lls to tell him off.

I cannot bear the thought of going there to visit no because I don't know if I will be able to control the urge to drag her son out of his room and put him out on his ar*e!

It breaks my heart everytime I see her, I hate that she has to live like that, I hate how much of a state her house is in (structually not messy! she's very tidy!) & it annoys me that her son's can let her live like this...

They live 100miles away now so we only see them one weekend a month.

Next time we do go i'm going to go through all MIL's outgoings and see if I can save her some money. Though I still think she should sell the house and move near to us!

I'm now off to do a online shop for her even though we cant really afford it so I know she will at least have a few days of decent food.

Luckily thank to MSE & all the glitches, We've been able to get her some lovely bits for christmas & mother's day to pamper herself with. Gave her some bodyshop bits for MD & she nearly cried. She's never even been into Bodyshop... *sigh*

I know its not his fault but I am so annoyed with OH, He's the oldest, the big brother he shouldnt be allowing his little brother to treat his mum like this?! Or am i being unfair?

I just don't know anymore.

Sorry for the rant, I'm still hormonal...

SUESMITH_2 · 7 April 2010 at 3:01PM

nothing i can say really - just sending you lots of hugs

poppyolivia · 7 April 2010 at 3:02PM

omg thats so sad!

I really do think though she has to realise herself that her son is a waste of space!..can she not get an electricy card thingy? And if it runs out it runs out...surely that would make the son pay into it?

when you go see her could you maybe take her for a meal even if its a cheapy one?...get her away from the slob for a while? Maybe make that something like routine every time you see her, it will lift her spirits and she will get a feed! It doesn't need to be expensive!:)

woody01 · 7 April 2010 at 3:07PM

Sorry but i think you need to speak to your OH and get him to sort it out.
Sounds like he might have to grow a pair first though.

jamespir · 7 April 2010 at 3:09PM

she should put locks on the fridge or store food in your house
if that was my younger brother id be giving him a good kicking

neneromanova · 7 April 2010 at 3:13PM

When he hits her next time call the police. That could sort him out physical wise.

But as for the laziness I don't think there's much you can do. My brother is 20, been to college, failed, not got a job, plays WOW every single day and gets JSA weekly by just going to the job centre every 2 weeks and acting stupid.

Redman30 · 7 April 2010 at 3:16PM

laurenjs88 wrote: »

Her youngest son is a complete waster :mad: he has some real issues and is nothing but a stinky sponge... He's 19 and does absolutley nothing. You would not believe it if i told you it all so i wont. But anyway he's sitting pretty on money he's saved from bday & xmas growing up and only pays for his WOW subscription. Whilst his Mum works 7days a week in a rubbish paid job to be able to feed him, clothe him and try to bribe him out of his room.

neneromanova wrote: »

When he hits her next time call the police. That could sort him out physical wise.

But as for the laziness I don't think there's much you can do. My brother is 20, been to college, failed, not got a job, plays WOW every single day and gets JSA weekly by just going to the job centre every 2 weeks and acting stupid.

The WOW addiction is the problem here, he'll likely go mental if you cut the internet off, or indeed just drag him away from the comp for five minutes. Trouble is that's what needs to happen. And likely it's his brother that will need to instigate it.

Those games can be as addictive as crack, and he's not going to be able to break it until he's forced to by withdrawl of funds currently enabling him to ignore real life for a fantasy world.

Good luck.

Mupette · 7 April 2010 at 3:49PM

Have to agree with Redman.

I am a former wow player, and for me it was having to leave my job for ill health and managing bills etc, it would of been very easy for me to see that as extra wow time, but... luckily i had my sensible head on at the time, cancelled the subscription, didn't even play till the end of that term. I will go back and play, but not fussed or bothered about it at this present time.

I would be thinking of putting a lock on the MIL bedroom door, making sure that it can't be kicked in too.. try and get her to put her food in her bedroom and leave out of date stuff in the kitchen. can someone treat her to a little fridge in her room?

Get the electric / gas changed over to key meter, and put bare minimum on when she is at home, it will be run out by morning if lazy son is playing wow, so whilst she's at work....he has no electric for wow, especially when he is on a long dungeon run that can take about 8 hours or more.

I'd say cancel the wow account, but knowing how a child can react to no play, you can imagine how this lazy lump is like...

is he on drugs? get the police there to raid him, he won't notice if he is in a raid himself, if he is and he has to talk to the police, he is likely to lash out on them... time in cell for a few hours!!

Not sure what i can say really, wow yes is addictive, i am sure there is an Easter event going on too... more game time.

Good luck, sounds like your going to need it.

jcr16 · 7 April 2010 at 3:54PM

bit harsh but i'd change the electric over to key meter as i would gas, just put bear minimum of food in cupboard. pint of milk, loaf of bread, and some beans. then tell mil to book two weeks off work holiday and let her come and stay with you. have some quality time all together and let her son just get on with it. he will soon realise how much his mum does for him and the break will prob do your mil the world of good.

sorry if i sound harsh but he is 19 he needs to learn to look after his mum for once and pull his own weight around the house. He could get a job and contribue to his mum, even if he only worked part time it would be a start.

laurenjs88 · 7 April 2010 at 4:07PM

Redman30 wrote: »

The WOW addiction is the problem here, he'll likely go mental if you cut the internet off, or indeed just drag him away from the comp for five minutes. Trouble is that's what needs to happen. And likely it's his brother that will need to instigate it.

Those games can be as addictive as crack, and he's not going to be able to break it until he's forced to by withdrawl of funds currently enabling him to ignore real life for a fantasy world.

This is the root of the problem i believe, the boy doesnt even bathe... Though to be fair he no longer fits in the bath either.. He is up all night playing with "friends" in US and sleeps on and off during the day. One time I got a chair out to reach up to the fuse box to turn off the electric whilst his mum was at work and my OH rugby tackled me off it...Telling me i couldnt do it as me !!!!ing him off isnt worth the grief his mum would get when she got home.

As far as i know he hasnt been violent for a few years now, but i think thats more because his mum "pleases" him constantly.

I would quite happily "have a few choice words" with him, but I think I would upset so much of the rest of their family who think he'll eventually just get better if they are gentle with him, that i'd make it worse.

Not sure how tall he is but he has to duck through door frames and is so big he kind of walks through them at an angle... if that makes sense. So i can completly understand why people would be terrified of upsetting him.

OH gets quite defensive when I tell him he needs to do something, He's spent most of his time at home looking after his mum & unfortunatly he is the same as her personaility wise and is pretty meek & mild... Considering he plays American Football he's abit of a wuss.

Its also difficult as I really dont want our kids around him, I met him for the first time at christmas & my DD1 was chatting away to him at times but it made me very uncomfortable he was only around for a brief time before skulking off again, but I dunno...

I cannot get my head around how anyone could ever hit their mum & I dont want that type of person around my children.

Ive just ordered her some shopping. Spent more than we can afford really but atleast I know their is going to be some fresh & in date food in the house!

Do the people at WOW & other MPG not have some kind of social responsibility for people becomming addicted to thier games? I know there is some guidlines for gambling. Their really should be something for this kind of thing.

BitterAndTwisted · 7 April 2010 at 4:10PM

The most obvious question to ask is: WHY is he allowed no make no financial contribution to the household expenses? How has this arisen and why is your MIL allowing it to continue?

I would advise you to beware of appearing to interfere in another family's private business unless your MIL invites you to. This is a situation she has contributed to and is continuing to connive in. If anything is to change she is the one who is going to have to do it although I acknowledge that working flat-out seven days a week would sap the strength of Samson.

Invite her to come and stay for a week or so as already suggested and ask her to leave nothing edible in the house whatsoever. Once at your home you and your OH could try and organise a family conference to discuss what needs to be done to get this idle loafer of a parasite off his fat backside and start paying his way.

MIL cant afford to eat bit of a rant...

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