Is it "my debt" or "our debt"?

leni · 15 June 2006 at 12:41PM

I noticed a few people refer to debt as being "my debt" etc etc

My partner and I are about 4k in debt, my sig states whats in my name and although we have debts in your seperate names, we still see them as "our debts"

Our wages go into a joint account and we never state which is "my money" etc etc, we are a partnership and that means finances, debts, bills, bonuses are joint!

I realise this is easier to say when you're not too much in debt, live together or have been together a long time but still, I find it weird when people are together and have their seperate accounts and contribute towards the bills via a joint account and keep the left over wages for themselves!

Maybe I'm weird though, but I also find it interesting!:o

Molanole · 15 June 2006 at 12:47PM

I am one of those people you speak of. It's simpler for us to keep things seperate as although I earn more than my OH, my debt is also a lot higher. I'm also a believer in him having to learn to take responsibility otherwise he'll just get reliant on me bailing him out. For example, I gave (not lent) him £100 the other day to help pay his credit card bill this month - I had to prompt him to even say thank you

Surf_Widow · 15 June 2006 at 12:52PM

What you described is exactly the way my husband and I manage our finances and have done since we first started living together. We each pay a proportion of our wages into a joint account and out of this all the bills are paid. However we also pay out all our debt repayments from this joint money as well regardless of whose name the debts are in.

From the money left over in our personal accounts we also each contribute towards personal and joint savings accounts and use the remainder for personal spending. This way we can buy Christmas and birthday gifts for each other without revealing what we bought and how much was spent.

We've always been very open with our finances and access each others online banking if we need to. Most of the time we also end up sharing our personal spending money and when we go shopping whoever has the most cash left tends to pay for things even if its clothes etc for the other person!

I find it really strange when couples don't have joint accounts and insist on being reimbursed for buying drinks/food etc. for their partner. While I understand the importance of maintaining some financial independance I'd never dream of making my husband pay me back money he's borrowed for a bar of chocolate!

Just thought I'd share our system - hope it makes sense!

duncans-mum_2 · 15 June 2006 at 1:01PM

My OH and I have been together 8 years and we have seperate accounts, purely to keep things seperate so we know where we are with money every month. athe bills and debts all get paid out of my account and his money we use for everyday stuff like food, petrol etc. Although the c/cards we have are in his name (although I have contributed) all our money and debt is classed as "ours" No particular way is weird. People are different and its what suits them best in the way they are able to manage their money. Although some people do this because certain debts they have, they may have run up solely on their own or before they were together.

TerryB_3 · 15 June 2006 at 1:06PM

My wife and I keep our money separate.

We both have different views about money. I have a strict budget that I maintain every day, and work out where every penny goes. My wife doesn't really know how much money is in her account.

If we shared our money, I think we would drive each other mad.

Imelda · 15 June 2006 at 1:07PM

Hi Leni,

My Oh and I don't live together so it's not so much of an issue but when the time comes I don't think we would have totally joint finances. He has never been in any debt whatsoever and I wouldn't blame him for being reluctant to have a joint account and run the risk of me ruining his financial situation. On the other hand I think I would be more responsible if i had someone else to consider everytime I drew cash out/ bought something. each to their own really.

Bestthingsinlifearefree · 15 June 2006 at 1:11PM

My wifes debt is my debt and her savings are my savings and my debts are her debts and my savings are her savings and the same with our income.

After all together in sickness and health "for richer or poorer"............its in the vows.

One team finacially and otherwise. We get rich together, we get poor together.

We would not want it any other way.

spud30 · 15 June 2006 at 1:13PM

I couldn't have said it better Best,

We spent the money together, and we will struggle and repay it together.

Love is !!!

lynzpower · 15 June 2006 at 1:16PM

Me & OH have been together for almost a year and have lived together since September.

My debts are mine, and very few ran up further since we got together (although I put our first date on my credit card) He has his own, which he has ran up partly before he met me and partly since.

I have lent him money too, however, I agree with Molanole on this, soon enough I will be able to "help him out" but it wont be me paying off his debt, will be more like, me covering the food or other essential spends when we are able to do so. He has to crawl out of debt the hard way, and me paying it off for him isnt doing him any favours. I know, my folks have bailed me out more times than I can remember, and although I thanked them I dont think I was ever really grateful, nor did it help me THAT much either in the long run.

I do buy everything for the flat though ( new bin, furniture etc) , as its MY flat ( in my name etc) and plus hes on such poor money, I think its fairer this way....

Make sense?

leni · 15 June 2006 at 1:17PM

Surf_Widow wrote:

What you described is exactly the way my husband and I manage our finances and have done since we first started living together. We each pay a proportion of our wages into a joint account and out of this all the bills are paid. However we also pay out all our debt repayments from this joint money as well regardless of whose name the debts are in.

From the money left over in our personal accounts we also each contribute towards personal and joint savings accounts and use the remainder for personal spending. This way we can buy Christmas and birthday gifts for each other without revealing what we bought and how much was spent.

We've always been very open with our finances and access each others online banking if we need to. Most of the time we also end up sharing our personal spending money and when we go shopping whoever has the most cash left tends to pay for things even if its clothes etc for the other person!

I find it really strange when couples don't have joint accounts and insist on being reimbursed for buying drinks/food etc. for their partner. While I understand the importance of maintaining some financial independance I'd never dream of making my husband pay me back money he's borrowed for a bar of chocolate!

Just thought I'd share our system - hope it makes sense![/QUOTE]

this is the more the "weird" bit I was thinking about!

We tried the seperate accounts but because my partner gets paid 13 times a year (every 4 weeks) we found my wages paid all the bills (because my wages co-inside with DD) so then thought the best option was a joint account, we do still have seperate accounts that we buy presents for each other with and transfer the money from the joint into them as and when needed!

stebiz · 15 June 2006 at 1:17PM

My wifes income is paid into her account - and all the direct debits come out of this.

My income is paid into my account and on pay day I transfer 50% over to hers.

We also keep a housekeeping book. All additional expenditure is put in here so there is a running balance in my or my wifes favour. At the end of the month we pay each other the difference. This helps when we have to pay for shopping, kids etc.

Works for us!!!

Regards
Stebiz

Is it "my debt" or "our debt"?

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