The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

Quasar · 13 April 2009 at 3:31PM

jayII wrote: »

Thanks Q, that's exactly what I aim for, albeit less consciously, and without the philosophical background. I did the same throughout my degree when faced with presentations, etc. Relaxing my expectations does help me.

Luckily my job-hunting isn't urgent, and won't become so for a year or two, so this is the perfect time to practise/learn equanimity. I just have to discover how!:o

Well the way I do it is described in post #39. It may not work for you in the same "format", but you will get an idea how to adapt it to suit your particular psychological make up, as you certainly don't lack the intelligence to do so.

tattycath · 13 April 2009 at 4:20PM

Another thing I have discovered on my journey is that every set back makes you a stronger person and every life experience makes us the person we are today-so I'm turning negatives into positives-it helps me.

jayII · 13 April 2009 at 4:29PM

tattycath wrote: »

Another thing I have discovered on my journey is that every set back makes you a stronger person and every life experience makes us the person we are today-so I'm turning negatives into positives-it helps me.

I feel the same tattycath, on the whole, everthing is a learning experience.

beachbeth · 13 April 2009 at 4:44PM

absolutebounder wrote: »

This could be where you go wrong as you are probably invoking the law of attraction.
This basically means if you think the worst it is more likely to come about.
Dont ask me how it works I just know it does.

I keep thinking about how things will be after the tribunal. I'll be so much happier when its all over. If they reinstate my benefit then great. If they don't then, even though I will no longer have the benefit, I also can say goodbye to the Jobcentreplus and will no longer have them on my back, which will be a relief. (For anyone who has never had benefits, believe me they don't leave you alone, always getting you to fill things in or see this person or that!) So life should be better once its all over - Im just dreading the actual day.

The trouble with being optimistic and trying not to let the tribunal get me down is that, if they see a relaxed and happy me (which I couldn't pull off no matter what I did anyway!) then they will think Im well enough to work. I need to let them see the real, panicky and anxious me which is how I normally am.

Hope this makes sense.

absolutebounder · 13 April 2009 at 5:43PM

beachbeth wrote: »

I keep thinking about how things will be after the tribunal. I'll be so much happier when its all over. If they reinstate my benefit then great. If they don't then, even though I will no longer have the benefit, I also can say goodbye to the Jobcentreplus and will no longer have them on my back, which will be a relief. (For anyone who has never had benefits, believe me they don't leave you alone, always getting you to fill things in or see this person or that!) So life should be better once its all over - Im just dreading the actual day.

The trouble with being optimistic and trying not to let the tribunal get me down is that, if they see a relaxed and happy me (which I couldn't pull off no matter what I did anyway!) then they will think Im well enough to work. I need to let them see the real, panicky and anxious me which is how I normally am.

Hope this makes sense.

Just a little thought (hopefully positive) If you were lying on your deathbed and you looked back on the day of your tribunal and realised you had a choice between good health and a happy life or benefit reinstatement do you think you would regret your choice.
Actually you could apply this line of thinking to any day and any choice you made

beachbeth · 13 April 2009 at 6:36PM

absolutebounder wrote: »

Just a little thought (hopefully positive) If you were lying on your deathbed and you looked back on the day of your tribunal and realised you had a choice between good health and a happy life or benefit reinstatement do you think you would regret your choice.
Actually you could apply this line of thinking to any day and any choice you made

I don't think this is the choice though. If they don't reinstate my benefit I will still have depression, will still not be able to attend most social occasions, still get weepy and anxious and will still find it hard to listen to music, which is something I used to absolutely love doing.

I won't get better just because Im not on benefit. I will just be worse off financially.

This is the trouble with the system at the moment. When you have depression you have to convince a doctor sitting in front of you how bad you are - you have no broken leg or faulty back that you can physically show.

absolutebounder · 13 April 2009 at 11:04PM

Quasar wrote: »

A pillar of Eastern thought is detachment from outcomes. This does not mean outright indifference, but requires the exercise of non-attachment to the result of one's actions, ie. you do what you have to do and don't invest the outcome with excessive emotional energy. So that if things work out, fine, if they don't there is always another opportunity and you can immediately think of the next move.
.

Spot on Q. If you worry about getting the job and you dont you have nothing whereas if you worry about being the best you can at the interview then sooner or later you willget the job and if you dont you still know you did your best

Space_donkey · 14 April 2009 at 8:59AM

What a greaty weekend I've had. I went away to the sea side with a friend and I thought I would try some of this thought challenging and it was fantastic. Because I was in a place where no one knew me and so wouldn't judge me I started talking to strangers in the pub and the supermarket and the bus stop. I was amazed how easy it was to strike up a conversation and how friendly people were. Im really buzzing now because I managed to talk to more people than my friend who is very good looking and mostly the centre of attention.

absolutebounder · 14 April 2009 at 3:53PM

beachbeth wrote: »

I I will still have depression, will still not be able to attend most social occasions, still get weepy and anxious and will still find it hard to listen to music, which is something I used to absolutely love doing. I won't get better just because Im not on benefit. I will just be worse off financially.

.

There is an awefull lot os use of the word will in your paragraph above. You are talking of the future which hasnt happened yet. How do you know anything WILL definitely happen?Even if you do not get the benefit reinstated there are a whole raft of benefits which the condition gives you such as not being at work while your children grow up. If you are really honest withyourself and write down all that you gain from being ill eg the example above you might find that your brain no longer needs depression to keep you at home thus allowing yourself to be happy but obeying the natural instincts of your mind.
You do of course have to accept that your brain does not want you to be super rich but wealth in life is about more than money.

beachbeth · 14 April 2009 at 4:52PM

I spent at least 7 years trying to fight my depression and asking doctors and therapists how to do it (none of them seemed to know the answer). I couldn't do it and I suppose the reason I used the word "will" a lot in my previous post is because Im now resigned to the fact that Im stuck with it. (Ive read self help books too.)

In one way, my depression helps me deal with my own mother and she was definitely nicer to me once we all realised I was suffering with depression.

One way I would describe my depression is that my brain feels as though its almost full to bursting. If I have one stress or one task to do then that means my brain is completely full. If I have two or more stresses or tasks then I suffer from overload and end up doing nothing at all because I can't get my head round any of it!

I had 3 of my closest relatives for Sunday lunch. They understand me completely and I can relax in their company (indeed, one of them suffers with depression too). Yet, first thing in the morning I went into the kitchen and saw the meat waiting to go in the oven and thought about all the veg that needed peeling and I just started to feel panicky as though it was all too much. Luckily, it didn't matter because my OH did most of it. This is the way depression affects me and I don't know how to stop this.

The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

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