Housing for pregnant 17 year old

LillyJ · 31 July 2008 at 5:46PM

Firstly, many congratulations on the impending arrival of your first grandchild! Although it is not in cirmumstances you would have chosen, what a wonderful and exciting next few years you will have. In 21 years when you attend your grandchild's graduation/passing out parade etc etc you will look back on this with a smile!

I just wondered one thing, with them getting married, where is the money for that coming from? Because even if it is only a registry office wedding with no dress/food/guests etc it still costs a few hundred just for the legal side of things. That may be enough for a deposit for a flat so maybe they should hold off on the wedding for now (although I can see why they want to do it, no harm will come of waiting a year or two).

I know that it is a long shot but do you have a dining room or any type of second reception room that could be converted (short term) to a bedroom? I am sure you have thought of this.
Also how old is your other daughter? Is she older or younger? ie is she going to be moving out any time soon? Or would she mind sharing with the baby for a while?

Also would be an emergency situation but could you share with your son for a couple of months, with your wife and other daughter sharing, therefore giving your daughter some space with her baby (and boyfriend/husband) if needed. I know that would be a bit drastic and disruptive for the family.

Otherwise can your daughter get a job? She could do something that didn't involve too much manual effort so she could stay at work later in the pregnancy (eg till work as opposed to waiting tables etc).

What are the local private rentals like in terms of price? could HB cover it? They would only need a studio until the baby was 1 or so, so gives about a while to find somewhere bigger/save?

They also have a fair few months left to save before the baby comes if they can both get jobs.

I really hope this goes well for you all.

Good luck.

PS to those who said she might have been more careful if she had known she wouldn't have been given a council house - OP said she was using contraception, and as we all know they are not fool proof. Good on her for not taking the easy way out and as Snooze suggested "get shut of it".

Also please don't go down the route of taking on the child as your own - I know a family where this lead to years of lies, with the child believing her own mother was her sister, until she was 14 and a neighbour told her. The family is now not speaking and haven't been for 10 years.

tomstickland · 31 July 2008 at 5:57PM

I think options closer to home are the path of least resistance. Living in a B&B with no facilities sounds apalling to me.

Consider all the various sharing options. Son and other daughter share and daughter and baby share, boyfriend/husband comes to visit.

Could a room be converted?

Log cabin is a good one - I stayed in a bothy on a camp site and it was comfortable and warm.

I've no idea how much care they took with contraception, but they've put themselves into a difficult situation here. I think that they've made the right decision in carrying on though.

Phirefly · 31 July 2008 at 5:58PM

LillyJ wrote: »

PS to those who said she might have been more careful if she had known she wouldn't have been given a council house - OP said she was using contraception, and as we all know they are not fool proof.

Your post was very well put but I had to pick up on this.

I said that if teenagers were aware of the reality of their potential situation they might think twice.

I can't believe I'm putting this on a public forum but when I was younger, I was on the pill, AND my then long-term other half preferred to use his own protection as well. Once when I realised the eye drops I'd been taking might contain antibiotics, I went out and got emergency contraception. I was taking NO chances.

This is not a judgement on the OPs daughters situation specifically. I know it happens and its not construcive to rake over the whys and wherefores now, but I stand by my comment.

LillyJ · 31 July 2008 at 6:02PM

Phirefly wrote: »

Your post was very well put but I had to pick up on this.

I said that if teenagers were aware of the reality of their potential situation they might be more careful.

I can't believe I'm putting this on a public forum but when I was younger, I was on the pill, AND my then long-term other half preferred to use his own protection as well. Once when I realised the eye drops I'd been taking might contain antibiotics, I went out and got emergency contraception. I was taking NO chances.

This is not a judgement on the OPs daughters situation specifically. I know it happens and its not construcive to rake over the whys and wherefores now, but I stand by my comment.

I do agree with you in a way, however a very close friend of mine became pregnant 5 months before she took her medical finals. Sadly it was an ectopic pregnancy and was not viable, but how things could have been different. She was a well educated young woman, who was nearly a doctor (with the knowledge of contraception that goes with that) and everything to lose if she had been able to continue the pregnancy. She still found herself in that situation. Have a look at the success rates of different contraceptions (and the rates are when used correctly!) It is frightening

dedward67 · 31 July 2008 at 6:10PM

Thanks for all your comments. Other daughter is 14 and starting GCSE's in September so baby in room with sister and her just wouldn't work. Got the task of speaking to them both tonight to look at the ways forward! Wish there was an easy solution, but there isn't! Either he's got to get a job and rent privately, they've got to claim homelessness and get put wherever (b & b/hostel etc) or she lives in our dining room with baby and he lives in his place. It means TV dinners for the forseeable future, but an option, I suppose. Wouldn't be an option him living there as well though, my two other children tolerate him, but are still fairly bitter that he got their sister pregnant so pleasantries are few and far between!!

LillyJ · 31 July 2008 at 6:15PM

dedward67 wrote: »

Thanks for all your comments. Other daughter is 14 and starting GCSE's in September so baby in room with sister and her just wouldn't work. Got the task of speaking to them both tonight to look at the ways forward! Wish there was an easy solution, but there isn't! Either he's got to get a job and rent privately, they've got to claim homelessness and get put wherever (b & b/hostel etc) or she lives in our dining room with baby and he lives in his place. It means TV dinners for the forseeable future, but an option, I suppose. Wouldn't be an option him living there as well though, my two other children tolerate him, but are still fairly bitter that he got their sister pregnant so pleasantries are few and far between!!

Ah I see, 14 is a bit impossible to share with the baby, thought she may have been older.

I think the dining room is your best bet at the moment, it won't do your daughter and her fiance any harm to not live together at first, a baby doesn't notice where it's parent's sleep! A lot of people only have one reception room with the size of family yours is, and they cope fine. A foldy table could be one way round it if you cherish family meals together.

Then as soon as your daughter's boyfriend has a job they can move out together (just remember time is on your side at the moment, there are quite a few months before it is even an issue!)

I think maybe you should explain to your children that it take two to tango and he didn't "get their sister pregnant", rather she fell pregnant accidently with his child! May just make things a bit awkward when baby comes and he wants to spend time with the family.

Again good luck!

jackieb · 31 July 2008 at 6:16PM

I think the dining room could be workable.

Phirefly · 31 July 2008 at 6:16PM

Well either way at least she's got her Dad helping her find a solution.

honey100 · 31 July 2008 at 6:19PM

They are obviously super optimists, good luck.

dedward67 · 31 July 2008 at 6:19PM

LillyJ wrote: »

I just wondered one thing, with them getting married, where is the money for that coming from? Because even if it is only a registry office wedding with no dress/food/guests etc it still costs a few hundred just for the legal side of things. That may be enough for a deposit for a flat so maybe they should hold off on the wedding for now (although I can see why they want to do it, no harm will come of waiting a year or two).

TBH the cost of the wedding is being met by ourselves and b/f's mum. They're having a small buffet locally but friends are doing the food. Registry office cost total somewhere around £115.

Housing for pregnant 17 year old

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free