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    • DesperateScousewife
    • By DesperateScousewife 8th Jan 20, 3:25 PM
    • 522Posts
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    DesperateScousewife
    Can sister in law attend will reading?
    • #1
    • 8th Jan 20, 3:25 PM
    Can sister in law attend will reading? 8th Jan 20 at 3:25 PM
    I have a very strained relationship with my brother and his very domineering wife. Mum passed away before Christmas and he has made an appointment to see mums solicitors...also her executors... regarding mums will.
    Can I insist sil does not attend this meeting? She isnít mentioned in the will at all.

    TIA for any replies.
Page 2
    • maman
    • By maman 10th Jan 20, 5:30 PM
    • 21,274 Posts
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    maman
    I am attending. To protect my interest and those of my child/grandchild mentioned in the Will.
    Sil was asking me where my mums rings are. I removed them in the hospital as mums fingers were swelling. Sil was insisting her daughter has them as a keepsake. I told her I am only daughter and I was only one who looked after mum and I am having them. Mum had previously said they were mine. But obviously hard to prove that. So sil in a threatening manner said they are part of mums estate. So itís not going to go smoothly.
    Originally posted by DesperateScousewife
    There's obviously resentment in what you've posted. It's understandable but unless you want to fall out with your brother and line the solicitor's pockets then I really think you should try and compromise.

    I wear my grandmother's wedding ring. My father was an only child so it was passed to my mother and then to me (as the only girl). I wear it every day. My ring from DH and my mother's ring are in my jewellery box for high days and holidays.

    I'm telling you this because it's unlikely that your nieces would wear your mother's rings. Try to explain to your brother that you want to wear them not put them in drawer somewhere. Is there something else they could have as a keepsake? My brothers asked that my mum's bangles (12 thin, gold slave bangles) be shared between my 3 nieces. I did so to please them (their fathers). I've never seen the girls wear them and I know I'd have worn them every day but it was a compromise worth making.
    • mpet
    • By mpet 10th Jan 20, 8:19 PM
    • 414 Posts
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    mpet
    A will is a matter of public record. Once probate has been obtained anyone (whether they are mentioned in the will or not) can apply for a copy of the will.
    • luxor4t
    • By luxor4t 11th Jan 20, 9:28 AM
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    luxor4t
    [QUOTE=.........My grandmother and one of her sisters once fell out for years over a pig-shaped nail brush so believe me, it doesn't take much! .......[/QUOTE]

    It was a moulded glass sugar basin in my family!
    I can cook and sew, make flowers grow.
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 11th Jan 20, 10:05 AM
    • 7,383 Posts
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    Keep pedalling
    While we are painted a picture of the evil SIL here, the fact is that if these items are not mentioned in the will and the estate is to be split between the OP and her brother he also has a right to a share of his mother’s chattels. Sons often want something from their mother that they can gift to their wife which they can pass on to their daughters, so I think the OP is being unreasonable in wanting it all.

    She should have the grace to come to an arrangement with her brother on how to split these things.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 13th Jan 20, 2:25 PM
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    Malthusian
    That's your take on it.

    If DesperateScousewife says that her mother told her the rings were hers and that she gave them to her when they had to be removed in the hospital, who could prove otherwise?
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    It can't be proven either way, so if the family were daft enough to take it to court, the judge would look at whose fingers they were on. That would be mum's, until the moment they became too uncomfortable to keep on, an unspecified but short time before death.

    By contrast if the OP had been wearing them for weeks with mum's knowledge, that would be clear evidence that a gift was made before death.

    If the OP has a witness prepared to testify that after her mother asked her to remove the rings she immediately made her a gift of them, then it's not just "he said, she said" anymore.
    • onwards&upwards
    • By onwards&upwards 13th Jan 20, 3:29 PM
    • 1,584 Posts
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    onwards&upwards
    While we are painted a picture of the evil SIL here, the fact is that if these items are not mentioned in the will and the estate is to be split between the OP and her brother he also has a right to a share of his motherís chattels. Sons often want something from their mother that they can gift to their wife which they can pass on to their daughters, so I think the OP is being unreasonable in wanting it all.

    She should have the grace to come to an arrangement with her brother on how to split these things.
    Originally posted by Keep pedalling

    Very much agree with this.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 13th Jan 20, 4:39 PM
    • 5,095 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    After my MIL (who I'd always got on with) died my FIL gave all her jewellery to my SIL.

    EDIT : just realised half the post appeared!

    Just wanted to add that whilst I wasn't expecting half, I did think a token piece would have been nice to have been given but didn't feel it was my place to ask for one (& I think it totally went over hubby's head).

    Didn't affect my realionship with FIL but wondered for a long time if he felt the same about me as I did for him.
    Last edited by gettingtheresometime; 13-01-2020 at 8:41 PM.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
    • Flix21
    • By Flix21 13th Jan 20, 8:04 PM
    • 21 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    Flix21
    I think this is why itís important to either divide things up before death or stipulate what goes to who in the will. Save all this drama.

    My mum gave me the jewellery she wanted me to have a month before she passed away, in the presence of a witness. She also made mention of it in her will.
    Meant others in the family had nothing to argue.
    • pattycake
    • By pattycake 14th Jan 20, 2:04 PM
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    pattycake
    in her will, my mother left all her jewellery to me - her only daughter. The exception was 2 specific bracelets which were left to the 2 granddaughters. However, I asked my SIL and my DIL to chose an item as a keepsake which they did.

    There was absolutely no animosity as we are a close family and not so mercenary as many people who post on these boards about resentment when it come to inheritance.
    • Marvel1
    • By Marvel1 14th Jan 20, 8:48 PM
    • 4,660 Posts
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    Marvel1
    I am attending. To protect my interest and those of my child/grandchild mentioned in the Will.
    Sil was asking me where my mums rings are. I removed them in the hospital as mums fingers were swelling. Sil was insisting her daughter has them as a keepsake. I told her I am only daughter and I was only one who looked after mum and I am having them. Mum had previously said they were mine. But obviously hard to prove that. So sil in a threatening manner said they are part of mums estate. So itís not going to go smoothly.
    Originally posted by DesperateScousewife
    Grandaughters on sister in law side get nothing as a keepsake to remember her?
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 14th Jan 20, 9:12 PM
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    Mojisola
    Grandaughters on sister in law side get nothing as a keepsake to remember her?
    Originally posted by Marvel1
    It would be surprising if Gran didn't have any other jewellery apart from the rings she regularly wore - those could be divided among the other family members.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 14th Jan 20, 9:40 PM
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    LilElvis
    It would be surprising if Gran didn't have any other jewellery apart from the rings she regularly wore - those could be divided among the other family members.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    And, as jewellery doesn't appear to have been specified, why shouldn't the brother be just as entitled to "significant" pieces such as engagement, wedding and eternity rings. Why shouldn't he receive one of the pieces she regularly wore?
    • pattycake
    • By pattycake 15th Jan 20, 8:33 AM
    • 1,369 Posts
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    pattycake
    Grandaughters on sister in law side get nothing as a keepsake to remember her?
    Originally posted by Marvel1
    In our case, there werenít any.
    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 15th Jan 20, 12:57 PM
    • 1,830 Posts
    • 4,279 Thanks
    pickledonionspaceraider
    I am attending. To protect my interest and those of my child/grandchild mentioned in the Will.
    Sil was asking me where my mums rings are. I removed them in the hospital as mums fingers were swelling. Sil was insisting her daughter has them as a keepsake. I told her I am only daughter and I was only one who looked after mum and I am having them. Mum had previously said they were mine. But obviously hard to prove that. So sil in a threatening manner said they are part of mums estate. So it’s not going to go smoothly.
    Originally posted by DesperateScousewife
    I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother, I truly am, and this must be a very hard time for you all.

    It is only my opinion, but I find the bit in bold, quite unsavoury, because anything could be read in to that. This is how family breakdowns happen and it is completely and utterly avoidable.

    Unless the rings are gifted in the Will...they are part of the estate - I am pretty sure your SIL is correct.

    I would not be impressed, if I were your Brother, at the way you are handling this, so far, I must admit.

    If your Brother is the quiet type and does not want to argue, maybe his wife is doing what you are:- protecting her Husbands (and by default her) and child's interests...so you can see where she is coming from, surely?

    As I said, this is a very difficult time for you,and the entire family including your Brother....so my thoughts are:- Do not make it more difficult for you all, by initiating petty squabbles about possessions. It would be a dis-service to your Mother.

    I have seen first hand family breakdowns due to possessions after a death, please please do NOT let this be another one of those.

    Family is more important than possessions . I hope you find a way to work this out without alienating a section of your family/or vice versa

    I am sorry and I know this comes across as I am having a gratuitous dig - so I apologise in advance for that. I am just saying an opinion of how things may be perceived
    Last edited by pickledonionspaceraider; 15-01-2020 at 1:09 PM.
    'Entitled' and 'Snowflake' = buzz words, of the passive aggressive..they are not even a 'thing'.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 15th Jan 20, 1:32 PM
    • 40,433 Posts
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    Savvy_Sue
    The OP hasn't been on the site for nearly a week, and I suspect won't particularly like the fact that she's not getting the answers she was expecting. However like you I hope she can see another point of view.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: TWO adult cardigans, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees, 2 sets of handwarmers, 1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 3 balaclavas, multiple hats and poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
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    • pickledonionspaceraider
    • By pickledonionspaceraider 15th Jan 20, 2:07 PM
    • 1,830 Posts
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    pickledonionspaceraider
    The OP hasn't been on the site for nearly a week, and I suspect won't particularly like the fact that she's not getting the answers she was expecting. However like you I hope she can see another point of view.
    Originally posted by Savvy_Sue
    Ahh I didn't know. I didn't realise , not sure how to tell when someone was last on here

    I think sometimes it helps to hear it explained (from a person who is not emotionally involved) just for the mere fact to see where the other side are coming from - whether a person agrees or not
    'Entitled' and 'Snowflake' = buzz words, of the passive aggressive..they are not even a 'thing'.
    • mattpaint
    • By mattpaint 16th Jan 20, 3:13 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 589 Thanks
    mattpaint
    It seems clear to me that your sister-in-law is the only one who will stand up to you. If my aunt took my grandmother's rings off her in the hospital and kept them, believe me the grasping thief would be treated as such.
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