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    • MSE Jenny
    • By MSE Jenny 22nd Dec 09, 5:38 PM
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    MSE Jenny
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Luke keep giving prezzies to Leia's ungrateful kids?
    • #1
    • 22nd Dec 09, 5:38 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Luke keep giving prezzies to Leia's ungrateful kids? 22nd Dec 09 at 5:38 PM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

    Should Luke stop giving prezzies to Leia's kids?

    Every Christmas, Luke picks out and posts prezzies to his sister Leia's children. Yet the kids, Jaina and Jacen, never write thank you letters or phone to say cheers. Luke is peeved because he always wrote letters when he was a child, and makes sure his own son does too.

    Click reply to have your say

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    • robpw2
    • By robpw2 22nd Dec 09, 5:39 PM
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    • #2
    • 22nd Dec 09, 5:39 PM
    • #2
    • 22nd Dec 09, 5:39 PM
    no he shouldnt

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    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 22nd Dec 09, 9:21 PM
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    • #3
    • 22nd Dec 09, 9:21 PM
    • #3
    • 22nd Dec 09, 9:21 PM
    Yes, because it's not the childrens fault that their parent hasn't taught them that it's good manners to say thankyou.
    Chav names, chav manners.
    • mountainofdebt
    • By mountainofdebt 22nd Dec 09, 10:52 PM
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    • #4
    • 22nd Dec 09, 10:52 PM
    • #4
    • 22nd Dec 09, 10:52 PM
    gawd these could be my sister's children.

    I used to worry about whether a gift would be suitable especially as they have more toys per sq metre than Hamleys but realised they were so ungrateful that it didn't matter so I don't worry any more.

    I only send a pressie to keep the peace with my mum
    • pinkfluffybabe
    • By pinkfluffybabe 22nd Dec 09, 10:54 PM
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    • #5
    • 22nd Dec 09, 10:54 PM
    • #5
    • 22nd Dec 09, 10:54 PM
    He shouldn't stop giving gifts but could 'shame' them into a thank you by saying 'did you like your gift' next time he saw them.

    We have the exact same in our family, my dad sends his nephews money for every birthday and christmas and has never once had a word of thanks, and yet when I was growing up I was always told to phone and say thank you. It's ill mannered not to in my opinion.
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  • Frank.
    • #6
    • 22nd Dec 09, 10:56 PM
    • #6
    • 22nd Dec 09, 10:56 PM
    Luke should use the Force, Leia would feel his presents.
  • joolzred
    • #7
    • 22nd Dec 09, 11:00 PM
    • #7
    • 22nd Dec 09, 11:00 PM
    Luke should use the Force, Leia would feel his presents.
    Originally posted by Frank.
    and another
    • eurovision_fan
    • By eurovision_fan 22nd Dec 09, 11:49 PM
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    • #8
    • 22nd Dec 09, 11:49 PM
    • #8
    • 22nd Dec 09, 11:49 PM
    I think Luke should withhold presents until his nephews come down to collect them or if he goes up and then ask for a thank you, if one is not given withhold future presents until a heartfelt thank you is given.
    Just send an empty christmas card.
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    • gainsboroughgirl
    • By gainsboroughgirl 23rd Dec 09, 12:16 AM
    • 34 Posts
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    • #9
    • 23rd Dec 09, 12:16 AM
    • #9
    • 23rd Dec 09, 12:16 AM
    Luke should use the Force, Leia would feel his presents.
    Originally posted by Frank.
    Perhaps send a charity gift next time - going with the use the force idea..
  • Frank.
    I think Luke should withhold presents until his nephews come down to collect them or if he goes up and then ask for a thank you, if one is not given withhold future presents until a heartfelt thank you is given.
    Just send an empty christmas card.
    Originally posted by eurovision_fan
    What should he send to Uncle Yoda though :confused:
    • jamespir
    • By jamespir 23rd Dec 09, 6:18 AM
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    me and my partner are in the exact same situation with her sister she dont get on with my partner but we have still sent prezzies and they never say thanks
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
    • elliep
    • By elliep 23rd Dec 09, 6:51 AM
    • 685 Posts
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    Christmas shouldn't be all about the presents, though sadly it is to too many people.

    I think that if Luke enjoys choosing something for the kids and likes the thought of their happy faces when they open it then he should carry on sending something that he can afford.

    If Luke can't really afford to get presents or doesn't enjoy it anyway then he should not get anything at all.

    Perhaps he could have a word with Leia this year and tell her that a thank you would be very much appreciated. If he doesn't get one then perhaps not bother next year.

    When I was young my Grandmother's sister used to send 10 in a card every Christmas and birthday and my siblings and I would write to tell her what we'd spent it on and how grateful we were. When I was about 13 she recieved a lump sum as an inhertitance, and as she was getting older and more forgetful she decided to add up all the birthdays and Christmases until we were 18 and gave us each a cheque instead of remembering all those birthdays etc. I found out that my siblings and myself got all the birthday/Christmas presents that we would have got plus a bit more for the thank you letters that we'd written. My cousins got exactly the right amount for the presents remainining until they were 18 as none of them had ever written a thank you to her. She made it very clear why there was a difference in the amounts that she gave us and it made me realise how important it is to say thank you and how pleased she had been to get our letters each January and after birthdays.

    If Luke does decide to stop giving the children gifts he should make it clear why, and it might be nice of him to give them a chance to change their ways before he stops giving gifts to them at all.
  • Snazbaz
    Yes he should stop - he might be doing the kids a favour in the long run. I agree the parents should have taught the children to say thank you, but if the children complain that they don't get presents any more the parents should realise why and teach their kids some manners. If the children don't complain, they obviously don't appreciate or miss the presents anyway. People need to be shown what's acceptable behaviour - accepting bad behaviour is condoning it, and just teaches people that it IS acceptable (when it isn't).
    • toadhall
    • By toadhall 23rd Dec 09, 7:30 AM
    • 328 Posts
    • 78 Thanks
    yes, stop sending gifts, we have the same problem, but instead of thank you letters we get complaints, so no more pressies sadly.
    If you get pressies you should at least say thanks even if its not want you wanted or like.
    • gaily
    • By gaily 23rd Dec 09, 7:38 AM
    • 188 Posts
    • 157 Thanks
    My sister in law's kids used to phone about 3 weeks after the event - usually when they were off to cash the cheque, had realised that they haven't called, and leave a thank you message on the answerphone - normally middle of the day when they thought noone would be in.

    That's not too bad, but they didn't do anything for my kids birthday (they say Money is tight, and I wasn't expecting a big present for them or anything - but a card would have been nice.)

    If they make it over to the family for Christmas, then we have got a cheque in a card, but we're not going to be putting them in the post or anything like that.
    Last edited by gaily; 23-12-2009 at 7:39 AM. Reason: bad grammar - not sure it's much better now, sorry
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    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 23rd Dec 09, 7:40 AM
    • 427 Posts
    • 230 Thanks
    Why has he been sending these ungrateful wretches presents for so long without even an acknowledgement ? He should stop this immediately with no word of explanation whatsoever. It is a matter for regret that todays parents continue to bring up their children in a totally different way from how they were raised and will result in a lost generation of self-centered, uneducated, dependent and permanently infantilised no-hopers.
    • qetu1357
    • By qetu1357 23rd Dec 09, 7:47 AM
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    He should tell his sister that if they don't say thanks that they wont get presents next year.
    • ellymoo
    • By ellymoo 23rd Dec 09, 8:08 AM
    • 55 Posts
    • 30 Thanks
    He should stop giving, and then when they ask why,explain that as he never got a thank you he thought the children didn't like the gifts he was giving them so he thought he'd better stop.

    Bad manners should never be either tacitly encouraged, as Luke is doing, or ignored.
    • pippinpuss
    • By pippinpuss 23rd Dec 09, 8:36 AM
    • 97 Posts
    • 88 Thanks
    My kids have always written or phoned the gift giver, as I did as a child. I taught them it was bad manners not to say thanks for a gift that had been specially chosen for them. But my sister has 2 step children & the girl always writes abeautiful letter of thanks to me saying what she has done since the last time we saw he, but her brother has never ever thanked us. Her own children always phone us. This is exactly the same situation with my husbands nephew & neice.

    Well in our family we stop giving presents when the child reaches 18, this is agreed amongst everyone in the family for financial reasons. But it does hurt my feelings when I have spent time searching for the right gift for the child & I don't get a response. Just as well they are all getting older now.

    Good manners cost nothing, but bad manners cost bad feelings.
  • motherhen2234
    The balance of family politics and good manners. My cousins were similar where one year one of them didn't even make an effort to open her present due to her obsession with her new mobile my OH couldn't believe it as he hadn't met them till that year. The other cousin was very polite. The next year the presents matched their attitude since then their attitude have improve (I think my aunt had a word). I only do gift vouchers now due to their age but I still always make sure i get my male cousin something from a shop he needs something from whilst the female gets what i want to give.
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