Barking mad relatives!

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  • AnotherJoe
    AnotherJoe Posts: 19,622 Forumite
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    splishsplash wrote: »
    OP, if I were you, I would reply to the email today.

    Comment how it's lovely to hear from your aunt, you don't meet up often enough, agree that your aunt's plans sound great and while you are not in a position to help out at this time, offer a list of reasonably priced accommodations and creches etc. Tell her to be sure to tell the niece and baby to drop in for dinner/ to visit from time to time - but to ring ahead of course. Regretfully let her know you are unavailable at weekends for the moment so a meet up won't be possible for a while. Don't say why, no need.

    I wouldn't be forceful or nasty, I wouldn't explain myself, just repeat as needed 'I'm not in a position to help out right now, but here are some other suggestions and the very best of luck to her, let me know how she gets on'.

    There are many families who consider it normal to help each other out like this. My family hosted my cousin for years so that he could attend school here, I have hosted cousins for summer months to let them live and work here, my kids would never pay for accommodation if they go to their cousins' cities (handy for trips abroad now!).

    There is really no need for outrage or offence - it's just that your aunt probably doesn't realize you are not one of those types of family members. Your mum is probably caught in the middle, coming from the same background as your aunt but knowing you are unlikely to be accepting of it.


    This response reminds me of the "bad advice for tourists in London" jokes.

    Very funny, but terrible advice all the same.
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,172 Forumite
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    edited 6 May 2019 at 2:53PM
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    splishsplash wrote: »
    I haven't read prior threads, my answer was just in relation to this thread.

    I think there is more than one way to skin a cat. My way is to choke it with cream, your way is to bludgeon it with a hammer.

    The end result is the same, either way.

    You need read everything to understand your way is not going to work and will be worse.

    P.S. You never answered Pollycat's question: Did the cousins turn up unexpected?
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    edited 6 May 2019 at 7:24PM
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    getmore4less wrote: »
    The aunts daughter....

    The conversations need to make the aunt give up an go away.

    Telling her she thing her daughter ia a tramp sleeps around and you don't want her in your house bringing random bloke round.
    Add the modelling is just a cover for being a prostitute for good measure.

    Far easier to say no though, eh.

    And if any unwarranted verbal personal attacks were to be made, in this kind of situation - it just says more about the person making them in my opinion.

    But I am assuming you are joking so hey Smiley face and all that
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Sayschezza
    Sayschezza Posts: 744 Forumite
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    Elinore wrote: »
    We are a mews house - so the front door is out into the street the whole row doesn't have a front garden at all

    something like this (but less swish)

    https://everchangingmews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Stanhope-Mews-South-5-of-7.jpg

    Blow the niece get ready for me to move in.
    All that clutter used to be money
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341 Forumite
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    edited 7 May 2019 at 1:20PM
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    Elinore has been unusually silent...
  • splishsplash
    splishsplash Posts: 3,055 Forumite
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    Marvel1 wrote: »
    You need read everything to understand your way is not going to work and will be worse.

    P.S. You never answered Pollycat's question: Did the cousins turn up unexpected?

    I couldn't say about the cousins going to school - I was a child myself so don't remember much about it.

    My own children's cousins would have been by very casual arrangement - cousin phones and asks, I say fine and clear it with the parents.
    I'm an adult and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I wish someone would take this power from me.
    -Mike Primavera
    .
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    chesky wrote: »
    Elinore has been unusually silent...

    OH Jesus, I hope the mad rellys have not descended:rotfl:
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,381 Forumite
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    Have you sent it yet??!!! The longer you leave it the harder it will get. Bite the bullet.
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.31% of current retirement "pot" (as at end March 2024)
  • Elinore
    Elinore Posts: 259 Forumite
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    ok, I've been silent because have not sent it yet. (i know! I know!)

    I should mention I have written several but either I'm way too harsh or way too soft. I can't be doing with a family fall out as that would actually worse than a wee lass and baby turning up - so I'm trying WAY too hard and its making my emails terrible

    I'm such a chicken as I only posting this here today as i am away for two days so i can dodge your wrath too! :D
  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,381 Forumite
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    Obviously its entirely up to you how you want to handle this...but handle it you must one way or the other, eventually. They don't sound like the sort to let it drop.

    What's the least worse thing that can happen??!!
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.31% of current retirement "pot" (as at end March 2024)
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