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Barking mad relatives!

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  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    OP, if I were you, I would reply to the email today.

    Comment how it's lovely to hear from your aunt, you don't meet up often enough, agree that your aunt's plans sound great and while you are not in a position to help out at this time, offer a list of reasonably priced accommodations and creches etc. Tell her to be sure to tell the niece and baby to drop in for dinner/ to visit from time to time - but to ring ahead of course. Regretfully let her know you are unavailable at weekends for the moment so a meet up won't be possible for a while. Don't say why, no need.

    I wouldn't be forceful or nasty, I wouldn't explain myself, just repeat as needed 'I'm not in a position to help out right now, but here are some other suggestions and the very best of luck to her, let me know how she gets on'.
    I'm just curious if you've read the whole thread (and the other ones started by the OP about her family).
    I think replying in any way other than 'no' is a recipe for disaster.

    I don't get from the OP's posts that she thinks it's lovely to hear from her Aunt and I'm not sure she thinks they should get together more often either.
    The OP doesn't think the aunt's plans sound great at all.
    So why lie?

    I really do think the Aunt is so thick-skinned that there is a need to be forceful.
    Anything else wouldn't get through.

    TBH, I'm not sure that anything less than 'nasty' will work.
    There are many families who consider it normal to help each other out like this. My family hosted my cousin for years so that he could attend school here, I have hosted cousins for summer months to let them live and work here, my kids would never pay for accommodation if they go to their cousins' cities (handy for trips abroad now!).

    There is really no need for outrage or offence - it's just that your aunt probably doesn't realize you are not one of those types of family members. Your mum is probably caught in the middle, coming from the same background as your aunt but knowing you are unlikely to be accepting of it.
    Did your cousin's parents put him on a bus at the other end of the country with a baby in tow without any prior discussion with your family apart from a plan that he live there to pursue a career in modelling?
    Did your cousins just turn up on your doorstep with a suitcase and a plan to stay for months with any notice at all?
  • edited 6 May 2019 at 12:20PM
    silverwhistlesilverwhistle Forumite
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    edited 6 May 2019 at 12:20PM
    I've just revisited this thread after a week or two. Still entertaining and still hard to believe your aunt's behaviour.

    I'm long retired from my main career, but this calls for one of those unemotional business types emails that get the next thing ticked off on your to do list; you know the sort of thing. "Unfortunately we're unable to help in this matter" sort of thing. Anodyne and without explanation.

    Short and sweet and done today, then get on with other matters.
  • splishsplashsplishsplash Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I'm just curious if you've read the whole thread (and the other ones started by the OP about her family).
    I think replying in any way other than 'no' is a recipe for disaster.

    I don't get from the OP's posts that she thinks it's lovely to hear from her Aunt and I'm not sure she thinks they should get together more often either.
    The OP doesn't think the aunt's plans sound great at all.
    So why lie?

    I really do think the Aunt is so thick-skinned that there is a need to be forceful.
    Anything else wouldn't get through.

    TBH, I'm not sure that anything less than 'nasty' will work.


    Did your cousin's parents put him on a bus at the other end of the country with a baby in tow without any prior discussion with your family apart from a plan that he live there to pursue a career in modelling?
    Did your cousins just turn up on your doorstep with a suitcase and a plan to stay for months with any notice at all?

    I haven't read prior threads, my answer was just in relation to this thread.

    I think there is more than one way to skin a cat. My way is to choke it with cream, your way is to bludgeon it with a hammer.

    The end result is the same, either way.
    I'm an adult and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I wish someone would take this power from me.
    -Mike Primavera
    .
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    ska_lover wrote: »
    Are you responding to the correct thread?


    Which 'Tart' are you referring to? Whom is the tart?

    The aunts daughter....

    The conversations need to make the aunt give up an go away.

    Telling her she thing her daughter ia a tramp sleeps around and you don't want her in your house bringing random bloke round.
    Add the modelling is just a cover for being a prostitute for good measure.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    I haven't read prior threads, my answer was just in relation to this thread.

    I think there is more than one way to skin a cat. My way is to choke it with cream, your way is to bludgeon it with a hammer.

    The end result is the same, either way.
    But my way is much quicker. :dance:
    (I'm not sure your way would succeed anyway - neither are a number of other posters who disagree with your use of cream...:D)
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  • silverwhistlesilverwhistle Forumite
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    Gawd, you are darker than PollyCat! That would certainly rupture family relations.. but in the circumstances...
  • silverwhistlesilverwhistle Forumite
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    I see we're all still here waiting for the next instalment..:-)
  • mad_spanielmad_spaniel Forumite
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    If you keep the communications going, I can forsee a day when the daughter turns up at your door, bags packed, saying she's been turfed out with the little one and has nowhere else to go, expecting to stay. If it's late in the day, let her sleep on the floor/ settee (nowhere else) and return her the next day to the borough she used to live in. After all.... you'd be doing her a favour, as she might be able to claim as homeless with her local council and eventually get her own accomodation. The worst thing that might happen to the daughter being she might end up in a one room B&B for a while. In your property, it would take 3 years for her to establish a 'local connection.'...……….
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    Gawd, you are darker than PollyCat!
    I did say that...
    Pollycat wrote: »
    I think I'm going down a darker path than most posters.
    Pollycat wrote: »
    :eek: :eek: :eek:
    Or maybe I'm not. :D
  • AnotherJoeAnotherJoe Forumite
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    If you keep the communications going, I can forsee a day when the daughter turns up at your door, bags packed, saying she's been turfed out with the little one and has nowhere else to go, expecting to stay.


    Good thought. I wouldn't put that past the Aunt or the "wee young lass" aka co-conspirator as the next step. Which is why the woolly "would love to see more of you" soft soap wouldnt work with them. People like this need to hear and understand a firm no options "no" and not think there's an ounce of give. Most certainly do NOT say "I'm not in a position to help right now" as that gives the clear impression you will be at some time, perhaps if leaned upon harder, maybe next week is OK then ?
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