Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

System · 13 July 2017 at 12:35AM

I pay more than what the OP is being charged for a room in a shared house (and i'm up north so £70 is cheap), and i dont get the luxury of someone doing my laundry or buying me food!

I nver moved back home after uni but if i had my parents would have charged me board and as an adult i think thats completely reasonable, if im an adult and working i should be contributing to the household i'm living in.

gloriouslyhappy · 13 July 2017 at 6:45AM

Aced2016 wrote: »

This is a hard one ! I think far too many people are having children and living off child benefit and tax credits. When that finishes the parent then needs that income to continue so then charge their child rent !

Now myself and husband will not be charging any of our four children rent ! As they're not renting from us. It's their family home and that will never change. However if they're working full time, they will be responsible for their toiletries, clothes and material things they want and if course specific food. They can stay in their room and use the electricity, hot water etc and i certainly will not be looking for a penny.

It's a topic you won't ever get agreement on. But that's my opinion and stance on it. I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children, and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves. It's not about making money off them, but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?

Aced2016 · 13 July 2017 at 7:11AM

gloriouslyhappy wrote: »

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children, and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves. It's not about making money off them, but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?

But what will the cost be? They'll have their room which is just sitting there. They will use a few plug sockets and a light when home from work a few hours. And a shower in the morning ! That's buttons in what it would cost me a shower and some plug sockets.

Myself and husband wear different clothes everyday, so I would be do washing every single day as we also use clean towels every day. So sticking their clothes amongst it again isn't costing me anything. If I'm cooking a meal for example chicken, baby potatoes and broccoli, then again I'm cooking and would be using this food so makes no odds to put them out a plate.

So the way I see it is the cost to me is very little, so therefore I cannot justify charging them rent. Like I said in previous post, if working full time they're responsible for toiletries, clothes, specific food and material goods. I don't need to take their money to save for them as that's treating them as a child. I'll be encouraging them to all save for a deposit for their own houses and to start themselves up on life with best interest savings account etc. And they'll be responsible for keeping their own room tidy. So I cannot justify charging for any of our children to pay me to stay in their room while using a few plug sockets!

And when you said not everyone has the luxury to do that, myself and husband aren't rich. We've just never had tax credits etc we've relied on our wages, so we've looked after ourselves so our budget will not change when the kids suddenly leave education and get a job.

Pollycat · 13 July 2017 at 7:34AM

Aced2016 wrote: »

But what will the cost be? They'll have their room which is just sitting there. They will use a few plug sockets and a light when home from work a few hours. And a shower in the morning ! That's buttons in what it would cost me a shower and some plug sockets.

Myself and husband wear different clothes everyday, so I would be do washing every single day as we also use clean towels every day. So sticking their clothes amongst it again isn't costing me anything. If I'm cooking a meal for example chicken, baby potatoes and broccoli, then again I'm cooking and would be using this food so makes no odds to put them out a plate.

So the way I see it is the cost to me is very little, so therefore I cannot justify charging them rent. Like I said in previous post, if working full time they're responsible for toiletries, clothes, specific food and material goods. I don't need to take their money to save for them as that's treating them as a child. I'll be encouraging them to all save for a deposit for their own houses and to start themselves up on life with best interest savings account etc. And they'll be responsible for keeping their own room tidy. So I cannot justify charging for any of our children to pay me to stay in their room while using a few plug sockets!

And when you said not everyone has the luxury to do that, myself and husband aren't rich. We've just never had tax credits etc we've relied on our wages, so we've looked after ourselves so our budget will not change when the kids suddenly leave education and get a job.

I wonder if your opinion will still be the same if your children don't take your encouragement to save for their own place and are still living with you when you're drawing your state pensions?
As in this case:

badmemory wrote: »

My son is mid 30s & still living at home. Over the years what he pays has changed a lot. The first year he worked he agreed to save, I agreed for the first year as long as he did save then keep would be free. All I lost was child benefit so not a major issue. Then he started for the next couple of years to pay for food, then the extra council tax. This includes a couple of periods of redundancy where we reduced his payments to just about paying for food.

He now looks like he is never leaving home (& our electric bill is higher than the power cos consider high). He now pays half of everything except repairs & renewals. We have a spreadsheet so he can see exactly where every penny goes. He has never quibbled about his keep as he can see exactly where it is going. I think this is the key. He can see at any time where the money goes & can do/say something to change that. At the end of the year if there is any money left in the budget then we split it 50/50.

To put it another way, when they are a child then you treat them as a child, but when they are an adult they should be treated and expected to behave as an adult.

Aced2016 · 13 July 2017 at 7:47AM

gloriouslyhappy wrote: »

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children, and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves. It's not about making money off them, but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?

Pollycat wrote: »

I wonder if your opinion will still be the same if your children don't take your encouragement to save for their own place and are still living with you when you're drawing your state pensions?
As in this case:

Myself and husband are quite switched on people, I moved out and looked after myself at 16. Was at college and worked part time, I kept a private let and myself st the grand old age of 16. So myself nor husband won't just sit back and let them waste life. Our oldest is 12 now and we talk in depth with him about the future and about finances and he's well aware of bills etc. So with our open conversations and encouragement I'm not concerned about any our children in that sense. And the way we've brought them up and kind of people they are I really do not see them taking advantage of us at all!

Moving on from that my kids can stay with us until the day I die. I would be sad for them if that was the case, but it wouldn't be an issue. Them living in our house again wouldn't affect my life I wouldn't be restricted from doing anything. They're my children and its their family home for however long they want it to be. But like I say the kind of family we are, the morals we have installed in them etc I have zero concerns. It just doesn't sit right with myself or husband that's all.

Jules121121 · 13 July 2017 at 8:08AM

I am grateful that my parents did charge me rent as this taught me to budget my money and that living costs income. When I did move out to my own property ( I was one of the lucky generation able to afford and obtain a mortgage for a home of my own on my low salary at the age of 21 when mortgage rates were 16% albeit I couldn't afford to run a car ) my Mum gave me back all that I had contributed to buy me items for my new home. So no they didn't need the money and were able to afford to do this. I know this isn't always the case as parents loose all benefits such as child benefit working tax credit etc after leaving secondary education and employed or unemployed or at university so it does cost them to provide food and lodgings and they may be on lowincoes themselves !! Why should parents feel that they should have to support children who then can spend all their income on themselves with no responsibilities.

Edwina_May · 13 July 2017 at 8:28AM

I think it's fairer to give her a percentage of your salary. My son pays 30%, leaving him plenty of disposable income. We encourage him to save another 30% which would give 40% to spend on whatever. His disposable income is much higher than mine!

Edwina_May · 13 July 2017 at 8:35AM

Wait till they are older and actually at work, and if you have boys, quite possibly eating you out of house and home:rotfl:

silvercar · 13 July 2017 at 8:42AM

gloriouslyhappy wrote: »

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children,

That is the first difference in view points. I don't think it a luxury to be able to provide a home for my children.

and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves.

but you haven't done that, if you need to rely on your children to supplement your living costs!

It's not about making money off them,

sounds to me like it is, or why would you be charging them?

but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?

They will cope well, mine certainly do. They can see the values that we have, in providing a home that is always welcoming to our children. Making sure we can cover our own costs without relying on others. We made the choices on where we live and I wouldn't consider passing on any of the costs of that to my children.

Aced2016 · 13 July 2017 at 9:10AM

Edwina_May wrote: »

Wait till they are older and actually at work, and if you have boys, quite possibly eating you out of house and home:rotfl:

We have 4 kids Edwina two boys and two girls. They already eat a huge amount, which isn't an issue as they're children. When adults they'll be at work all day and eating dinner, fruit etc. I do t buy rubbish as we eat really healthy, so junk etc they'd buy themselves if they wanted it. So again i don't see the cost !

My council tax is the same wether there is two or twenty people here ! My phone and broadband is the same as well, my gas and electricity will be the same also them having a shower and using a few plug points is not a huge cost !

Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

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