Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

Jackmydad

Never had any offspring myself, but I know how it was when I was at home. Once I was out of education, and no longer an apprentice I was expected to pay for my food, and my share of the bills.
I thought that was fair enough because I knew how much rent and living cost friends who had flats and bedsits.

Mum and dad certainly weren't rich, and I have two younger brothers who were still at school then, but neither were they hard up.
As an adult living at home why wouldn't I actually want to pay my own way?
I appreciated living there, and I had all the comforts of home like mum doing cooking and washing.

Forevergrateful

I don't think there's anything wrong with charging your independent adult child rent or asking for a financial contribution towards the household. My 18 year old son recently started an apprenticeship. He doesn't get a lot of money but he gets more than the basic amount. We are asking him for £10 a week. He's not asked to do anything around the house and the £10 we're asking doesn't go anywhere towards the actual cost of his keep. However we both feel it's important for him to understand now that he's earning that he should budget part of his weekly wage as a contribution towards his living expenses. At first he couldn't understand why he was being asked to do it, his argument being that £40 a month would be more detrimental to him than beneficial to us because of his low wage. My reply being that was exactly why it was only £10 a week! He also knows this will be reviewed next year when he starts the second year of his apprenticeship and his weekly wage increases. I think it's important for him to understand and appreciate the costs involved in running a household. Incidentally, he doesn't know this but everything he pays us will be put into an account and given back to him when he's ready to get his own place.

Jackmydad

Forevergrateful wrote: »

---Incidentally, he doesn't know this but everything he pays us will be put into an account and given back to him when he's ready to get his own place.

I reckon that's a great idea for anyone who doesn't actually need the extra money.
It still teaches the lesson that living isn't "free", and it's a great way of saving something towards a first home.

LilElvis

Jackmydad wrote: »

I reckon that's a great idea for anyone who doesn't actually need the extra money.
It still teaches the lesson that living isn't "free", and it's a great way of saving something towards a first home.

Alternatively, you could treat them like adults and tell them that they can live rent free as long as they save money into an account themselves. That's a real lesson, rather than treating them as though they're still children who can't be trusted to act responsibly so Mummy and Daddy will lie to them and save the money for them under the pretence that they're paying rent.

Jackmydad

LilElvis wrote: »

Alternatively, you could treat them like adults and tell them that they can live rent free as long as they save money into an account themselves. That's a real lesson, rather than treating them as though they're still children who can't be trusted to act responsibly so Mummy and Daddy will lie to them and save the money for them under the pretence that they're paying rent.

Again, very true. It depends on your POV. (I realise I'm disagreeing with myself, but I felt that at least that way they're not getting the impression that living is "free".)
Personally, I dislike the thing of still treating offspring as children once they reach adulthood. Obviously some parents feel that way, but should they treat them that way?
My own parents were great, but once I was an adult, I was treated as that and paid my way as I said earlier. I will say that I had a great time there. I certainly didn't feel "hard done to"

silvercar

Jackmydad wrote: »

Again, very true. It depends on your POV. (I realise I'm disagreeing with myself, but I felt that at least that way they're not getting the impression that living is "free".)
Personally, I dislike the thing of still treating offspring as children once they reach adulthood. Obviously some parents feel that way, but should they treat them that way?

As someone who is happy to have my adult children living at home without charge, you are not portraying my attitude accurately.

My view is that this is the home that we chose to buy to bring up our family. You (the offspring) are a part of that family and therefore you are welcome to live in this home, this does not stop just because you have finished your education.

pollypenny

Aced2016 wrote: »

I do I have two boys and two girls ! Oldest is just turning 13, he plays football as does my other son. They also do swimming and the girls as well as gymnastics. So with 4 of them I am fully aware of food and washings.

13? Just you wait............?

Jackmydad

silvercar wrote: »

As someone who is happy to have my adult children living at home without charge, you are not portraying my attitude accurately.

My view is that this is the home that we chose to buy to bring up our family. You (the offspring) are a part of that family and therefore you are welcome to live in this home, this does not stop just because you have finished your education.

I'm not trying to portray your POV. I'm giving mine.

What you and your family do is of course entirely up to you.

Starlin35

I am a single parent and have been for 15 years, eldest is 19 in uni living at home, youngest is16 just starting college. I do not charge my children to live here, i do not get benifits except reduced council tax. I work full time.My children help around the house and we take it in turns to cook. When they finish education and get a job i would only charge for things like the loss of single discount on council tax. The electric should go down when they work as at the moment their courses are computer based and they go through electric. They are welcome to stay as long as they need to however they are aware that any additional costs for bills they may need to chip in for and pay for their own mobiles, clothes, takeaways etc. They are happy with this and my eldest now does pay for their own material goods shall we say and offers to pay for things around the house like food if i am close to pay day and they want something that we do not have in the kitchen already. I also do not see what relivance how much they earn should have on what you set as a amount if you do charge, it should be based on your extra costs for them being there, a landlord would not base his rent on how much you earn however what he wanted for the place so i have never understood why you would charge someone based on what they earn. However each to there own no right or wrong way i guess just we are all different in our views.

Jules121121

silvercar wrote: »

Totally agree with you. If you need to take a contribution from your children then there is nothing wrong with doing so. But then it would be an open discussion with your child, explaining that you are not self reliant and need their contribution in order to avoid moving. This does beg the question as to what you would do when your offspring want to move out, if you are totally reliant on their contribution to balance the books. It also squashes the argument that some are making about teaching your offspring to budget carefully if you yourself need their contribution to balance your own books.

The answer to your question is if I were in that situation and using their contribution to balance the books for the family home I would find a home priced within my means. I would only need a home big enough for me once my adult offspring have left home and it would be cheaper to run in many ways so I could be self reliant This would reinforce teaching them to budget carefully by example







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