Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

badmemory

My son is mid 30s & still living at home. Over the years what he pays has changed a lot. The first year he worked he agreed to save, I agreed for the first year as long as he did save then keep would be free. All I lost was child benefit so not a major issue. Then he started for the next couple of years to pay for food, then the extra council tax. This includes a couple of periods of redundancy where we reduced his payments to just about paying for food.

He now looks like he is never leaving home (& our electric bill is higher than the power cos consider high). He now pays half of everything except repairs & renewals. We have a spreadsheet so he can see exactly where every penny goes. He has never quibbled about his keep as he can see exactly where it is going. I think this is the key. He can see at any time where the money goes & can do/say something to change that. At the end of the year if there is any money left in the budget then we split it 50/50.

To put it another way, when they are a child then you treat them as a child, but when they are an adult they should be treated and expected to behave as an adult.

kazt2006

Another way to look at it is as a % of what you earn.

15 years ago on graduation I was earning £11k and my board was £140 a month. By the time I moved out 6 years later on double the salary, my board was £250 a month plus most of my own food. My mum's attitude was pay up or find somewhere else to live!

My 1st mortgage (95% LTV) and bills were 3 times the board I had been paying!

£200 seems like a bargain to be honest!

gettingtheresometime

svain wrote: »

The motive to charge to encourage the children to move out and become independent, or get a job etc is a fair motive imo .... especially if they are sitting around on their !!!!!! all day.

I think charging someone who has returned home after living away or break down in relationship is also fair.

Its the parents with pound signs in their eyes the minute their children get an income and justify it somehow differently is the ones my comment was aimed at.

I haven't got ££s in my eyes - though I suspect there will be a lot more ££s in my bank account ironically when son has left home

borkid

There is always the other side which is the self respect the young adult will feel at being able to pay their way and support themselves. I remember when I left uni walking down the road thinking 'wow I'm one my own and I can support myself'. It was great.

Haggishunter66

When our kids started earning we worked out the monthly outgoings and split that between all earners. Everyone in house uses electric,gas,- eats food- watches tv, uses broadband,living in home - responsible for council tax and any other bill your home receives. We did this to make our kids appreciate what moving out of the family home would mean. But we didn't want our kids living with us forever - so had no intention on making life easy by subbing their life... no-one did it for us!! ... Ask how your mum gets to that amount - you may be surprised - you might WANT to pay more!!

lesbro

When my son started work I asked, and got, half his wages and he only worked part time. I used half of that towards an endowment policy that paid out when he was 21. If you don't teach the value of money to your children, how can you expect them to be able to support themselves in the big world.

teadeejay

Back in the eighties I paid my mum £60 a month. My son pays £80 basic and half of the gas electric a nd water bills. He often buys food as well. He is twenty and an apprentice.

El_butler

I'm finding it offensive that people think it's selfish for a parent to ask an adult living in their home to contribute fairly, let alone this pitiful amount. Imagine the struggles a single parent had suffered to raise her child? My mother didn't have £££'s in her eyes, she was trying to run a house that was in major disrepair, a 28 year old car that barely worked and feed us whilst working full time. She deserved support from the second we could get out to give it.

Aced2016

This is a hard one ! I think far too many people are having children and living off child benefit and tax credits. When that finishes the parent then needs that income to continue so then charge their child rent !

Now myself and husband will not be charging any of our four children rent ! As they're not renting from us. It's their family home and that will never change. However if they're working full time, they will be responsible for their toiletries, clothes and material things they want and if course specific food. They can stay in their room and use the electricity, hot water etc and i certainly will not be looking for a penny.

It's a topic you won't ever get agreement on. But that's my opinion and stance on it. I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.

svain

Aced2016 wrote: »

This is a hard one ! I think far too many people are having children and living off child benefit and tax credits. When that finishes the parent then needs that income to continue so then charge their child rent !

Now myself and husband will not be charging any of our four children rent ! As they're not renting from us. It's their family home and that will never change. However if they're working full time, they will be responsible for their toiletries, clothes and material things they want and if course specific food. They can stay in their room and use the electricity, hot water etc and i certainly will not be looking for a penny.

It's a topic you won't ever get agreement on. But that's my opinion and stance on it. I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.

Absolutely spot on. :money: