Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

Pollycat

alggomas wrote: »

I would think the mother would give a months notice before payment. As stated before we do not know the financial status of both. Frankly £25 a week is a pittance! Also mother's would not charge more than the young adult could afford. Remember the person was contributing only £25 a week for a year. Common sense would dictate it may be going up. Also it was a request for £50 a week. I am sure they would discuss it.What young adult would question what the parents spend the money on?

I agree that we don't know the financial status of both (odd how these 'money moral dilemmas' always lack important details) but we do know that the OP is earning the same salary as she was when she first started paying board and we do know that the OP's mother intends doubling the amount she wants.

'common sense' may dictate the expectation of an increase - but a 100% increase?

chelseablue

I used to give my Mum & Dad £150 a month while living at home, it started off at £100.

It was £150 a month until I moved out when I was 27, but I used to save a lot for a deposit.

Wish I could live for 150 quid a month now!

mouse118

Of course you should pay. Have you worked out how much it would cost you to keep yourself?
Rent, Council tax, Gas, Electric, Water, Insurance, Broadband - and we haven't even thought about clothes, food, laundry, fares etc. etc!
I don't know how much you 'take home', but you have to learn to pay your way. Your mum has kept you for a long time and £100 will go nowhere near what she is paying out for you.

silvercar

sherri01 wrote: »

Since all 3 of my children left home 2 of them have returned at different times (1 with her 2 children). I have always applied the same formula for calculating board. Basically regardless of earnings I total all of the expenses for the year, divide it by the number of adults and then calculate the monthly cost. I have never included my mortgage payments because if I decide to sell it is up to me how I will spend any profit. This encouraged my youngest to return to college and he is now at university. All of my children think its fair and it has taught them how to manage money

The unfairness of your method is that you chose to live in your home. For example, the heating costs of my home are high because it is an older house and less well insulated. If I lived in a modern purpose built flat the heating costs would be lower. So saying you split the costs equally dumps your choice of home onto your offspring's costs.

takman

TBagpuss wrote: »

Actually, I think comparing it to what renting a room would cost is an extremely valid point, particularly where the question is from the adult child. Regardless of whether the parent is making a profit or not, if the 'child' is paying less than they would to rent elsewhere then they are getting a good deal.

The issue of whether a parent should make any profit from having an adult child living in their home is I think a different one. I don't think that there is necessarily anything morally wrong with them doing so, once the child has reached the point of being an independent adult, I think it is a personal choice for the parents.

If there are questions about the amount of rent being paid then a response of "If you had your own house it would cost X amount more, so your getting a good deal" isn't very useful at all!.

A detailed calculation showing how they arrive and logical response to any questions or arguments.

TBagpuss wrote: »

Most parents want what is best for their children. Whether they decide that what is best is to subsidise their child financially well into adulthood, or to expect them to be wholly financially independent, or something in between, is a matter of personal choice and will also vary a huge amount depending on the parents own experiences, their financial position (actual and perceived) and their needs and plans, as well as the child's circumstances and attitudes.

If the child is only charges the extra on the bills, as you seem to suggest, they aren't really getting a real feel for costs of living as they are not paying any rent.

This concept makes no sense to me at all. How does charging them more money to pay a proportion of all expenses help them in any way in the future?.

If a parent has done their job well their child should understand household budgeting and the importance of saving money (especially while living at home to be able to fund a house).

So by charging them more money to live at home so they get "a real feel for costs of living" the parent is actually depriving them of money that could be used to help them get an even bigger deposit.

TBagpuss wrote: »

I do think that it is a good idea for parents to talk to children about finances and budgeting from an early age,at a level they can understand,so that by the time a child leaves school they already understand abut costs of living, budgeting, saving etc, and I also think it is reasonable to discuss with the adult child why you have come to the figure you have.

pugsydog

If you can find somewhere to live, with heating, lighting, council tax and probably food, cleaning etc, etc for around £20 per week, good luck. Even 200 is cheap!

Mojisola

silvercar wrote: »

The unfairness of your method is that you chose to live in your home. For example, the heating costs of my home are high because it is an older house and less well insulated. If I lived in a modern purpose built flat the heating costs would be lower. So saying you split the costs equally dumps your choice of home onto your offspring's costs.

A working adult offspring is also choosing to live in the house.

silvercar

Mojisola wrote: »

A working adult offspring is also choosing to live in the house.

Not much of a choice if they are on a low income and have no other option.

Mojisola

silvercar wrote: »

The unfairness of your method is that you chose to live in your home.

For example, the heating costs of my home are high because it is an older house and less well insulated.

So saying you split the costs equally dumps your choice of home onto your offspring's costs.

silvercar wrote: »

Not much of a choice if they are on a low income and have no other option.

If the offspring is paying over the odds at home, they will have the option to be a lodger in a cheaper house.

borkid

svain wrote: »

Always a good one this ....

The people that justify charging board as some kind of life lesson always makes me smile. Charge board by all means, whatever you feel suitable but please dont disguise as a "life lesson" ... its not, its about money.

Then there are the ones that hike prices and justify it to comparing with renting .... give me a break, living at home is nothing like living (or even sharing) away from the family home .... The independence of living away trumps it all, because you can do what you like when you like and with whom you like.

Then there are the ones that like to justify it by charging a share of home running costs .... when in reality a lot of bills would be no different whether they had children still at home or not.

Moral of this story is the ones that cry the most about justifying the higher board costs are normally the ones that are the money grabbers.
The ones that go about it quietly, requesting a nominal amount as a sign of respect have got it right imo

Really so you know everyone true motives. When my son graduated over 15 years ago he didn't appear to be making an effort to move out. His last year he was living at home and commuting. Until then we had paid for everything I think something like £600 to £700 a month when he was renting. We didn't begrudge him a penny. As with his sister we said you have 2 months grace to get a job and sort yourself out then we will start charging the going rate for your suite of rooms, 2 rooms + own bathroom + separate phone and internet line + also included all food and bills car share etc. It focused his mind went out that weekend and got a job and a house share in London. If he had been trying to get work and couldn't then we wouldn't have asked for money but just clean etc whilst we were both working. If 'children' want to be treated like adults then they need to act like adults and take some responsibilty. We had planned to save the money for when he needed it later on.

We still lend him money although he rarely asks, job relocation/ late expenses being credited type thing. Our decision to charge rent was definitely not because we wanted the money.