VelvetFreak is saving up to buy a house!

VelvetFreak · 27 August 2019 at 11:23AM

Finally getting a chance to update my diary. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. Warning: longest post ever. I don’t even know where to start, so here goes:

About two weeks ago, I told MrVF that I don’t want to be with him anymore and that he needs to move out. I don’t want to give too many details, but at the same time, this is my life and I want it to be an accurate representation of how things are. I’ve known for a while now that the relationship wasn’t right. The reasons are endless.

The week between me telling him and him actually moving out was really awful

I knew that he wouldn’t react well and it went exactly as I predicted. I was extremely upset, a combination of grieving the loss of the relationship as well as really just wishing that he would hurry up and leave. (Just in case you think I’m nasty for kicking him out, he could easily move back to his old house, he was just dragging his feet).

He has been gone for a little over a week and I’ve never felt better. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know now that this is what was making me feel so down. The first night that he was gone was very weird, but now that the shock has worn off, I feel so much better.

I feel so much more positive about myself and my future now. Being single isn’t ideal, but I’d rather be single than put up with that rubbish.

——————

Now to talk about money.

Two paydays have happened since I last posted, so that’s $800 into the House Savings. Plus $50 of petrol money that I didn’t need = new total of $4,930.

Now to scrounge up $70 so that I can make it to $5,000 :think:

Once I get to $5,000, I will slow down a bit and try and just try to live my life and not be so focused on money. There are some things that I really want that I have put off buying for a long time, and I think it’s time that I allowed myself to get those things.

I need to re-evaluate my savings goal, but at this stage I have no idea what I should be aiming for :undecided. Now that I’m single, I feel much less urgency to buy a house.

In other news, work is stupidly busy at the moment and is only going to get worse over the next few months. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it. On the bright side, I am so thankful for this job. It’s seriously the best I’ve ever had.

Off to update my signature.

Cherryfudge · 27 August 2019 at 12:56PM

I'm sorry to hear you had all that stress over MrVF, but it sounds from your reaction as though you made the right decision.

May I encourage you to book a few days just for you? No work, no excuses.

Just to break up the load at work. Even if it's just adding a Friday to a weekend. I've found a course on Futurelearn on resilience at work, which I'm finding very useful. I'm going to struggle to get it all done in the time as I go down rabbit holes learning about new ideas or reading other people's contributions, but it's still useful.

It's helping me step back and see my relationship with work in new ways, and hopefully be better at creatively dealing with the pressure points. I don't know if it's your thing (or you might already have done it) but I thought I'd mention it in case it helps.

Looking forward to seeing how you make the house savings up to $5,000! I think you might find it hard to let go of the saving mentality, though.

FloraandFauna · 29 August 2019 at 7:11PM

Big hug, Velvet. It's hard to let go of having 'responsibility' for a relationship, whether it's still worth it or not, so well done for having the strength of mind to make that decision. You say it's not 'ideal' being single, but as you've found this week, it's a bajillion miles better, more cheerful, easier, freeing, and contains more potential, than holding onto something that doesn't work. Enjoy it!

VelvetFreak · 4 September 2019 at 1:34AM

Thank you Cherry and Flora for your kind words.

I’ve been going really well since I last updated. A few tiny moments of feeling a bit lonely but have otherwise felt great. I have been keeping busy which is good, but I think I need to slow down a bit.

Will have to be very careful with money until payday (6 days away) as I went to an antiques fair with my friend on the weekend and spent all my spending money. Oops

I’ve booked a week of annual leave starting the 23rd, so I’m excited about that. I’m going to stay home for the most part and get some rest and complete a few little house projects that I’ve been putting off/been too busy to attempt.

Goals for today: (back later to update)
-go grocery shopping after work (done)
-do at least 30 minutes on the treadmill (nope)
-unpack dishwasher and tidy kitchen (done)

savingholmes · 4 September 2019 at 5:33PM

Hope you are enjoying your new found freedom. Planned break from work sounds good too. Dust yourself off from the spends at the weekend and get back on track.

VelvetFreak · 5 September 2019 at 12:07PM

So today has left me feeling quite rubbish.

I had my annual review with my boss, and I got great feedback from him and was given my full yearly bonus and a 5% payrise. So that part went okay. But then I tried to talk to him about Painful Coworker and her antics, and got absolutely nowhere. I believe that he just doesn’t want to hear it and would rather have me complain occasionally than actually have to talk to her about anything.

I’m getting so fed up. Today the printer completely stopped working because it ran out of ink (I had told her to call and order a new cartidige on Monday when she mentioned it was saying it needed a new one and there were none out the back). Well she didn’t do that and today when it stopped working, she blamed it on me and asked me sarcastically “hasn’t it ever done that before?” and “did the printer used to be someone else’s job?”

Stuff like this is literally her job! She is the junior most person in our team, her job is to do basic admin, order the stationery, etc. She is already getting away with never answering the phone, among other things.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, it’s becoming a battle of wills between us because my boss refuses to intervene. I’m not witty or quick enough when she says these stupid things to me. My patience is wearing really thin and I’m getting very close to snapping at her.

She is getting away with doing the bare minimum I am stuck with everything else. There are big changes happening with the business at the moment and these are all my responsibility to figure out and implement. It’s quite stressful as I am going in blind, my boss isn’t interested in these things so it all falls on me. Yet she refuses to order a bloody printer cartridge :mad:

Everyone I’ve talked to says I should pull her aside and say something to her, but she does not take me seriously at all and I think she’ll just laugh in my face (which she already does, all the time).

Does anyone have any ideas? We are a small business of only four people, there is no HR department etc.

Tropically · 5 September 2019 at 2:19PM

Why is it your responsibility to pick up the tasks she is dropping? What would happen if you simply didn't order the printer cartridge, and if another colleague asked, if you said that it's her job?

VelvetFreak · 5 September 2019 at 2:51PM

Tropically, that’s exactly what happened. And we ran out of ink, and she had a go at me

sashybo · 5 September 2019 at 9:48PM

Hi Velvet, re your annoying colleague, can you email her every time you ask her to do something that she ignores, copying in your boss? That way there's a record that she's been asked to do her actual job and is just refusing to do it? The boss will have to get involved eventually if you refuse to carry her by only doing your own job.

I would also acquire some headphones so you "can't hear the phone" (even if you're not actually listening to music) as it's also her job to answer it and not yours.

That said I understand how difficult the above would be in a small office as if you refuse to do it and she refuses to do her actual job then it won't get done. However the consequences of that are actually on your boss for refusing to grow a pair and tell her to do her job or get out. :mad:

Maybe you need to complain to your boss every time she doesn't do something so that he gets sick of it and deals with her? I understand that might feel a bit childish but your boss is hardly acting like a grown up about it.

As long as you continue to pick up the slack then no one else has any incentive to change the situation i.e. your boss or the lazy colleague.

Cherryfudge · 5 September 2019 at 11:20PM

I like Sashybo's idea of emailing her and copying your boss in... Maybe also start looking around for another job? Though that would be a shame when you've done so well on your review. Great to have it recognised in a bonus and a pay rise!

Where does the fourth member of the business come in? Do they have much to do with PC-W?

Anyway... jolly well done for the results of your review! x

VelvetFreak is saving up to buy a house!

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