Am i being unreasonable?

Candyapple · 13 June 2019 at 3:23PM

Are you married?

steveouk wrote: »

Now we have always had separate accounts then paid a set amount into a joint account for house bills but i suppose what i am saying is i want to reverse this.

I want our money to go into one account and we both then take form there.

Why? I can see why your wife/partner doesn't want to do this.

Has there been a problem with you each having separate accounts and 1 joint account for bills?

Are you both agreed on needing to save? Or is your wife content spending her salary how she sees fit after she has paid into the joint account?

If you are both agreed on needing to save, then why not just open a joint savings account and put a set amount each into it each month? Problem solved.

ska_lover · 13 June 2019 at 3:24PM

PS sounds like she is being pretty fair if she is paying holidays and house projects out of her own cash

Sea_Shell · 13 June 2019 at 3:26PM

In that case, I'm with you. Joint account for ALL income/expenses. Agreed amount of savings/personal spends moved to best account for its purpose.

During our 25 year marriage (no kids), we've both had periods of not working at all, so separate finances would never work for us, as what would the non earner do!!! Jokingly DH is currently the "sponger"!!!

Soworried · 13 June 2019 at 3:39PM

steveouk wrote: »

how do you mean split the bills - we pay all the household bills half and half. and everything else is half and half. She pays for a holiday which is a big expense and paid for house projects last year which were a big expense.

You said you were finding it hard to pay half now you're saying it's to save, which is it?

steveouk · 13 June 2019 at 4:26PM

what i am saying is i cant do both. i cant save and pay half.

So i can cut back on what i spend on but there are things i cant control - for example eating out. i am happy with a special offer set menu etc and she will always want from the a la carte.

I mean looking at it earlier i played with the figures a bit and ended u with 16% of each of our salaries for personal spending then the rest goes into one pot/account as such.This would mean approx £250 a month for me and £350 for her to spend

Alan2020 · 13 June 2019 at 4:40PM

Just divorce her, no point being married if you cannot share your income. It’s a win win situation, she can keep all the money to herself and you can share yours with someone similar.

maman · 13 June 2019 at 5:36PM

I'm not 100% sure that this is a genuine situation or you're posting a hypothetical case of turning the tables on the frequent threads where it's the woman who earns less.

I'd say it depends on why you've decided to take a step down in salary. If, for example, you're training for a new career with better prospects or have had ill health or faced redundancy then I'd view it differently. It's a bit like a woman taking time out for maternity. In both cases the couple should have decided jointly on a change in circumstances and then have to accept that for a while they have to change from the previous 50:50 arrangements.

If none of these things apply then I agree with some previous posters. Why do you think it's OK to expect your wife to subsidise you when you've chosen to take a drop in salary?

On a practical level DH and I prefer to have separate bank accounts. I don't think either of us would want to give up the independence that we had before we got together. We share the utilities between accounts and make transfers when one of us pays a joint bill like a holiday. It works for us.

Dominoes12 · 13 June 2019 at 5:45PM

I am a debt collector and unfortunately I see debts occur too much due to couples having joint accounts and splitting. I would never have one myself as I previously considered it

Gavin83 · 13 June 2019 at 6:18PM

Gavin83 wrote: »

Why did you change careers to a lower paid position?

Well?

If you're going out and spending money you can't afford why can't you just tell her this? If you can't afford it you'll have to have a night in.

Kynthia · 13 June 2019 at 6:49PM

There is no one right way. What matters is finding a way of managing your money you both agree on.

At the moment you no longer agree with the current arrangement. However you are proposing a method you wife doesn't agree with. I can't blame her as it seems like you've decided on your own and want to impose it on her instead of sitting down together to come up with a solution.

Arrange an afternoon to talk about your finances. Explain the issues and how you'd like to both save more as a couple. Explain how you feel 50:50 doesn't work when you earn different amounts and how it won't work once you have children and her income will drop during maternity leave and then one of you or both of you may go part time/give up work. Listen to her issues, concerns, proposals, as it's her money too and she gets to decide how she spends so e of it, even if you disapprove (it might be different if money was tight and her spending meant bills weren't bring paid). Then work together to come up with a solution you both agree with even if it's not saving as much as you want and ordering whatever meals she'd like in a restaurant.

Am i being unreasonable?

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