Am i being unreasonable?

Doodles

I think its fine to have a joint account, as well as your individual accounts, and pay in a percentage of your earnings dependent on your salaries. Paying 50/50 doesn't really work when one person earns much less.

But then that percentage split is also applied to holidays, house stuff etc. You say you don't find it fair but yet you let her pay for your holiday and for all the house projects?

I suspect the wife may be cheesed off that you took an 8K pay cut. You say she earns nearly 40K but in reality, if you were to split stuff percentage wise then she won't be seeing the benefit of that extra money for herself as it will just go towards joint bills.


Others will argue that all money should go in one pot as you are married.

Is there any possibility of earning more over the coming few years to bring your salary up?

sheramber

Did you discuss the potential drop in your income and how it would affect your finances?

onwards&upwards

Its not fair as it is, she can afford a lifestyle you can’t, but you’re expected to keep it up.

She’ll end up with savings and you’ll have debt.

After 5 years of marriage, it’s all joint anyway if you were to divorce.

You need to work out how to handle the admin so you have a similar lifestyle but neither feel hard done by and neither stressed out or struggling.

Don’t even think about IVF till this is resolved, kids will not make it easier!!

rach_k

Just tell her you can't afford things that you can't afford and say so when you don't want to spend that much on things. Much simpler and less likely to cause arguments than combining all income and trying to decide who 'deserves' what share.

If you make yourself a budget based on your own income and paying your half of the bills, show it to her. If that includes spending £30 on eating out once a month, she can either go with that or pay for anything extra herself.

You could see if she'd be open to paying the bills in proportion to your earnings, but it sounds like you could probably manage fine on a 50/50 split if you cut down on luxuries that she wants but you don't.

Happier_Me

I agree with Kynthia. You probably need to meet in the middle somewhere.

Maybe look at this from the perspective of what you want to achieve, not who funds it initially...

Can you agree as a couple how much you would like to save each month and what the savings will be for? House renovations, emergency fund, mortgage overpayments, etc.

Can you work out your household monthly bills including food and an amount to cover annual costs such as insurances (but no entertainment/clothes/holidays/personal costs, ie a gym membership etc)

Can you agree how much you want to spend on non essentials? (holidays, entertainment, takeaways, etc)

Can you work out what spends are personal? ie gym memberships, phones, clothes, sky sports...the things that only benefit one person.

Now, work on expanding your options and the impact of funding the above on your lifestyle, using each option.

This is ultimately about agreeing you joint priorities. It's absolutely essential you work out how you handle the disparity in your earnings because this could cause resentment if not dealt with. From my personal experience, we've always had a joint account, everything goes into the same pot. I have earned more than my husband for much of our marriage, whilst also managing the majority of the childcare, home and finances. I have felt significant resentment at times (fortunately he has other redeeming qualities:D).

I probably take home around £250 a month more than my husband now, working a 32 hour week. He works 47 hours a week (hence the no help with kids and home) but my job is significantly more stressful and a lot less enjoyable). I've recently increased my hours hence the extra earnings but he won't have a say in what this is spent on...it will be redirected into my pension which will benefit us both in the future. Otherwise it will get wasted and I will feel trapped into maintaining my earnings at this new level to fund lifestyle inflation.

steveouk

In terms of the change of job my other career has me away at sea for 4 months at a time and we wanted to settle down together.

I am in customer services now and while i started on 18k in May 2016 I am now on 22k.

Busy applying for a job at the moment and have been applying for various ones since the start of the year.
Should i get a new role then am hopeful to move up towards 23-25k
little by little i will get back towards a more comfortable wage - where i feel my contribution is better

In terms of where we are up to i will ask my wife her reservations and look at various options. Looking to be careful until the end of the year then make changes come the new year.

theoretica

steveouk wrote: »

i have no problem with separate accounts for personal spending money but we both need to save the rest.

Why do you get to decide that she should be saving? If, following discussion as a couple, she agrees she wants to spend less on current living and save there are many ways to achieve this other than putting most of her money into a joint account. Work out your financial aims as a couple, then find a way to achieve them, don't start from the method.

Sea_Shell

On reflection, which account holds what money is irrelevant to a degree, you just need to be in the same page financially.

If it turns out you can't agree a way forwards, without either of you feeling hard done by in some way, then you've got a bigger problem than whose account your joint marital assets are held in.

System

Rather than keep 10% of your earnings, put say 40% of the your earnings each in a pot for bills. That way it's fairer.

NaughtiusMaximus

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Its not fair as it is, she can afford a lifestyle you can’t, but you’re expected to keep it up.

She’ll end up with savings and you’ll have debt.

In an earlier post the OP stated they split the usual monthly expenditure 50/50 but his wife paid for all the costs of a recent holiday and home improvements. That sounds like a fair and reasonable arrangement to me for a couple with significantly different incomes.

Whether or not to have a joint account (which seems to be the OPs main concern) and how they split their expenditure are two separate and largely unrelated discussions.