Am i being unreasonable?

Georgiepie

Me and DH opened a joint account when we got married nearly 40 years ago and believe that any money that comes into the house is our money.

We only have the joint account and it has worked for us. At various times one has been the higher earner and now I don't work at all due to health problems but am entitled to no benefits so bring no money in at all. If we didn't share everything I wouldn't even be able to afford to eat!

ska_lover

I think in those cases, of ill health GeorgiePie, everyone would share

Me and OH do not have joint accounts, but if either of us was unable to work, the other would pick up the slack. It has happened before, when one of us was having major surgery and only getting a few quid ssp a week. The other is there to pay for all

These things happen, and it is right and fair that partners should look out for each other in sickness

But in health....each pull their own weight (IMO) but I respect your views Georgiepie.

When I got married my Mother told me I was getting ripped off, by not insisting on a joint account.But then she did say some other strange things such as we weren't properly married as we didn't have a honeymoon (saving for a home)

Fizzy11

Steve I agree with you about you not being able to pay 50% & save as well. I’m of the older generation where we’ve always had a joint account & for a long time I was a full time mum. Even when I went back to work the joint account continued. A joint account depends on two things in my opinion trust & respect. I think you’ll have to have a hard conversation especially if funds are going to be needed for IVF.

maman

steveouk wrote: »

In terms of the change of job my other career has me away at sea for 4 months at a time and we wanted to settle down together.

To me that makes a difference to how I'd view the situation. If you and your wife decided that you'd give up your higher paid job to be together then she should have realised that would have the downside of you having less to contribute to the joint finances.

It's a shame you didn't make the decision at the time to alter your financial arrangements. Maybe if IVF expenditure is on the horizon you both need to be saving as much as possible even if you need to go back to sea for a while.

Georgiepie

I agree that because I can't work the obvious thing is to share the money DH earns. As I said though, we have always only had a joint account. All our wages and any other money (except say birthday gifts) have always gone into it.

When we first married I earned quite a lot more than DH but everything was split equally with us both having the same amount of spending money. Then he became the higher earner and everything carried on the same. Then it was reversed again and now I can't work.

I can never understand couples where just because one earns more they can, if they want, have a better life. I know a couple where one earns around £20,000 and the other earns around £90,000. When they go on holiday the higher earner flies first class but the lower can't afford to and his partner won't pay for him. The higher earner buys himself designer suits whilst the lower earner has to be content with clothes from markets or fairly cheap shops.

They have been together for over 15 years and it shocks me that their lives are so unequal.

charlie792

We each have our own personal accounts, then a joint account for bills.
We've always tended to split everything 50/50 but as others have said in times of need that's gone out the window.
We went through a period years ago that as a student I simply couldn't afford 50/50 I think it ended up him paying 3/4 and me 1/4. Later, he was made redundant for a while so naturally I paid all the bills during that period. As a joint household absolutely no resentment as to that.

These days it's a set amount each month into bills account and a set amount into joint savings (50/50) then whatever we personally have left is our choice to do as we please.