New diary

Thanks for checking in JoJoc-much appreciated.
Yes, I agree, trying to focus on an emergency saving account as if something did happen I'll be screwed!

Spent the morning (with a coffee-£1 a jar from the poundshop) how my £4+ coffees a day have well and truly gone, but in all honesty I don't miss them. Now the thought of spending so much on a coffee actually makes my stomach X turn! I question everything I buy (something I clearly never did!) I've really cut back on food spends, gifts.
This morning I've looked back through statements (again) and I'm mortified at how many payday loans I had at once-how ridiculous!!! I was being paid to pay the loans off to 5mins later take another loan out! No wonder I could never sleep, well it's done and I'm far from proud of myself past self and the ridiculous choices to take money out and could barely afford to pay back. However, I'm proud I no longer have these payday loan companies on my back and NEVER EVER again will I have them on my back. I never got to the missing a payment point, but was VERY close!! My motto now is, if the money isn't in the bank then you can't afford it, therefore you can't have it and I'm 100% ok with that now.
I've learnt the hard way, but what I have learnt from being in debt is invaluable.
1) If friends can be there for you at you weakest/worst financial times, then they are infact true friends. Sadly, I lost a few friends along the way as they were fed up of me not being able to afford to go out-had the silly payday loans to pay off! But when I looked back, I always said I couldn't afford, but you're welcome to come round for drinks-it was never taken up, they prefered to go out. But they weren't true friends, just social friends so I'm not too sad about that now.
2) The amount of crap I've bought over the years was never going to make me happy, but seriously unhappy as I couldn't afford it-simple. Material things don't and won't ever make me happy-lets face it I can't take it with me when I'm gone!
3) Time is by far the most expensive gift you can truly ever give anyone-something you can not ever get back. I spent the other weekend with my mother, I pampered her (sadly, by at a Spa) but made my own version: wine, foot massage, neck massage, painted nails and toe nails, chick flick and most importantly conversations about life- just talked and talked and she told me it was the best weekend she'd had for a very long time. Because I was there, not just in body, but in mind-something most people will probably understand who are/have been in debt, you can't 100% focus when in debt-it's always there in the back of your head. It was for me the best weekend in a very long time too. That weekend cost £4.99-for the wine. Everything else we already had. It reminded me how lucky I am, to have parents and I should appreciated them more and I will appreciate them more, but it doesn't have to cost a lot to do so.
4) I was never happy before, I thought is was because I was out with 'friends' all the time 'living the life' but that wasn't happiness. Happiness to me now is: HEALTH (something I have and always will struggle with)
FAMILY:/FRIENDS-what would life be without them?!
SLEEP( I always appreciate a good sleep now!)
FINICIAL SECRUITY (I will get there-eventually!) all these things are my happiness.

Don't know where all this has come from this Saturday morning, but feels good to get it down and good to have somewhere to come back to and reflect.

Happy Saturday folks