How often do you chat to your grown up children?

SingleSue · 10 August 2019 at 6:14PM

Eldest 3 or 4 times a week on his way home from work, youngest whilst at uni is every time he leaves halls or lectures (ASD and having me on the other end of the phone helps with his sensory overload and anxiety), middle son (Aspergers) whilst at uni was once in a blue moon.

I visit my parents pretty much every day but then they are needing more support as they get older.

HampshireH · 10 August 2019 at 7:48PM

I'm the "child". I see my mum usually once a week as we both do the same sport on a Saturday & have a coffee. However if weather is bad we won't.

WhatsApp as and when something comes up. With my dad I see him if he is home when i go round due to his shift work. Again whatsapp when something comes up.

Il call maybe once a fortnight to confirm plans and if I'm lucky my dad will answer and we get to chat for a bit too before i speak to my mum.

Sibling sees far more of them and probably makes contact daily. Always has.

jk0 · 10 August 2019 at 7:57PM

I used to ring my mother occasionally in the evening after work. She'd always tell me she was watching something. ('Tell me on Sunday, when you come for lunch', basically.)

ceewash · 10 August 2019 at 10:43PM

ibizafan wrote: »

I have two sons (37,33) The youngest lives in Australia with his partner and two young children. The oldest lives in London and is single. Sometimes a couple of weeks go by without communicating with them, and I wondered what other people’s experience is, or are daughters different? I talk to my own mum most days on the phone, although she doesn’t live near me, but she is 88. I don’t personally feel the need to talk to my sons frequently, as we all have busy lives, so am I normal or not? I go to Australia every year for a visit, and Skype, but my sons haven’t lived at home since they went to university, and they obviously both moved away. Opinions would be interesting, and am I a terrible mum?

No you're not. I think that what this shows is that we all have different relationships with our offsprings. I was feeling bad because I whatsapp too much and worry that I am pestering them. But I'm sure they would tell me. I do think it is different if they are married/settled with families of their own. If they are on their own I think it is good for them to receive quick message that someone is thinking of them, especially boys/men.

74jax · 11 August 2019 at 8:54AM

I hate calling my mother, when I do its over in a couple of minutes. Sometimes she goes through phases of calling 2 times a day for a week, then maybe just once a week. I do sometimes not answer because I can't face her.....

Me and DD will instant message daily. Send ridiculous photos to each other, copy each other stories in the news we might like etc or just text 1 line random things. We might speak every other day or maybe 3 times a week.

motorguy · 11 August 2019 at 10:59AM

My son lives in Sydney. We keep in touch daily by WhatApp messages and maybe physically talk once a month.

gizmo111 · 11 August 2019 at 11:13AM

My daughters 24 and 26. We have what’s app chats most days the three of us together, we have separate chats and we have another group chat that includes the partners.
I see them all together about once a month when we have a family meal, and the youngest at least once a week and eldest about twice a month.
They all have keys but wouldn’t just pop in without checking what I was doing and vice versa.
And then any other family occasion that pops up!
Seems to work well for us and fortunately both the partners get on well and the girls have always been close.

Jaxon2390 · 11 August 2019 at 4:58PM

I’m the son (late 20s) and single. I have a group WhatsApp with my mother/brother/brothers wife. We all message in it usually every day or 2. I also speak to my mum every day or 2 on the phone and see her once a week.

My brothers and I have a separate WhatsApp group with our dad and step mum. We probably post in it once every week or 2, and I call them once every 2 weeks, and see them once every 2 months or so.

maman · 11 August 2019 at 5:28PM

gizmo111 wrote: »

My daughters 24 and 26. We have what’s app chats most days the three of us together, we have separate chats and we have another group chat that includes the partners.
I see them all together about once a month when we have a family meal, and the youngest at least once a week and eldest about twice a month.
They all have keys but wouldn’t just pop in without checking what I was doing and vice versa.
And then any other family occasion that pops up!
Seems to work well for us and fortunately both the partners get on well and the girls have always been close.

That's interesting. We're the same. DD sends me a message (even if I was away for a few days) to ask if it was OK to pop round and borrow something or whatever. When I'm at home she knocks even though she could let herself in.

A bit off topic but DH and I were discussing something similar earlier. He was getting rid of junk mail and asked if it was OK to open mine. He happened to say how pleased he was that we never opened each others mail and that our DDs were the same.

enthusiasticsaver · 11 August 2019 at 11:29PM

I have two daughters, one is 32 and the other 33. Eldest lives about 100 miles away and we whats app in family group chat and probably speak on the phone maybe once a week or every 10 days. Sometimes she phones, sometimes I do. My husband rarely initiates phone calls. Youngest lives locally so we see her several times a week and look after grandchildren one day a week. I phone my mum usually each week or she phones me as she lives about 250 miles away.

I don't think you are a terrible mother for not feeling the need to communicate frequently so long as they are ok with that too. Presumably they would contact you as well though. I think boys are worse than girls for phoning and keeping in touch though. My eldest daughter has a busy career and not a lot of free time so I do not like to ring constantly but the odd whats app comment reassures me she is ok. Can you do a what's app family chat group so you can all keep in touch?

How often do you chat to your grown up children?

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