How often do you chat to your grown up children?

atinybrit

I think it really varies. I'm 23(F) and I text my mum most days and speak to my dad on the phone every night, usually only for a few minutes to check in on each other. I see my dad every other week (he lives 1.5 hours away) and my mum once or twice a week.
My OH has two brothers. We see his parents probably 2-3 times a week but they are 5 mins away and invite us for dinner most weekends. But he maybe speaks to them twice a week as well, they don't just ring for a chat. His brothers will go a week or two without calling and more without visiting as they are further away. They usually only call for advice etc.

Rambosmum

I'm the child. I talk to my parents via phone or text maybe once a month, sometimes less often. I have several siblings, my sister speaks to her weekly, one brother still lives at home so sees her most days, another brother can go weeks or months with no contact and my eldest brother speaks to her at least once a week.

I think it depends on the relationship more than gender. My DH speaks to his parents much more often than I do.

Kia

I am the child, mother and grandmother

My mum is dead and had dementia for 17 years before she died so that was a bit different.

I fell out with my Dad and didn't have any contact for 15 yrs - he then got in touch out of the blue and now I see him about 3 times a week. He is 87 and whilst I am sure that he likes the fact we are reconciled - he has an extra carer now!

I have two sons (34 & 32) both married with 6 children between them - we are close and speak frequently usually at least once a week, not in a pre-arranged way.
Although I work full time I help out with the grandchildren when possible - they come for sleepovers every couple of months.

In reading all the posts it has highlighted to me how lucky I am to have such good relationships with my sons but also my daughters -in-law. I am also close with my younger sister and niece and the extended family that is created between us.

For me I am happy with the amount of contact I have - I would be disappointed if they got in contact if they felt duty bound to do so.

I don't think there is a right or wrong all families are different

POPPYOSCAR

Our daughter contacts us on an almost daily basis.

Sometimes by phone, other times just an email to say 'I love you'

Our son on the other hand usually only contacts us if he wants something or is really bored.

TBagpuss

OP, I don't think you are a bad mother. I think that eveyone is different, and what is normal is a huge range.
Itsounds as though you sucessfully raised your children to be independent adults, which is great!
I think it would only be an issue of either you, or they, were unhappy becuase you wanted much more contact and the other person was unwilling to accommodate that!

I'm an adult child, and I exhcange letters with my parents, but probably only speak to them aboutonce a month, unless there is a specifc reason to contact them or for them to contact me. They are retuired and very busy (and have a tenandncy to only turn their mobiles on whan they want to make a call, so calling them is a biit hit and miss when they aren't at home!)

My mum does use facebook a bit, and they do use WhatsApp, so we can speak to them if we need to.

I live about 2 hours drive from my parents so wedon't pop round to see one another. They have a key to my house, and I have one to theirs, but would always ask before going (I mean, it's more of a tell, as I know they would always be fine with me being there, but I wouldn't just show up without saying somthing first!)

Savvy_Sue

That reminds me. On the last Friday before Christmas one year, one of my colleagues asked when the boys were coming home. I said I had no idea, and that their contact with me was usually on a strictly 'need to know' basis.

After lunch on Sunday, I got a text message. "Have you seen my email?" Err, no, I've been at church and didn't then have a smartphone. Went off to check email on computer: "please could you pick me up at the station at 3 pm on Sunday?"

I went into work on Monday and said "You thought I was joking about the 'need to know' basis?"

Illbedamned

Grown up daughter here

I did at one point speak to mum sproadically, i moved out at 18 and i guess got caught up in uni life, plus she still had 3 kids at home. I think the longest we went without speaking was 4 months :eek:

Ive tried this year to contact her more often so i ring her every 2 weeks, its always me who calls her. She says she doen't know when i'm working but i pretty much do the same shifts every week :rotfl: she doesn't text very often and tbh when she does its that rare its usually bad news (especially when she texts "call me as soon as you get this" :eek: had that 2 times with realatives who passed away this year)

Tbf my sis and brother still live at home so shes not got an empty nest yet, and my other sis i think calls her less than i do.

Its not that i don't want to talk to her, id just rather talk for 1-2 hours every fortnight than less every day or week if that makes sense? We have more to talk about that way.

Voiren

Daughter here - I go to stay with my parents a couple of times a year and do my talking then. There's maybe the occasional email or text from me or them in between, but not many. (I don't do phonecalls). One of my brothers lives at home, the other lives in the same city so my parents see them more often. My family all get on, but our communication style is quiet.



My OH's family has a group Skype call every weekend and ongoing group chat - I thought they were the strange ones!

G4OJR

Finding this quite interesting as my 16 YO son has just gone off to college. Although he's phoned home briefly most days I haven't hassled him as he is very busy and I want him to get settled in to his new lifestyle. My late wife's family, conversely, have a 24/7 approach to phoning their nephews/grandsons and they all phone each other pretty much every day.

hightara

OP. Do not beat yourself up. Every family dynamic is different.