Question about harassment

pogofish · 25 April 2018 at 12:20PM

marliepanda wrote: »

Embarrassing someone is not illegal.

Gossip is not illegal.

Not in itself, no but it can be illegal if considered to be part of a "course of harassment" - which is why the OP's girlfriend needs to be keeping a diary of every instance of potential/contributory instances of harassment or controlling/coercive behaviour she finds out about.

She also needs to be having a word with the local DV team - they tend to be better clued-up on this kind of case compared to many individual officers..

marliepanda · 25 April 2018 at 12:33PM

pogofish wrote: »

Not in itself, no but it can be illegal if considered to be part of a "course of harassment" - which is why the OP's girlfriend needs to be keeping a diary of every instance of potential/contributory instances of harassment or controlling behaviour she finds out about.

She also needs to be having a word with the local DV team - they tend to be better clued-up on this kind of case compared to many individual officers..

Contacting a team about domestic violence because youre worried someone will tell your Mum you drink and have sex is utterly ridiculous and a waste of their time.

There is no harassment. She is currently worried someone will spill the beans on her exploits. I mentioned two instances which could constitute a 'course of harassment' and none of those have been done, and nothing even close to it has been done.

Im actually agog you have suggested calling a team that deals with domestic violence over this. Its insane.

pogofish · 25 April 2018 at 1:23PM

marliepanda wrote: »

Contacting a team about domestic violence because youre worried someone will tell your Mum you drink and have sex is utterly ridiculous and a waste of their time.

There is no harassment.

Im actually agog you have suggested calling a team that deals with domestic violence over this. Its insane.

Its all a matter of degrees - and it all adds-up. If every instance of potentially harassing behaviour was viewed/treated individually, then few cases would ever proceed.

On the contrary - If this has got as far as the police "having a word" with the ex, then under the current legislation, they will need to have been satisfied that there was at very least enough evidence of a course of harassment developing - IIRC the minimum is normally three Attempts at / instances of unwanted contact, unless more serious threats are involved. So I don't think the OP has given us the whole story.

I think you will find that most if not all DV teams are more than happy to offer formal and informal advice on ways to avoid domestic situations escalating into violence or other forms of more serious misbehaviour.

andrewthomas2008 · 25 April 2018 at 5:06PM

pogofish wrote: »

Not in itself, no but it can be illegal if considered to be part of a "course of harassment" - which is why the OP's girlfriend needs to be keeping a diary of every instance of potential/contributory instances of harassment or controlling/coercive behaviour she finds out about.

She also needs to be having a word with the local DV team - they tend to be better clued-up on this kind of case compared to many individual officers..

So far there hasn't been any contact, she has heard rumours that the former friend has been talking to people about her life.

But according to the officier involved, he was told not to contact her again directly.
She just doesn't want to be exposed, I hope people can understand this.

andrewthomas2008 · 25 April 2018 at 5:10PM

pogofish wrote: »

Its all a matter of degrees - and it all adds-up. If every instance of potentially harassing behaviour was viewed/treated individually, then few cases would ever proceed.

On the contrary - If this has got as far as the police "having a word" with the ex, then under the current legislation, they will need to have been satisfied that there was at very least enough evidence of a course of harassment developing - IIRC the minimum is normally three Attempts at / instances of unwanted contact, unless more serious threats are involved. So I don't think the OP has given us the whole story.

I think you will find that most if not all DV teams are more than happy to offer formal and informal advice on ways to avoid domestic situations escalating into violence or other forms of more serious misbehaviour.

Double post by accident

elsien · 25 April 2018 at 5:23PM

pogofish wrote: »

On the contrary - If this has got as far as the police "having a word" with the ex, then under the current legislation, they will need to have been satisfied that there was at very least enough evidence of a course of harassment developing - IIRC the minimum is normally three Attempts at / instances of unwanted contact, unless more serious threats are involved. So I don't think the OP has given us the whole story.

I have to disagree that this is how it happens in practice. Relative was given a harrassment notice when he tried to contact the ex to arrange the child contact visits that had been agreed by the court. There was no abuse, no harrassment, no domestic violence. Police took her word for it anyway. Harrassment notices can be very badly handled and there is no right of appeal when there is a vindictive other party involved.

pogofish · 25 April 2018 at 5:57PM

andrewthomas2008 wrote: »

So far there hasn't been any contact, but when there was contact it was unwanted gifts sent and messages apologising. The threats to tell the brother was information that was passed onto her by a mutual friend,

Unwanted gifts and messages are all considered as attempts at "contact" under the current harassment legislation - it also no longer requires a direct physical approach between the two parties, also considered is causing any kind of threat or behaviour likely to cause "fear and alarm" and again it can be via third parties and has a nessicarilly vague interpretation as harassment can take a wide variety of forms.

pogofish · 25 April 2018 at 6:00PM

elsien wrote: »

Harrassment notices can be very badly handled and there is no right of appeal when there is a vindictive other party involved.

Unquestionably - which is again why they should be in touch with a specialist team, not a local officer who may not be as clued-up/professional in using/applying the legislation.

andrewthomas2008 · 25 April 2018 at 6:06PM

pogofish wrote: »

Unwanted gifts and messages are all considered as attempts at "contact" under the current harassment legislation - it also no longer requires a direct physical approach between the two parties, also any causing any kind of threat or behaviour likely to cause "fear and alarm" and again it can be via third parties and has a nessicarilly vague interpretation as harassment can take a wide variety of forms.

I understand that the unwanted messages and gifts are deemed as harassment, along with any kind of threat or behaviour likely to cause "fear and alarm".

Does the former friend have the right to talk about their past activities like partyinh.

pogofish · 25 April 2018 at 6:09PM

andrewthomas2008 wrote: »

So if he was to mention anything, would we/she be able to get him arrested, although that would mean everything would likely to exposed.

She just doesn't want to be exposed, I hope people can understand this.

This is where you really need to have an informal chat with either the police themselves, or an independent like Women's Aid or any more specialist support group - MSE can only really offer opinions, not firm advice in areas like this.

However, the main things to consider are - has she told him clearly that she no longer wants him rooting about in her life and to desist from any behaviour that might cause her physical or emotional harm? If she can answer yes to both, then she probably has good justification to seek further action if he breaks his informal promise.

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