MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you give cash to just one of your kids?
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Sit down and discuss it with both of them together. See how it goes. Stacy might want to see her brother in a stable position. She might be fine with her share going to him. I think that the money provided should be as a loan however and should be paid into a reserve fund for both of them. It's much better having it there as a safetly net should it be neccesary. Also I think that the son should run any financial matters past the family to help him manage his finances. If he doesn't or folds on the deal then the support can be withdrawn.
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I could make it better myself at home. All I need is a small aubergine...
I moved to Liverpool for a better life.
And goodness, it's turned out to be better and busier!0 -
...punish those careful with money by taxing every penny they manage to save and reward imbeciles with endless bail-outs. So use Staceys savings to bail Gavin out, that'll teach her...
Luckily for both Gavin and Stacey I'm not Gordon Brown. I'd match pound for pound everything Gavin did to get his own problem under control, effectively splitting the money 50/50 if he gets his act in order. I've been financier on the kids - lend me £1500 because [...long sob-story] gravy train.
"Lend" didn't follow the dictionary definition, I was going to get it back when she got her £150k inheritance - that's come and gone and loan repayment came so low down the list there was nothing left (latest ... can you lend me £4k because my £15k car has been reposessed because I defaulted on a log-book loan). No.
Maybe if I'n not bailed her out before she's have experienced the pain of being skint and valued the inheritance more.0 -
it depends on the extent to which Gavin has already been helped financially. If he's already been bailed out, it should all go to Stacey.
I'm one of 5 children and my Dad, at various times during the last few years of his life, lent each of my siblings thousands of pounds and said it would come out of their inheritance. The one time I borrowed money (£500) I was asked to pay it back within 6 months with interest.0 -
If Gavin is facing repossession, or some other disproportionately wealth-destroying event, then Mick should help him out - but only with a cast-iron plan to pay him back.
Otherwise, he should split any money he chooses to gift them equally. If Gavin is still in a bit of a pickle, he can go beg Stacey for a loan if he wants.
PS - Gavin and Stacey are brother and sister...?0 -
He needs to help Gavin out, as he was already going to. He needs to think about whether his actions are actually helping Gavin. He needs to tell Stacey how proud he is of her standing on her own feet, and if he did have the funds for a small present for her, that would probably be appreciated. If he can only afford to help one though, he ought to think about whether he should be saving for his own possible future needs.0
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it depends on the extent to which Gavin has already been helped financially. If he's already been bailed out, it should all go to Stacey.
I'm one of 5 children and my Dad, at various times during the last few years of his life, lent each of my siblings thousands of pounds and said it would come out of their inheritance. The one time I borrowed money (£500) I was asked to pay it back within 6 months with interest.
Did he make sure that it came out of their inheritance?0 -
If Mick really feels strongly that his son needs all of the money to help him out of his difficulties it would seem logical to discuss this dilemma with his sister, Stacey.
If she is so money savvy and on top financially, she may well be happy to agree to let her brother have the lot (plus serious financial counselling of course). Don't underestimate famikly loyalty.
But, without her input in the decision - or full approval, I think Mick should share the money equally.0 -
A similar thing happened to my partner. When his grandad died, both him and his brother recieved inheritance money. Since the other brother was rubbish with money, his parents doubled it and put it as a deposit on a house. Now they have come into financial difficulties because the brother didn't keep up with the morgage repayments and will not be able to do the same for my partner any time soon. It's not fair that one is punished for being good with money! So I think the money should be split equally, and this will be a reward for the girl, and a helping start for the boy0
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And if you read it more carefully you'll notice it didn't say 'help financially.'This is not as clear cut as people think - if you read the quote carefully you will see that Mick 'promised' to help his son clear his debts.
There's more to helping someone in financial difficulty than paying their way out of their debt for them. (In fact, if that's all you do, you're only solving the symptoms, not the problems.)Conjugating the verb 'to be":
-o I am humble -o You are attention seeking -o She is Nadine Dorries0 -
Dad has already promised to "help" Gavin out of his situation (not bail him out). One of the best ways to help someone in this situation is to ease the pressure off them just enough so that they can see some light ahead, but not completely - otherwise they'll have learned nothing (apart from "dad will always bail me out") will have changed no habits, and will quickly find themselves in the same situation again in the future. In this situation, a parent might think they're being kind but actually all they're doing is making themselves feel better ("look, aren't I a good parent?") and shutting up the child's demands/taking the pressure off themselves.
If it was me - I would get both Gavin and Stacey together; explain the situation; ask Stacey's opinion; tell Gavin that I was going to help him financially - but that part of that help was going to be a weekly (yes, weekly!) get-together to review his spending for the week, his repayment of debt, and that he needs to show me that he's serious about changing his habits.
A friend of mine did this with one of her daughters - including setting up a meeting with a debt counsellor. As long as the daughter kept to their weekly meetings (and her budget), the mother paid off her debts. When she started missing them, mum stopped paying. (Her other daughter knew all about it and was supportive).
It took 2 years and a A LOT of arguments/I hate you's etc. My friend spent a lot of the time in tears, wondering if she was doing the right thing. However, 5 years on, the daughter is living in her own flat, with no debt and now says it was the best thing her mum did for her.0
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