Controlled crying?

this doesn't work for every family though - both parents need to agree on it otherwise it causes resentment.

my 20 month old wants company, he's a social creature but once he got to a certain size he didn't like being in our bed. he wants a cuddle while he's comfortable in his own cot :rotfl: the OP's boy might not be comfortable in bed with his parents, it can be a bit of a squash.

this is different to what happens in our house though - this toddler is waking every hour every night whereas mine only comes into my bed or needs a cuddle every once in a while if he's got a cold or is teething.

children's sleep cycles are shorter than ours and it sounds like he is waking up every time he finishes a sleep cycle, and can't get himself back to sleep without help. it's in his best interests to learn that he can fall asleep without his parents (and because his parents have a longer sleep cycle than him it's in their best interests not to be woken halfway through!).

Kyle,
i did controlled crying with both of my little ones and it was defintely one of my better moves as a Mum. I do believe though that I was at breaking point in terms of exhaustion and that helped me to do it.

There are a few other things can helped me to do it:
Another person, maybe your mum or a friend who has children. Basically they need to agree with the principle of controlled crying as once you decide to do this you need to carry on until complete otherwise if you give in or are inconsistent you are putting you and your lo through all this upset for nothing. In the middle of the night when you are tired and the crying seems ten times louder you may struggle to carry it through. Another person telling you, that you are doing the right thing can be a massive support.

When you get to that doubting point in the dark hours it is easier to stick to if you know that all his needs are met. I would recommend a quietish morning so he doesnt need a nap, then a physical afternoon, park, swimming etc
so he is hungry for his tea, therefore eating a good meal, and you wont question if he is hungry, a nice bath, maybe a snack like a banana,(takes ages to digest therefore will keep him full longer in the night) teeth, story, the busy afternoon will also tire him out and he should therefore settle better and have a better quality sleep.

I used to keep thinking of the benefits of being at the other end of controlled crying, ie him sleeping through the night, you having better sleep, both of you being less grumpy and tired during the day time, how much easier it will be to get babysitter or get someone to have them overnight, the benefit to his siblings in getting a better nights sleep, particularly in relation to their schooling. Imagine if you give in what will the outcome be? Still having to lie in bed with him at 7, 9?? I know someone whose nine year old still sleeps with them in their bed.:eek: A rare or extreme case maybe but enough to put me off ever starting the habit.


I can see and appreciate snowmaids pov re co sleeping but this was not an option for me, i am not that "earth mothery". Each to their own i say, just wanted to give you some positive feedback and help re controlled crying.

The most important point would be that if you do decide to start this make sure you want the end result bad enough. It is hard, some learn quickly, others take longer, and i think it gets longer as the child gets older. But once you start make sure you follow it through, or you will only teach him that if he carries on crying forever(it will seem) you will "give in". At the end of the day you are giving him two great gifts, the ability to settle himself, and a happier more rested Mummy.;)

Are you aware that there are other alternatives also, that would be less harsh emotionally for you? Tracy Hogg,(baby whisperer) advises reassuring the child in increasing steps of time, and also has a pick up put down method. Both of these look good but will take longer to work and it seems from your op that you are so tired you just want it sorted now. I can empathise and i would suggest controlled crying would be very beneficial to you, once you are sure.

Hth,
Let us know how it goes,
Sunny Angel

Sunny_Angel wrote: »

Sorry just reread your op and you say you want to try it and are asking for what to expect and tips, re timescales,
I would guess at his age it could take a up to a week, and you may find that first night he will sleep for one sleep cycle(approx 1 hr) and cry for the same, the sleep for one hr, each night the crying should be less both in terms of length of time and amount of awake periods. He may "get it" quite quick though and only need to do controlled crying for two nights! Just keep your mind on the long term results.

Sunny Angel

Sunny Angel, surely you are talking about 'crying it out' and not controlled crying? Crying it out being where you leave them to cry themselves to sleep? As opposed to controlled crying where you return to them in certain increments of time to soothe them then leave them again?

We did a style of the controlled thing with our 2.5yo back in December. We had to get it sorted before baby came along! It seems like an age ago!

She wouldn't wake through the night, but wouldn't go to sleep in her own bed and got up very early. At both ends of sleep, she insisted (screamed) on getting in with Daddy and I to fall asleep - we then moved her into her bed when asleep.

It took 2 weeks!!!! The worst night was about night 4. It took hours and hours and I counted 147 returns (beat Supernanny with the most returns!!!) We did the Supernanny method - get a routine before bed (like bath/story etc) and just keep returning them to bed in silence. With Emily we would tell her an hour before bed that it was bed time and make sure she would say "ok" so we knew she had acknowledged it. We also alternated nights - I did this one night, Daddy the next, as it is exhausting.

The best thing we ever did was spend £20 on a freeview box (Didn't need an ariel upgrade!) With the Cbeebies bedtime hour, she knows when she is going to bed. Watch TV, wash/teeth clean, quick mess around with Daddy, get ready for bed, drink of water (Not allowed to take it to bed or keep it with her though) and she goes off quite happily.


Best advice - whatever you do you MUST stick with it. If you give up even for just one night you have lost the "fight" and it will make it all that much harder.

We occassionally get her coming in to us in the night now, but that is more that baby Ruby has woken her!

What I still do is have Baby Einstein on before bed which if you haven't seen it is classical music with puppets and images on a DVD. It is very calming. We have used them since he was 6 wks and at 22 months he still loves them.

I would say try the return to bed technique like supernanny as up above. I tried controlled crying when Jacob was still in his cot but now he is in a bed I don't like the thought of it as would have to hold the door shut. The return to bed is a killer but works in the end. Your son has just got into a habit like a little baby has and you need to do something/anything to break it. Good luck....... does he always wake at the same times?