Controlled crying?

Miss_Cinnabon

I am basically at my wits end with my 23 month old, he has never slept through the night bar the odd occasion, he wakes up 4-5 times, even more, i settle him to sleep by giving him a bottle of water and i lie next to him in his bed, bad habit i know:o

He wakes up for his bottle, most times he will go back to sleep, other times like last night he will wake up and wander about!

Last night has to have been the worst ever, settled down ok but an hour later he was awake, tried to resettle him but he wasnt having any of it, took him downstairs, gave him weetabix in case it was hunger but was still up the whole night with him!

Got a book today called toddler taming and it says try controlled crying, have tried before but have given up, but want to try again, i am desperate:eek:

Does this really work, how long does it take, anyone who has done this got any tips! he is shattered all the time, very moody during day and i need to get this sorted now before my other boys go back to school as they share the same room.

Any tips?
Kyle

Justie

what is the rest of your evening routine with him? When and what sort of things does he eat/drink and what's his bedtime routine? And do you have an OH who can help with the controlled crying as it's tough on you to cope with it...

There's a mix of opinions on controlled crying but it can be very effective. You need to be consistent though and to have the time and energy to deal with it... It's worth speaking to your health visitor before you try it as you should check if there's any reason health wise why he doesn't sleep through...

If you want to do controlled crying then it often only takes a couple of nights but it's hard hard work...
here is a basic guide to it http://www.askbaby.com/topic/baby-sleep-training.htm but I woudl want to know that the rest of the pre-bed routine is good before suggesting you do it as your son may be hungry, hot, cold, etc...

Miss_Cinnabon

Ok evening routine is he goes to bed anywhere between 6.00- 6.30, have tried keeping him up later but doesnt seem to make any difference, although am going to try this tonight again.

At bedtime he brushes teeth and gets a bedtime story before settling down.

My dh works shifts and is not the most patient person and normally ends up shouting at lo which doesnt help, so normally left to me to deal with lo at night.

He has a week off next week so maybe start controlled crying then, was going to start tonight but have so little energy these days i just cant see it happening!

Have seen health visitor, who referred me to a surestart nurse who was at a loss at what to suggest, she said everything was fine, just one of those kids who dont need much sleep!!



Kyle

Justie

I'd wait till next week when there's time then...

Does he have a daytime nap? When does he eat and does he have sugar or sweet things (drinks etc) in the late afternoon?
I'm a long time out of nannying and not yet at the toddler stage so someone else may be better at advising whether to give him milk at bedtime instead of the water so he's full when he goes to sleep in case it's that that wakes him up.

Does he have bath or a story or anything before bed?

A suggested routine would be: bath, teeth, into PJs go to bed, read a story for 5 - 10 minutes while he has his bottle, then say good night turn the light out and leave him to sleep... follow controlled crying for then on...

snowmaid

Do you not have the cot in your room with you?

When my children woke, I would take them into bed with me. They would have boob while I dozed! They were happy and slept, I was happy, daddy happy

Personally I felt cruel putting them into this huge room by themselves. All they are wanting is body contact, its natural.

wokkies

I think you have to a really brave person todocontrolled crying method or get earplugs,lol but with my second one it worked just heartbreaking for a start but perserverance pays off in the end,( first child perfect sleeper, still is at 17,lol) next 3rd child who is 2, well thats next:o

Carmina_Piranha_3

health visitor suggested i try this with my eldest and it didn't work out. he screamed for hours and got so hot he had a fit, so i didn't want to try it again. my youngest vomits when he's upset so it wouldn't work with him either lol!

we talk about this at toddler groups and lots of mums say it's been fab after the initial couple of days. children are happier if they've had a good sleep, but it's not for everyone. it's not my cup of tea and discussions can get heated. i like chris greene's books but not the controlled crying suggestion.

that's easy for me to say, my toddler (20 months) only wakes up if he's ill/teething, or hungry if he's been sick before bed (reflux - he's sick quite often).

hopefully you'll get more replies from people who've had success with the method.

controlled crying is based on behaviourism, the method is called extinction. i prefer the 'fading' method where you start to gradually move further away from the baby, so for the first week you'd cuddle them in their cot rather than in your bed, in the second week maybe you could just hold hands or stroke their head, until gradually you can sit on a chair in the room, move it towards the door etc.

this way the baby gradually decides that it's okay to fall asleep on his own and should be able to do it when he wakes every hour.

good luck with whatever method you use, you must be exhausted!

Miss_Cinnabon

He is in a big bed now in a room with his 2 brothers as he was always climbing out of his cot and we thought at the time he would sleep better in hs own bed! not worked has it?:rolleyes:

He doesnt drink milk anymore, rejected it when we changed to a cup during the day, he has loads of dairy products though, he takes milk with cereal fine though.

Meals are balanced, hardly gets chocolate as his older brother has diabetes so sugary stuff is limited for everyone.

Tea is round about 5pm.

Yes am so exhausted, very little energy for anything these days, just want him to sleep! i wish!:D

Kyle

Bendybops19

One little thing i noticed was that you said that you gave him some weetabix in case he was hungry - you need to avoid things like this because they will completely wake him up and he wont want to go back to 'boring' bed whilst he has you up.

Try and be veeeery peaceful, very quiet.

Thats all i have to suggest i'm afraid

rio

I did controlled crying with my little one, and yes it does work but it is very hard and you have to really steel yourself to do it. Make sure that you keep your LO in his normal routine and do not let him sleep in in the mornings even if he is tired and wants to, likewise try and keep his naps to the normal times, controlled crying begins to work when the child is so exhausted that they end up going to sleep because they can't fight the tiredness any longer. We did the method whereby you check the baby after 5 minutes and then after 10 etc. Try if possible when you go in to reassure them without making eye contact and leave the lights low. They basically have to learn that they are not going to get rewarded with your attention if they wake up. Obviously check to make sure that they aren't wet, but don't lift them out of the cot for any other reason than if they need changing, and if they do no playing, just change the nappy and straight back to bed ASAP. It took 3 nights to get our LO sorted out and that was over 4 years ago, no problems with his sleeping since then. It does sound cruel to do it like this, but babies and children need their sleep to grow and develop and the rest of the family needs their beauty sleep as well.

snowmaid

kyle wrote: »

He is in a big bed now in a room with his 2 brothers as he was always climbing out of his cot and we thought at the time he would sleep better in hs own bed! not worked has it?:rolleyes:

He doesnt drink milk anymore, rejected it when we changed to a cup during the day, he has loads of dairy products though, he takes milk with cereal fine though.

Meals are balanced, hardly gets chocolate as his older brother has diabetes so sugary stuff is limited for everyone.

Tea is round about 5pm.

Yes am so exhausted, very little energy for anything these days, just want him to sleep! i wish!:D

Kyle

You want sleep, take him into bed with you! It worked for us. May not work for everyone. He is wanting close contact. In the animal kingdom the young don't sleep in another den! They all huddle together, next to mummy! No, I am not advocating that we are animals, but the same principle of comforting young applies, in general...!