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    • MSE Kelvin
    • By MSE Kelvin 30th Apr 19, 2:55 PM
    • 82Posts
    • 195Thanks
    MSE Kelvin
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay a bigger share of the rent?
    • #1
    • 30th Apr 19, 2:55 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay a bigger share of the rent? 30th Apr 19 at 2:55 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    My partner and I are planning to move in together. She earns quite a lot more money than I do and wants to rent a flat that's nicer, and therefore pricier, than what I'd usually go for given my salary. I don't want to disappoint her by making her move somewhere she doesn't like - so should I ask her if she'll pay more?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Page 1
    • lookstraightahead
    • By lookstraightahead 30th Apr 19, 2:59 PM
    • 1,457 Posts
    • 1,356 Thanks
    • #2
    • 30th Apr 19, 2:59 PM
    • #2
    • 30th Apr 19, 2:59 PM
    Maybe if you're living in together you could ... ask her?
    • JuicyJesus
    • By JuicyJesus 30th Apr 19, 3:33 PM
    • 3,664 Posts
    • 4,172 Thanks
    • #3
    • 30th Apr 19, 3:33 PM
    • #3
    • 30th Apr 19, 3:33 PM
    We split our bills proportionately by income (in our case 60/40) and that seems fair. We both have skin in the game that way and we both contribute equivalent to what we're ultimately able.

    The issue with the scenario is we don't have any hard figures. An extra increase of £50-100pcm if split proportionately is fine. An increase of £1000pcm would be a bit more of a !!!!!! because while (say) £20-40 a month isn't a big amount in the scheme of things, £400 is.
    urs sinserly,
    ~~joosy jeezus~~
    • lindens
    • By lindens 30th Apr 19, 3:41 PM
    • 2,574 Posts
    • 7,315 Thanks
    • #4
    • 30th Apr 19, 3:41 PM
    • #4
    • 30th Apr 19, 3:41 PM
    We split our bills proportionately by income (in our case 60/40) and that seems fair. We both have skin in the game that way and we both contribute equivalent to what we're ultimately able.

    Originally posted by JuicyJesus
    we do this too
    You're not your * could have not of * Debt not dept *
    • parkrunner
    • By parkrunner 30th Apr 19, 3:44 PM
    • 2,349 Posts
    • 3,794 Thanks
    • #5
    • 30th Apr 19, 3:44 PM
    • #5
    • 30th Apr 19, 3:44 PM
    Just talk to her, you know like adults do. And yes I know this isn't an actual story.
    It's nothing , not nothink.
    • kerri gt
    • By kerri gt 30th Apr 19, 6:15 PM
    • 8,248 Posts
    • 54,646 Thanks
    kerri gt
    • #6
    • 30th Apr 19, 6:15 PM
    • #6
    • 30th Apr 19, 6:15 PM
    How about discussing this with her vs internet strangers and perhaps look for that middle ground often used in successful relationships called compromise
    Feb 2015 NSD Challenge 8/12
    JAN NSD 11/16

    • cjv
    • By cjv 30th Apr 19, 7:31 PM
    • 498 Posts
    • 272 Thanks
    • #7
    • 30th Apr 19, 7:31 PM
    • #7
    • 30th Apr 19, 7:31 PM
    You should dump her immediately and invest the money saved in Bitcoin.
    • vpeake
    • By vpeake 30th Apr 19, 8:10 PM
    • 453 Posts
    • 1,121 Thanks
    • #8
    • 30th Apr 19, 8:10 PM
    • #8
    • 30th Apr 19, 8:10 PM
    explain that if she wants to move somewhere nicer then explain you wouldn’t be able to afford it. Give her the choice to pay more of the rent or move somewhere that you can both afford.
    • diggingdude
    • By diggingdude 30th Apr 19, 8:14 PM
    • 1,361 Posts
    • 1,832 Thanks
    • #9
    • 30th Apr 19, 8:14 PM
    • #9
    • 30th Apr 19, 8:14 PM
    I always find this one difficult as I do a job I don't like to get a relatively high salary for the area, the girl I was seeing gets a low salary and isn't really prepared to push yourself that much to earn more and actually expected me to pay for things mostly. I always felt it was a little unfair as I was miserable doing my job to earn that money but then they clearly wasn't a future in that relationship anyway I may have felt different where the relationship different
    House owner as of 27.3.2019
    • alpinelynn
    • By alpinelynn 30th Apr 19, 8:53 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    There is only one fair way for couples, in my opinion – each contribute to the household expenses the same percentage of your respective income.
    • Wils364
    • By Wils364 30th Apr 19, 9:27 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    If you do not feel comfortable talking this through with your partner, do you think you should take that step at all?
    • sclare
    • By sclare 30th Apr 19, 10:56 PM
    • 31 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    Decide how much you can afford to pay for rent. Tell her what that is, double it, and ask her if there's anything in that range that she's prepared to live in. If there isn't, explain that she will need to pay the extra over that figure for what she wants.
    • Mel0
    • By Mel0 30th Apr 19, 11:16 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Surely if you are living together your money is one?
    When my now husband wanted to move in with me, my answer was I couldnít afford to.. I worked, but had 2 children so got some help, straight away he said we should just get a joint account, and everything goes in and comes out of that.. itís always worked perfectly well for us...
    • markin
    • By markin 1st May 19, 1:47 AM
    • 891 Posts
    • 739 Thanks
    If you can't afford it alone you are both saying no to kids, unless shes got a years pay saved up.
    • John Gray
    • By John Gray 1st May 19, 6:31 AM
    • 5,452 Posts
    • 3,239 Thanks
    John Gray
    It seems fairly clear
    This will all end in tear
    • happyinflorida
    • By happyinflorida 1st May 19, 6:43 AM
    • 787 Posts
    • 678 Thanks
    Discuss this with her first

    If she's not willing to pay more, don't move in with her, she's not the one for you
    • SJCsussex
    • By SJCsussex 1st May 19, 6:44 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    How about basing it on a percentage - so if you take your joint income as a whole - what % is hers and what % is yours then use that same % to determine what portion of the rent she pays and what you pay. Agree to review every time either persons income changes. Don't forget to add bills into the equations too. I have friends who have used this throughout their life together and it works perfectly - even when one took time out to have a baby and then returned to work part time
    • smilem
    • By smilem 1st May 19, 8:30 AM
    • 4 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    My partner and I were in the same position, I wanted more space so paid more for rent and then we split the bills 50/50
    We sat down and had a big money talk initially to make sure we were both comfortable and have kept up this transparency and fairness going forward as we progressed into mortgage and our relationship is better for it.
    Fairness is a perspective so have an open talk about it
    • Roy The Boy
    • By Roy The Boy 1st May 19, 8:54 AM
    • 6 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    Roy The Boy
    Might be worth starting a polyamourous relationship then the bills can be split 3 ways sorted.
    • Kaysafus
    • By Kaysafus 1st May 19, 8:56 AM
    • 7 Posts
    • 684 Thanks
    Being able to talk about money openly is crucial in a relationship, in my opinion. I earn more than my partner, and have for years, but I also spent more on my education, including paying for a postgraduate degree out of our joint bank account. Since we've been married and living together we've had a joint bank account and treat everything like one pot. We don't focus too much on who puts more in. He's studying to qualify at the moment and may earn more than me one day. I would love for him to earn more so our joint pot is bigger, but otherwise it's not a big deal for me.
    Thanks so much to everyone who posts on here!

    2019 wins: £0.30 on Topcashback games, National Trust recipe book, £50 Rex London vouchers, IBW award books
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