Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay a bigger share of the rent?

gloriouslyhappy

Better talk now before ordering that moving van - it'll be a lot easier now to work out what you both want, can afford, and can accept.

ElizabethMoney

I earn approximately double my partner's salary. We worked out how much mortgage + bills come to each month and have arranged for me to pay 2/3 of this sum and him to pay 1/3 of it. I also informally try to take on more of costs that fall outside this, like if it's my turn to get a shop I'll buy olive oil and washing powder in bulk so he doesn't get stuck with them.
The arrangement with the mortgage and bills came out of a lot of discussions about what "fairness" means to us both. I'd encourage you to start a conversation with your partner about the same topic and work out where your views align and where they differ.

amber_cloud

Yes, asking the higher earner to contribute more to live in a nicer flat sounds completely reasonable. I earn more than my partner and if I wanted to move somewhere they would struggle to afford I would happily pay more toward the rent.

cherryduck

As other's have said, have a conversation and see what you both think is fair, do this before you move in.

Myself and my partner both use a proportional system where what we pay towards the bills is based on how much we earn, so it hits us both equally. When she was a student I was paying the lion's share, but it hit her equally financially, and we were able to live in better conditions than either of us could have afforded separately. Now she's also employed, she pays more towards the bills, which means we can afford to buy a house between us and have nicer furniture when we move in.

Faceuptoreality

It seems to me that if you have to ask this question then you are not ready to move in together. What happens if/when you fall out how will either of you be able to afford the rent for the remaining part of the rental contract.

My advice is stay where you are and when your relationship is stronger (i.e. you both know that you want to spend the rest of your lives together) talk about what you want for the future. This seems to be a money saving and nicer living plan rather than a "living with the love of my life" plan.

REJP

Have you tried talking about it to your partner before writing this so called "moral" dilemma?
If you cannot discuss such an obvious problem there is not a lot of hope for the partnership is there? If you cannot afford a move to a more expensive place, say so and do not put yourself in a position where you will end up struggling to pay your share of rent and other expenses.
A caring partner will understand, if not, say goodbye.

Mac9091_2

Two ways of looking...

A. Split all bills 50/50 then went (if) you break up there is no argument about who put more in.

B. Split bills as a percentage of your incomes (already mentioned)

I get that people used to consider all income shared and "household income" but people are more likely to split up nowadays and then women tended to be more housewives whereas now most people have to work.

Personally I worked, she didn't for the most part (90% of the time), I paid all the bills and any extra she brought in was spent on a holiday, extra things done at weekends, takeaways etc.

Exodi

alpinelynn wrote: »

There is only one fair way for couples, in my opinion – each contribute to the household expenses the same percentage of your respective income.

diggingdude wrote: »

I always find this one difficult as I do a job I don't like to get a relatively high salary for the area, the girl I was seeing gets a low salary and isn't really prepared to push yourself that much to earn more and actually expected me to pay for things mostly. I always felt it was a little unfair as I was miserable doing my job to earn that money but then they clearly wasn't a future in that relationship anyway I may have felt different where the relationship different

It's hard to answer a question that's largely based on peoples circumstances with a general answer but at least in my position I'm more leaning towards diggingdude's point of view.

My partner works part time, outright refuses to work full time as she'd rather spend more time with her dog (genuinely), whereas I work full time (50 hour weeks) but bring in 3-4x what she does. Our money also goes 'into a pot' but I'd likewise say it's not very 'fair'. The compromise is that if I ever want to splurge an exorbitant amount of money on something, there would be no debate (luckily I'm the most frugal person on the planet so can't say this will ever happen).

Senseicads

My partner and I approached it from a different way. We worked out what each of us needed each month in terms of weekly spends, petrol, etc. that came out at £600 for me and £700 for her(longer commute). when we get paid we put that aside and put all the other monies into the joint account. Out of which all the bills are paid and anything left over is used as savings and family treat money. works really well. we have moved the £600 and £700 up and down a bit since we started and this is the happy balance. that way no one feels guilty about spending their allocated money on whatever they like and all the bills are taken care of. works great.

Bellisima

When my OH and I moved in together we opened a joint account and pooled our money, but I know Martin doesn’t approve of joint accounts, and of course if your relationship isn’t stable it can be a complete disaster. My sisters are stay at home mums and their OH’s pay them a “salary” to pay for household costs like bills and shopping etc. But if you are both working then I think a percentage of the respective salaries sounds an excellent suggestion. Whether you should get a more expensive home is something you really must discuss with your partner. If you can’t even discuss this with them, signs are not good.