Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

lessonlearned · 24 July 2018 at 12:46PM

I went to acupuncture today......so going to take it easy now. It is working but the actual treatments do wipe me out.

Kittie. Wouldn't it be nice if just now and then we had someone to make us a cuppa and a snack......

It's the little things I miss........ the back rubs, the cuppas, snuggling up on The sofa, him watching football, me reading. Sitting out in the garden, him doing the crossword, me reading or a bit of needlework. The Impromptu days out.......even supermarket trips were fun when we went together. He could make even the most boring task or outing enjoyable.

He was so full of fun and mischief, so full of joire de vie. Without him Life does lack fun at times now. As one of his friends said, when he died the world suddenly became a greyer place.

And, as I read recently.......when you lose your life's partner .....

Every. Single. Thing. Changes.

Elona_2 · 24 July 2018 at 1:57PM

LL

I miss him doing family geneology on the big monitor while I read or browsed on the laptop with the pint and a half mug of tea he loved, the enthusiasm with which he observed the chickens and which of them was laying the double yolked eggs and the way he would wind up cold callers by telling them he could make the product himself!

I even miss looking up calories in desserts etc and putting them back because they did not have enough to build him up.

DDs are very good about making me tea or soft drinks whenever they visit but it is not the same as me and DH relaxing with a cuppa and our feet up.

Older dd phoned and had a nice chat but no sign of baby making an entrance so far. I have offered to put up her MIL and FIL and DH's sister when they drive up to visit once the baby arrives so will make sure I have the fridge stocked up etc.

Have just realised it was one o'clock and I had not eaten so had a large brunch of bacon, egg, sausages and toast and might have something light like smoked salmon and bagels for tonight with plenty of soft drinks.

The new fan for upstairs has just arrived so I will unpack it and take it up. The new mattress topper arrived this morning and I managed to lug the double bed size thing upstairs, unpack it and lay it on top of the bed to expand !

Hugs to all

Blackcatsreturns · 24 July 2018 at 8:38PM

I miss the first cup of tea in bed he brought me each and every day until he absolutely couldn't do it any more. We swapped roles then and I brought up the tea for him and we both knew, without saying out loud, that the end was coming.
However, on a lighter note I don't miss the strict rules and regulations about the dishwasher - thorough cleaning of every item before it was loaded and strict protocol for stacking and loading. I smile to myself each time I do it my way but of course I'd gladly swop my rebellious freedom if he was here to enforce his standards .... so many things to miss

shabbychic12 · 25 July 2018 at 11:34AM

Blackcatsreturn - this post resonated with me and made me laugh and cry as my DH did the same tea every morning and we argued about the dishwasher loading. It's just not the same now. His other job was putting out the bins on a Tuesday and even now 3.5 years on l curse him for not being here to put them out.

Blackcatsreturns · 26 July 2018 at 1:32PM

Hello Shabbychic - sorry if I upset you but sounds like we have similar memories. Bins were another poignant task for me too. Who knew that dustbins could be so emotive. Our bin day was Monday so on Sunday evening OH and the neighbours would put the bins out and have a chat together. After OH died my lovely neighbour took on the task for me. He didnt ask or make a fuss just did it as well as cutting the grass on the shared verge outside our houses. They are 2 quite small tasks but they were very definitely OH's tasks so it was so thoughtful and kind of my neighbour and I'm still grateful for that kindness.

shabbychic12 · 26 July 2018 at 10:19PM

It's those little jobs that l miss him for most funny isn't it. Considering l did all the cooking, cleaning and diy - and still do lol- l think a cup of tea and putting the bins out wasnt much to ask for and now l have to do them as well. DD sometimes remembers to make a cup of tea but the bins are a no go.

seven-day-weekend · 27 July 2018 at 12:35AM

:eek::eek:Why has kittie been PPR'd?

Blackcatsreturns · 27 July 2018 at 2:09PM

What does PPR'd mean?

Savvy_Sue · 27 July 2018 at 2:55PM

Posting Privileges Removed - banned, in other words.

mrsyardbroom · 27 July 2018 at 5:54PM

I lost my husband last Saturday and it's still very raw. I miss the little things too. Just now the dogs heard a car door slam and they thought it was him coming home. They looked so disappointed when no-one came. It's awful. The worst experience of my life but I know I have to carry on no matter how much I wanted to go with him on that journey. Please tell me it gets a bit better.

Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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