On-line dating experiences?
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My bf was unemployed when i met him, still lived at home etc. He got a temp job not long after we got together and he's still doing it now(hopefully being made perm in the next year or two).The job thing is an interesting one. I’ve heard many people say they couldn’t date someone with a low level job (such as retail, factory, waitressing). I don’t think I’m as fussy about someone’s job.
Having said that though, one of my cousins was in a long term relationship with a paramedic. In the end, it was his shift work and intensity of the job that got to her. Apparently many emergency services workers marry each other as only they understand the value of their work and the dedication that’s required with it. Therefore I think I would prefer someone who worked a similar pattern to me, but if we both prioritise days off and annual leave for each other that would be work-able.
I don't judge because 5 years ago i was on benefits myself, i had 3 1/2 years of that and i know i was judged for it so i don;t judge anyone else for it if that makes sense.
He still lives at home
(thankfully i get on well with his parents!)but we're getting our own place soon 
as for meeting people offline i met one of my exes on a night out, and thus endured 3 years of an abusive relationship so online was much better for e!0 -
When I was on Match.com, I was 25 and had set my age preferences to 25-35 for men. I also wanted someone with a similar level of education to me and, as I don't want children, I made it clear that I didn't want to date men with kids. I used to get a lot of guys messaging me who were 50+ or who had children. When I replied to them to say that I didn't think we were compatible, I'd then get a few nasty messages about my looks or accusing me of being stuck up or frigid. It happened a lot.
I can understand to a point setting an upper age limit (or even a lower one) with the upper limit, I guess the profiler has no intention of reaching that age?
I have seen profiles where there are children in every picture, to me that sends out the wrong message, I remember commenting on one and I recieved a barrage of verbal abuse ( I suspect I wasn't the only one to have commented) strangely after a time the 1st picture was the candidate without the bonus prize.
Overall, I think many 'choosers' are in denial and not looking for a meet/relationship just seeking attention
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I think it's unrealistic to have a massive list of attributes your future partner "must have" but a few core things can help narrow the playing field.
There's the danger of being too picky or not picky enough. It's a waste of everyone's time if you know, deep down, that you don't want x, y or z in a partner but you decide to give them a go anyway - maybe the relationship lasts a few dates or maybe it limps on for a few months. Eventually, it'll end because there's always been that underlying issue. A lot of it is about self-awareness - you have hard limits and soft limits, so sort your potential partners accordingly.0 -
As for responding to men, I used to always write back, even if it was a polite "thank you but I don't think we are suited", usually because the guy in question had completely ignored my preferences. More often than not, I got a stream of abuse for rejecting them.
I'd say its more how you worded it, for example from my own experience even when I was younger and skinnier and id even be pretty much word for word what the woman wanted I would get a rejection, the only times I would get annoyed is if they commented on my looks or weight etc, because they may of been larger than me by quite a margin, "average" looking and basically a over inflated perception of themselves.
So if it was more like "you aren't what I was looking for in terms of apperance" I could write back "well you are hardly a model yourself" not that I remember doing so but I was blocked from 2 womens profiles after they were rude to me after I sent a polite response back after being rejected simply enquiring for feedback, I have a vague memory of one of them responding back and telling me off for responding back after she made it "clear" that she wanted nothing to do with me when I just wanted feedback for the future, and going on to claim I was harassing her at which point she insulted my apperance.
(3 years later I went on and saw her profile still was on the website and she was still looking for a partner and her profile text had her complaining why she couldn't find anyone and no one gave her a chance)0 -
When I was on Match.com, I was 25 and had set my age preferences to 25-35 for men. I also wanted someone with a similar level of education to me and, as I don't want children, I made it clear that I didn't want to date men with kids. I used to get a lot of guys messaging me who were 50+ or who had children. When I replied to them to say that I didn't think we were compatible, I'd then get a few nasty messages about my looks or accusing me of being stuck up or frigid. It happened a lot.
I believe dating is an area you can be as prejudice as you want. However saying that I’ve never understood the requirement for a certain educational level unless you’ve got a particular interest in discussing uni life. It doesn’t guarantee, or even really suggest anything although I’d imagine people request it because they feel it means something.0 -
I'd say its more how you worded it, for example from my own experience even when I was younger and skinnier and id even be pretty much word for word what the woman wanted I would get a rejection, the only times I would get annoyed is if they commented on my looks or weight etc, because they may of been larger than me by quite a margin, "average" looking and basically a over inflated perception of themselves.
I would use match.com’s button system, which just generated a standard “Thank you for contacting me but I don’t think we would be compatible” type message. I would never comment on someone’s appearance, being larger than average myself.
I also don’t think asking for feedback is particularly helpful. It’s not a job interview and sometimes it’s a gut reaction when we look at someone’s profile. You aren’t what that person wants, surely that’s enough feedback, entering into a conversation about their preferences is pointless.0 -
mariposa687 wrote: »See I've heard mixed reviews about eHarmony so not willing to pay for it yet.
I met someone I was with for 3 & 1/2 years on eHarmony. However due to living in West Wales after a day or 2 it runs out of people to match me with locally so I am not finding suitable matches but they are 200 miles away :eek:Dwy galon, un dyhead,
Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
Dau enaid ond un taith.0 -
Education is very important to me. Apart from the three things I mentioned, I was pretty laid back about everything else.
The problem with on line dating is that people take the rejection too seriously. For all the men getting upset about being rejected and asking for feedback, I’m sure they do their fair share of looking at profiles and going “nope”. There’s a lot of choice and it’s nothing personal.0 -
For what it's worth, online dating was an extraordinarily liberating experience for me. Much easier than chatting up somebody in bars I don't frequent or social circles I don't enjoy.
I quickly learned to accept that no reply was simply "no thanks". While initially it hurt to get so many rejections I equated it to "Well there's no point pursuing her if my pictures and profile don't do it for her".
Messaging in 1-2 paragraphs as an introduction, drawing out something of mutual interest from her profile. Avoid smut.
Exchange 3-4 messages via the dating site. I'd suggest keeping it relaxed but not sexual. Suggest moving conversation to text or WhatsApp.
Once that progression is made, suggest meeting up. My MO was walk round a lake and grab a coffee. Occasionally I'd be blanked at this point. Move on to the next - they've had time to think about you and decided it's not right. That's their prerogative.
Once the first date is complete, gently go for the kiss. If she shows you the cheek it might not be good news! If she goes for the snog you hit the jackpot. A hug and a kiss on the lips is also promising.
Message an hour or so later "I enjoyed that, did you get home ok?" - guage the response. Perhaps wait a day or two before suggesting the second date. Gives her the chance to suggest it first.
Second date a meal out near her house. That way she can feel safe. That way she can invite you in for a coffee if she wants to. It gives her control.
Third date? Within a week of second date. Cinema. Night in. Meal out. The world is your oyster. Once you hit date three the world is your oyster. She's into you. She wants to spend time with you.
Well that's my theory. I've had lots of dates, a handful of second dates. Three relationships (two lasting just a few months) and a ridiculously fun evening with a ghosting Welsh woman.
Everybody I met seemed genuinely nice. I think all were on the "I want a relationship" page, except for Welshy. My self-confidence grew considerably after being hammered by years in a bad marriage. Yes, many saw me once and didn't want to see me again. So be it. Some I didn't want to see again.
OK Cupid, POF and Tinder were my freebies. Tinder took me to Wales.
I've now been in a relationship for over a year with a wonderful lady I met on Match. The Topcashback rebate makes her particularly good value!0 -
I didn't put a photo up at first which was interesting. It was refreshing to speak to guys who didn't even ask what I looked like. I did get a few nasty messages too. It was dating direct that I used.
I see nothing wrong with the concept. At the time I was working long hours and wasn't into ' going out'. Went to the gym but really nowhere to meet people. Would probably still be single if I hadn't tried the online thing. That does mean you might meet more socially awkward people in my opinion as that's the reason for some people joining.
Best part is its easier to discount anyone who you really don't want to progress with. In real life it might be harder to be blunt enough.0
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