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    Former MSE Lee
    Real Life MMD: Should I ask for the cash back?
    • #1
    • 15th Apr 11, 5:01 PM
    Real Life MMD: Should I ask for the cash back? 15th Apr 11 at 5:01 PM
    Should I ask for the cash back?

    I recently threw a party for my friend and a few of us decided put in 20 each and buy a joint present. I had to put the money in for one of my friends as I couldn't get it off her in time and she said she'd pay me at the party. However, she didn't turn up as she was ill, and never mentioned the money again when I next saw her. The card was still signed with her name, so the friend we had the party for thinks she was in on it. Should I ask her for the money and risk losing her friendship?

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    Last edited by Former MSE Lee; 15-04-2011 at 5:31 PM.
Page 1
  • Niggy G
    • #2
    • 19th Apr 11, 10:50 PM
    • #2
    • 19th Apr 11, 10:50 PM
    It's a bit of a no-brainer this one. Your friend agreed to put in, you shouldn't be out of pocket. Your friend not turning up to the party is irrelevent.

    No offence intended, but, looking at this from an outsiders view, if your worried about risking 'losing her friendship' over such a trivial thing then your either insecure or your friend isn't a great friend.
  • mayling03
    • #3
    • 19th Apr 11, 11:21 PM
    • #3
    • 19th Apr 11, 11:21 PM
    Agree with the above. If you don't wanna do it face to face text her. Say something like, 'Just got my credit card statement (LIE if you don't use it) and need to pay the bill off in full, I know you couldn't give me it that day as you were ill. If you want to do it by internet banking, let me know'. Short and sweet, you are not giving her an option.
    • redglass
    • By redglass 19th Apr 11, 11:33 PM
    • 771 Posts
    • 8,839 Thanks
    • #4
    • 19th Apr 11, 11:33 PM
    • #4
    • 19th Apr 11, 11:33 PM
    Agree with the last two! There shouldn't be any risk of losing someone's friendship over something this straightforward. If the boot were on the other foot, would YOU throw a tantrum and stop being friends? Thought not. The only thing that might give me pause is if your friend felt a lot of pressure on her and was 'roped in' to contributing, but even so, she should have said no, rather than promise to pay and then let you carry the can.
    'Whatever you dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin now.' Goethe

    • ShakeyStacey
    • By ShakeyStacey 20th Apr 11, 12:33 AM
    • 34 Posts
    • 49 Thanks
    • #5
    • 20th Apr 11, 12:33 AM
    • #5
    • 20th Apr 11, 12:33 AM
    Until I went and checked the details, I was almost sure the question was the other person refered to in last weeks MMD
    A contractor I work with had a birthday last week. A junior colleague had a small celebration, bought a cake and a gift. I wasn't in the office on the day this took place. I'm now being asked for a 5 contribution.
    In answer, we get situations like this at uni all the time. It's probably slipped your friends mind. Just ask her!
  • DurhamGrad
    • #6
    • 20th Apr 11, 3:21 AM
    • #6
    • 20th Apr 11, 3:21 AM
    At the risk of sounding like a sheep, I agree with the others.

    Just send a quick txt saying you've just got your credit card bill and need to pay it off in full otherwise you'll end up out of pocket (because you'll be charged interest) and is there chance she can drop by with the cash or transfer it into your bank account asap?

    This is far from an unreasonable request. If she's a friend, she won't have a problem with it. If she's a !!!!!!!!!!, then she needs to be called to account.

    Let us know the outcome.
  • DurhamGrad
    • #7
    • 20th Apr 11, 3:22 AM
    • #7
    • 20th Apr 11, 3:22 AM
    why was the word f-r-e-e-l-o-a-d-e-r blanked out of my last post??
    • _nate
    • By _nate 20th Apr 11, 3:44 AM
    • 60 Posts
    • 39 Thanks
    • #8
    • 20th Apr 11, 3:44 AM
    • #8
    • 20th Apr 11, 3:44 AM
    She might have forgotten, for all you know. Just mention it; if you really think you might lose your friendship over it, something is wrong.
    • yvonne13
    • By yvonne13 20th Apr 11, 6:48 AM
    • 1,738 Posts
    • 2,610 Thanks
    • #9
    • 20th Apr 11, 6:48 AM
    • #9
    • 20th Apr 11, 6:48 AM
    Don't tell any lies jusy say "Have you got that 20 quid!" and she will more than likely say "aww I forgot".
    My friend's try that rubbish all the time, so I have learnt how to handle them.
    For example we are going to Alton towers for easter break and they have asked me to drive. They have already said they will give me 5 each for petrol (there will be 4 of us going) I never said a word. I will drive straight to the petrol station and fill the tank then stretch out my hand asking them to dig deep.
    They will see how much I have put in and understand it has to be split 4 ways, and the same will happen on our way back. Any problems the doors not locked.
    • happyinflorida
    • By happyinflorida 20th Apr 11, 9:03 AM
    • 724 Posts
    • 610 Thanks
    If people ask you to pay and then don't repay you, I wouldn't count them as friends at all. I really hate it when people do this, I'm not prepared to accept being "ripped off" by a so called friend.
    • Thundercatsarego
    • By Thundercatsarego 20th Apr 11, 9:48 AM
    • 88 Posts
    • 5,188 Thanks
    I would just say to her: 'I'm really sorry to have to ask, but I'm short this month, and I never got that 20 off you for X's bday pressie...' - I know my friends would be mortified if they thought they had done me out of 20... if you're friends then there is no problem
    • Aldahbra
    • By Aldahbra 20th Apr 11, 9:50 AM
    • 315 Posts
    • 3,684 Thanks
    I don't see any dilemma here. Why wouldn't you ask her?

    Why would asking her risk loosing the friendship? I think you are probably being very unfair to your friend here.

    If you ask her and she doesn't want to be your friend because of it, she never was your friend.
    • lurvlyloz
    • By lurvlyloz 20th Apr 11, 9:55 AM
    • 876 Posts
    • 1,996 Thanks
    i think that she probably forget...especially seeing as she was ill.

    just ask her for it. your an adult you should be able to do these kind of things! x
  • JoannaS
    Another great "Dilemma"
    Firstly I'm not sure why this would 'risk ruining your friendship'?!

    She asked you to use your money in place of hers and would pay you back so why do you have a prblem asking for what is yours?!

    Grow a pair and say you owe me 20 for blah blah's birthday can I please have it??!!!! She probably forgot all about it and will have no problem giving it back! If she does she's not a friend and you are better off without her!!

    "Dilemma" solved!!!
    Debt owed 4000, Saved (to pay back) 300, only 3,700 to go!!

    My best money saving tip: Good manners cost NOTHING! So please be nice to each other!
    • warehouse
    • By warehouse 20th Apr 11, 10:55 AM
    • 3,123 Posts
    • 5,839 Thanks
    Bit of a silly question really. Do you think anyone is going to say "forget the money" on a money saving forum?
  • chog24
    Absolutely! It doesn't matter if she couldn't make it on the day, she made a verbal commitment to go in on the gift and so her verbal commitment was counted into the price of the gift so she owes the money.

    Whether you feel the need to "risk the friendship" (though if it's irrevocably damaged over something like this it's not much of a friendship, really) I guess it depends on how much you are missing the money. If we were talking about a fiver, I'd probably let it slide for the sake of a quiet life, but twenty quid's a lot of money. Imagine if you'd all put in a hundred each... or a thousand!
    • pennypinchUK
    • By pennypinchUK 20th Apr 11, 11:36 AM
    • 382 Posts
    • 732 Thanks
    And your dilemma is? Your friend agreed to contribute, so just ask her for the money. Simple. What's there to lose friendship over?
  • Losinmoney
    I think you can say goodbye to your 20.

    I would never put in 20 for someone else. A fiver, possibly, but 20 no. It's far too tempting for them to forget about it. Next time, just say you only have your contribution on you. If the others peek in your purse/wallet, say you need that money for yourself til the end of the week.
    • kneelbeforezod
    • By kneelbeforezod 20th Apr 11, 1:06 PM
    • 44 Posts
    • 30 Thanks
    I think you can say goodbye to your 20.

    I would never put in 20 for someone else.
    Originally posted by Losinmoney
    It's a shame when people have been let down so often they can't even trust their friends to do the right thing...

    As others here have said - just ask her, she's probably just forgotten about it
  • SpaceMagic
    Of course you can ask for your money back. Do it over coffee, or something. It's a purely innocent question, "Oh, by the way, do you have that 20 for XXXX's present?"

    She agreed to it, so she has to pay.
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