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combining your shopping when you first move in with your OH!

Appologies if this has been posted before, nothing came up on the search...

I was just wondering whether anyone had any tips/ experiences to share about couples "combining" their grocery shop when they move in together?

I'm thinking about this because the other day me, and my OH of nearly 2 years had our first conversation on the possibility, that maybe, at some point, we might think about moving in with each other, and we happened to have this conversation as I was putting my groceries away (as one does.)

We often do our big grocery shop together, but with seperate areas of the trolley, and then each pay for our own and take it back to our respective houses. We both like to keep a sharp eye on the budget but I've noticed we have wildly different shopping styles:

Me: I'm vegan, and quite Old Style - I like to make all my food from scratch and don't mind spending time in the kitchen. I like a bargain, but I have set things that I always like to buy regardless of whether they're on offer (like tomatoes, peppers) because they form the bulk of my diet, and certain things I prefer to pay more for because I feel they're a healthier or tastier option (like wholemeal pasta) - I like to enjoy my food and to eat healthily. I almost never buy things like cake or chocolate or snacks as I consider them unnecessary, and therefore a waste of money at any price.

Him: He's an omnivore who likes his meat and fish, but will eat veggy without any fuss - I'm loathe to admit it but he's also a lot less fussy than I am (although I'm not too bad, I'll eat nearly all vegan food that's put in front of me, there are just certain things I prefer and so cook most often)!. His main approach to grocery shopping is "buy all the stuff with yellow stickers on" - he then constructs each meal based on whatever needs using up first, rather than based on considerations of taste (as he says "I like all food so anything I make is nice!"). He can cook, but dislikes wasting time in the kitchen, "faffing" with complex or time consuming recipes, or creating any kind of mess (I'm a messy cook!). He generally objects to ready meals/ processed food on basis of price, but if they're yellow stickered he'll happily buy them. He also has a big thing for cakes and treats - at least half his grocery shop (which, incidentally,usually costs far less than mine) is always yellow stickered sweet stuff: bags of dougnuts, packs of muffins, chilled chocolate desserts, bags of sweets. Stuff I just see as a waste of money and wouldn't eat anyway. He does eat all the healthy stuff happily - it's just he always has to follow it up with a doughnut!

Thinking about this, I despair thinking about how we would ever combine the grocery shopping in a way taht would satisfy my need for the foods I like/ think are healthy, and his need to spend as little as humanly possible regardless of what food you actually end up with! (We also have wildly different earnings - he earns almost twice what I do).

It also makes me think about my ex, with whom I lived for several years - he was an incredibly fussy eater and I ended up just going along with his preferences as it was easier - all meals contained quorn (he couldn't eat a meal without something to "sink his teeth into"), homemade pasta sauces were not allowed, certain brands of things etc...

It's not an immediate problem as such, and I'm sure we will talk about it ourselves, but I'm just wondering whether anyone had anything to share on the topic I guess!
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Comments

  • elvis86
    elvis86 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    I'm a bit unclear as to what the problem is? You've been a couple for two years, and you say that when you do eat together he's never kicked up a fuss about eating your veggie food? I guess when you live together you'll sometimes eat veggie together and sometimes eat different things for dinner so that he gets his meat fix? If you're more of a foodie, perhaps you'll tend to take more of a lead on cooking and therefore a lead on what goes in the trolley based on what you're planning to cook?

    However, what it possibly sounds like, is that you begrudge the idea of paying for your OH's meat and doughnuts..? Which, IMO, isn't MSE, it's mean.:( Even regardless of your vegan beliefs, you can't object to purchasing meat whilst being happy to be in a relationship with someone who eats it!

    By all means try and set a budget for food each week/month, but you'll have to accept that he'll want some of his preferred food and vice versa.
  • spugzbunny
    spugzbunny Posts: 1,235 Forumite
    My OH and I don't - simple! We have been together for 7 years and most people think it is really strange but we just eat completely different food at completely different times so it makes no sense for us to buy together. When we have kids then we will readdress the issue but for now it works just fine!
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  • Any
    Any Posts: 7,959 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    No, I don't see how would you want to approach food other then with all the other bills...
    I think most people just half/percentage according income all the bills...

    Is he going to pay only 40% of electricity because he goes out training twice a week so doesn't watch TV every night?

    I don't think the issue here is the food bill, you will have to think about all bills.... The food bill is the least of your worries if you earn very differently...

    We have joint account with ALL the bills going out of there and food budget. Split is 40/60 as my OH earns more.
  • How
    ever, what it possibly sounds like, is that you begrudge the idea of paying for your OH's meat and doughnuts..? Which, IMO, isn't MSE, it's mean.:( Even regardless of your vegan beliefs, you can't object to purchasing meat whilst being happy to be in a relationship with someone who eats it!

    Oh god no that's not it at all! I've no objection to him purchasing meat. I even buy bacon for him if I see some cheap when I pop into the corner shop by myself!

    I was actually more concerned about the opposite problem - that he might resent paying the extra for all my "fancy" food, when his solo grocery bill is generally so tiny in comparison to mine.

    Also about the fact we'd probably be eating together most days, as opposed to just two or three days a week., so there might be mor eneed for a bit of "synergy"
  • elvis86
    elvis86 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    spugzbunny wrote: »
    My OH and I don't - simple! We have been together for 7 years and most people think it is really strange but we just eat completely different food at completely different times so it makes no sense for us to buy together. When we have kids then we will readdress the issue but for now it works just fine!

    I'm sure it works for you, but to me this is just a bit...weird.:(

    The only reasons I can think of for doing it, are if you were constantly arguing with your partner about what went in the trolley and you both begrudged paying for each other's food (eg "Why should I put 50p towards her apples when I don't like them?:mad:").

    I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who begrudged me throwing something in the trolley just because they might not eat it.
  • brokeinwales
    brokeinwales Posts: 425 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 1:59PM
    My OH and I don't - simple! We have been together for 7 years and most people think it is really strange but we just eat completely different food at completely different times so it makes no sense for us to buy together. When we have kids then we will readdress the issue but for now it works just fine!

    Interesting.... Just out of curiosity, do you each do a seperate food shop?
    I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who begrudged me throwing something in the trolley just because they might not eat it.

    I wonder about this a bit - I mean it's OK for a couple of things (say, one of you likes tomatoes and the other doesn't), but if you were with someone who had a seriously different diet to you (say, one super health vegan gluten free whatever and one committed carnivore with a penchant for steak and chips who really didn't like vegetables) - then surely that could get really tricky. In terms of cooking and meal planning as well as shopping... particularly if the content of one diet far exceeded the cost of the other. (That's just speculation by the way, I don't think my situation would ever be that bad!)
  • elvis86
    elvis86 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    How

    Oh god no that's not it at all! I've no objection to him purchasing meat. I even buy bacon for him if I see some cheap when I pop into the corner shop by myself!

    I was actually more concerned about the opposite problem - that he might resent paying the extra for all my "fancy" food, when his solo grocery bill is generally so tiny in comparison to mine.

    Also about the fact we'd probably be eating together most days, as opposed to just two or three days a week., so there might be mor eneed for a bit of "synergy"

    I think you'll be fine then. Veggie meals 3 or 4 nights a week (which, if you're a good cook, will probably still work out cheaper than stuff he was buying), a bit of meat for him the other nights (maybe you still have the same veg etc but you substitute the meat for something veggie?), and enough doughnuts to keep your OH happy.:)
  • nzmegs
    nzmegs Posts: 1,055 Forumite
    My husband and I shop separately as i am veggie (hopeful vegan!) too and he likes his meat and sweets. he takes his trolley and i take mine and we pay for it all together. there is a good chance his costs significantly more than mine but it isn't an issue as we share our money.My OH even cooks his own dinners (and the kids) while i cook for myself. It works in our house, but it isn't for everyone.

    I think you should simply continue to buy your food separately or have a "snacks" fund for your OH which he pays for.

    perhaps over the next few weeks you should compare your shopping till receipts and see what the monetary difference is. your OH can then contribute a little extra if it looks like he eats more and spends more. you might be surprised tho that eating healthy often costs a little more. I find that my fruit and veg comes to around half of my shopping bill and his is much less.

    perhaps you could ask your OH to keep his snack foods to his lunchtimes and buy them himself if you are willing to compromise and agree to a nice dessert after each meal. there are plenty of vegan ones you could make which he will enjoy too.

    essentially living together means compromises of all sorts and it is good you are thinking of the pitfalls now. Having a clear idea of how this will work will prevent arguments later. Some couples who have different incomes agree to pay a percentage of the household costs to a ratio of their income. So if your OH earns 50% more he pays 50% more of the bills. leaving you both with the same percentage of your own money to spend any way you like.

    I am sure you will find your OH will be more than happy to eat the same as you if you do all the cooking. My guess is that the ready meal thing is one of convenience as he can't be bothered cooking. if you live together and the cooking is taken care of his need for these foods might diminish. he can get his meat fix at any other time of the day. he knows that you are vegan and obviously respects that so i doubt he will be bothered about his meat in the evenings.
  • Rebekah24
    Rebekah24 Posts: 544 Forumite
    I am in the exact same situation, I am vegetarian my OH eats meat but is a strict bodybuilder and eats certain foods on set cycles etc.

    I do one online order. Then we split the cost. Works out pretty simply. I organise my meals and help with his where he wants help, otherwise he prepares his own.

    Really simple, some things work out cheaper - stuff we share - like offers on fruit, veg and salad stuff. Obviously meat offers etc are not any use!!

    Hope that is some help... x
    OU Law student
    May Grocery challenge
    £30/ £11
  • tanith
    tanith Posts: 8,091 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    OH and I have been married for over 15yrs and now I buy his food and my food.. lol..... he eats what I would term quick and easy and likes meat and two veg , pies, sausages, no salad and hardly any fruit and fry ups.... you get my drift.. whereas I like to cook from scratch and will eat just about anything.. I do the shopping and buy what I know he'll like and buy what I know I want.. we may have the same meal 2 or 3 times a week but the rest of the time I cook two different meals... its something I've come to live with.. its a pain though.. we've been through the 'I'll change his eating habits for something better', didn't work he just likes what he likes and I've now given up trying to make him eat healthy...
    You sound like you are both willing to give and take and you'll work it out fine I'm sure...
    #6 of the SKI-ers Club :j

    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke
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