combining your shopping when you first move in with your OH!

Wootball

As soon as I moved in with the missus, we closed our single bank accounts and set up a joint account with both our pay going into it. Everything we buy, regardless of who it is and what it is they buy, comes out of it. I have absolutely no care at all about percentages or who earns what - we both spend from the same bucket whatever we need to spend. I earn more than she does, but what's mine is hers and vice versa. I can't really imagine it any other way.

Amber07

I think you're making too much of it tbh

brokeinwales wrote: »

I was actually more concerned about the opposite problem - that he might resent paying the extra for all my "fancy" food, when his solo grocery bill is generally so tiny in comparison to mine. "

If he loves you he won't care if you spend a little more on your food. You say he quite happily eats your stuff, so it will then become 'his food' as well .

brokeinwales wrote: »

Also about the fact we'd probably be eating together most days, as opposed to just two or three days a week., so there might be mor eneed for a bit of "synergy"

You eat 'your' food on the days you are together - he can have his meaty stuff when you're not eating together. You're very lucky to be able to say he isn't fussy.

I honestly can't see your problem - he sounds easy to please food-wise, and he will surely understand that the food bill will go up somewhat, but as long as he is eating well I doubt he will worry about it even half as much as you are

podperson

I'm veggie and my partner isn't - we just tend to do a main online shop, so we'll get the main staples and then both throw our own things in. I'll generally cook more so I'll just ask him if he wants what I'm having - and if not he sorts himself something out.

minerva_windsong

I've had this conversation with my boyfriend who I'm moving in with next weekend - not so much about what we buy (although reducing his reliance on frozen stuff might not be a bad thing, though I do recognise some frozen bits are a good idea!), but about our 'shopping styles'. I am the person who goes to the shop once a week with a list based on planning meals for the week, buys everything I need in one go and then only goes maybe once more for a 'top-up' of things like bread and milk, whereas he is much more of the 'grab what I need to make tea every night' type, and I'm not entirely sure how we're going to tackle it.

The plan is that we will each cook three nights a week and then go out for tea or get a takeaway on the other night, so presumably we can reach a happy medium that way with our own styles of shopping - I just hope he doesn't use it as an excuse to go mad with the cash (we're not exactly on a budget but I'm of the view that the more money we can save the better).

brokeinwales

nzmegs - just wanted to give an extra special thanks for taht post, it was excellent!

It's actually fascinating reading about how different people handle this you know - I'm obviously a right nosy parker!

nervousftb_3

I'm veggie and my partner is very much a commited meat-eater! I do all the shopping as I do all the cooking (we pay for it 50/50, but it is always me that physically goes to the shops!). We have both had to compromise slightly in our diets to make life a bit easier for me - OH now eats pasta a lot more than he would probably choose to, and I eat more 'meat and 2 veg' style meals (obviously with some sort of quorn substitute) than I would like.

I then try my best to make the meals as similar as possible to save me any extra work - pasta is easy, I cook pasta and a veggie sauce, then cook some chicken separately to add to his meal. Things like curry, chilli, etc I make the basic veggie sauce all together first, then split into two and add meat to one and quorn to the other.

OH also eats a heck of a lot more than me as he's pretty tall and muscly and I'm fairly small, and he likes lots of cakes/biscuits etc that I wouldn't buy for just me, but to be honest it all seems to just work itself out. We pay 50/50 for all bills in the house so we do the same for food, even though strictly speaking he probably eats 80% of it!!! Although to make up for the inequality I often sneak expensive beauty items into the trolley that I hide from him :rotfl:

brokeinwales

minerva_windsong wrote: »

The plan is that we will each cook three nights a week and then go out for tea or get a takeaway on the other night, so presumably we can reach a happy medium that way with our own styles of shopping - I just hope he doesn't use it as an excuse to go mad with the cash (we're not exactly on a budget but I'm of the view that the more money we can save the better).

Just wanted to say good luck! It sounds like a good compromise to me. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who worries about these things!

londoner1998

brokeinwales wrote: »

Interesting.... Just out of curiosity, do you each do a seperate food shop?



I wonder about this a bit - I mean it's OK for a couple of things (say, one of you likes tomatoes and the other doesn't), but if you were with someone who had a seriously different diet to you (say, one super health vegan gluten free whatever and one committed carnivore with a penchant for steak and chips who really didn't like vegetables) - then surely that could get really tricky. In terms of cooking and meal planning as well as shopping... particularly if the content of one diet far exceeded the cost of the other. (That's just speculation by the way, I don't think my situation would ever be that bad!)

I just can't understand what the problem is… but I detect some 'food anxiety' going on here.
You say: 'He does eat all the healthy stuff happily - it's just he always has to follow it up with a doughnut!'
Is this a problem for you? Does this annoy you? If so, I suspect money is not the problem, but rather that you are worried about his unhealthy options and somehwat critical or scepctical about them.
My OH and I are similar to you and your OH- I don’t normally eat meat and when we met I was very strict about what I ate- he is very laid back, enjoys food a lot and likes his meat-and this realxed attitude, was very beneficial for me, as I became healthier in my appraoch.
The money question doesn't even come up in my head- we separate all bills 50/50 and food is not exception, including meat (even though I might eat meat twice a year!) and very often I will buy him thinsg I know he enjoys, even though I woduln't eat it in a million years. If I buy something more specific, ie a supplement or something like that I might need because of my diet, I pay for it. But everything else is shared and is very flexible- our diet is mainly vegetarian .
I think you are thinking too much… relax and go with the flow- let him worry about his shipping trolley!

spugzbunny

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm sure it works for you, but to me this is just a bit...weird.:(

The only reasons I can think of for doing it, are if you were constantly arguing with your partner about what went in the trolley and you both begrudged paying for each other's food (eg "Why should I put 50p towards her apples when I don't like them?:mad:").

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who begrudged me throwing something in the trolley just because they might not eat it.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
hahaha! Cheers for that - better go and break up with him then! I know some things are strange but not buying food together is really high up on my wierd-ometer

Before anyone sneaks through my old posts, I have only been working away from home for 6/7 weeks now so this is all pre-then.

It works for us. He hates to share with a passion where he has been known to throw his dinner in the bin out of protest if I steal a chip. He is also a veg-a-phobe! I am on a diet. We both like to eat as soon as we get in and we both have variable working hours depending on how busy our day is.

And yes- seperate shops. Seperate cars. Seperate days.

brokeinwales

You say: 'He does eat all the healthy stuff happily - it's just he always has to follow it up with a doughnut!'
Is this a problem for you? Does this annoy you? If so, I suspect money is not the problem, but rather that you are worried about his unhealthy options and somehwat critical or scepctical about them.

Um... I wouldn't say it was a problem exactly. I do like to be in control of what I eat - and I do get a bit stressed sometimes if I have to eat away from home for more than a couple of meals - it upsets me how people can make a days worth of meals with no vegetables at all - and then I have to spend the next week feeling bloated, lethargic and spotty. (I think one of the reasons I first considered going from vegetarian to vegan was because people were constantly feeding me macaroni cheese!). Not to exagerate that I have a major problem - I like a bowl of chips and ketchup or a bar of chocolate now and then like everybody, but I very much like to have a say in the matter, rather than it be the only thing available.

So - yeah I guess you could be right that I'm a bit uptight about it and that's why I'm worrying more than strictly necessary!