MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

mrsapplehead

My daughter has been a bridesmaid three times (three times a bridesmaid, never a bride so they say- that's money saving for the future!) and we have never been asked to pay for her dress.

On a slightly different note, when my cousin was married a few years ago, she decided to have her wedding meal at one of a well known chain of American Diners (can you imagine?). Then a few weeks before the wedding she paid a visit to each family member with a menu from which to select your meal and a request for a £5.00 deposit!! The balance was to be paid on the day! We were all so shocked that we just paid up but since then I have told this story many times and have yet to find anyone who has been asked to pay for their own meal at a wedding.

kedj

You shouldnt be asked to pay. But then my daughter would be heartbroken, if she missed her chance to be a bridesmaid - so I would reluctantly foot the bill for her dress. It would mean cutting back on some non-essential expenses though.. like wedding presents!

drisco

I am having 4 bridesmaids at my wedding in 6 weeks and we're paying for everything - dresses, bags, shoes, hair dressers, the lot.

I was a bridesmaid in April and as we are doing the bride & groom paid for everything.

queenv_2

It is NOT traditional for Bridesmaids to buy their own dress's especially the parents of a child bridesmaid. It is considered that a grown-up bridesmaid should offer to pay for her dress as a contribution to the wedding party. If the Bride buys them she has every right to ask for them back and sell them on, which would not happen if the bridesmaid bought hers, certainly not tradition and no couple planning to get married should ask a child bridesmaids parents to foot the bill, UNLESS they consider this a financial contribution as a wedding gift!

nikkie

Actually- it is a tradition for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (shoes etc optional). stems back to comments/thoughts in the 'olden days' that the bridesmaid should be pleased they've been selected as a bridesmaid etcetc and the least they can do is buy the dress themselves... or something like that! (it's customery [sp?] for the couple to buy the bridesmaid a gift for on the day as a thankyou... i wouldn't feel happy about accepting that if they'd forked out for a dress as well!).
When I (one day) get married i expect whoever i ask to buy their own dress. mainly because i had to buy mine the 2 times i've done it!! (my shoes, hair and makeup were all paid for though).

When my sister got married she allowed you to pick any style/design you wanted... as long as the style/design came with the same colour options! (which 95% did). i have managed to reuse both the 2 dresses of mine through formal do's... and i've worn the basque/top half of one "dress" several times with black trousers (so choose seperates if you want more re-wear out of something!).
As for getting the bride to pay- no. i don't agree. this dress is custom cut/fit to each specific person... and if they pay you should give them back to the couple after the wedding cause they technically own it!
As for ushers etc- they can be covered by the couple if they want- up to the people involved really as for who pays for that- and everything!
Mainly because the rent of these items is considerably cheaper than the bridesmaids stuff.

if a couple chose something that was REALLY expensive then i'd just tell them I couldn't afford it.

This is only my opinion though... I think in this day and age who pays should be down to the people involved.

JimmyTheWig

mrsapplehead wrote: »

On a slightly different note, when my cousin was married a few years ago, she decided to have her wedding meal at one of a well known chain of American Diners (can you imagine?). Then a few weeks before the wedding she paid a visit to each family member with a menu from which to select your meal and a request for a £5.00 deposit!! The balance was to be paid on the day! We were all so shocked that we just paid up but since then I have told this story many times and have yet to find anyone who has been asked to pay for their own meal at a wedding.

I can sort of see the logic in this.
If you haven't got the money to pay for a big do, what do you do?

As long as the food was decently priced (when I first read "a well known chain of American Diners" I thought it was a McWedding! - but not with a £5 deposit) I wouldn't mind paying to join the wedding breakfast. But I think there should be an option of rejoining the bride and groom at the reception for those who didn't want to eat there.
But as I said before, I would only accept this if it was a wedding on a shoe-string. I would be most peeved to pay for dinner to find out the married couple were going on a round-the-world cruise for their honeymoon, or had booked the Ritz for the reception.

hotgyal

This couple should have advised at the outset that you would be expected to foot the bill for your daughters dress. This should have been discussed with you, before participation was discussed with your daughter. You would then have had the opportunity to discuss budgets, before your daughter got excited about being asked to be a bridesmaid.

Why are they asking you to foot the bill for the bridemaid dress, if they can afford a lavish wedding?. Surely this costing should have been included in their budget for the wedding , after all bridemaids must have been a consideration from the outset.

As a compromise you could offer to foot part of the bill if they cannot afford to, and to save your daughter disappointment, but do not stretch yourself beyond your means.

vikkilomas84

If the dress/outfit was a one off never to be worn again item, then the bride should pay for it. If it is off the rack or an outfit that can be worn on an average day then the bridesmaid should foot the bill as they will get additional useage from it.

For my wedding i paid for the dresses as i was selling them on afterwards but the shoes underwear and accessories the bridesmaids paiid for as they could keep them and use tham all again.

jwo

mrsapplehead wrote: »

Then a few weeks before the wedding she paid a visit to each family member with a menu from which to select your meal and a request for a £5.00 deposit!! The balance was to be paid on the day!

That's hilarious! My brother is to be my best man in ~14 months time. He phoned me to ask me if he would have a "plus one", as we've yet to sort out lists. My fiance and I agreed on the provision that she would have to pay for her own meal. Of course it was a joke but his reply was "...oh, yeah, sure, of course, totally..."

It seems the element of surprise is the key to getting people to pay for their own stuff! :shocked:

nikkie wrote: »

Actually- it is a tradition for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (shoes etc optional). stems back to comments/thoughts in the 'olden days' that the bridesmaid should be pleased they've been selected as a bridesmaid etcetc and the least they can do is buy the dress themselves... or something like that! (it's customery [sp?] for the couple to buy the bridesmaid a gift for on the day as a thankyou... i wouldn't feel happy about accepting that if they'd forked out for a dress as well!).
When I (one day) get married i expect whoever i ask to buy their own dress. mainly because i had to buy mine the 2 times i've done it!! (my shoes, hair and makeup were all paid for though).

It seems to be standard these days (and fair enough, I'd have thought) for the bridal couple to pay for the bridesmaids dresses, IFF they are choosing them. Then they can choose exactly what they want and to suit their budget. You cannot expect bridesmaids to pay for anything they have had no say in! Extending the point, if the bridesmaids have or have seen a nice dress they want to wear and the bridesmaids dresses don't have to match, then great - leave them to get their own and the whole dress issue is their domain.

cmtthws

We got married 4 years ago and had 4 bridesmaids plus matron of honour. Our parents did not pay towards the wedding we did all that and had decided on one 'matron of honour' my best friend. His neices all wanted to be bridesmaids ages 12 - 18 and their parents said they would pay for the dresses if we had them. All my nieces were grown up so did not want to do. In order to make it fair we paid for headdresses and accessories but the girls got to pick their own dresses and chose ones they could wear again by either cutting it down or to proms. Generally I think the bride / groom should pay and as I didn't want to (due to budget) had decided not to have any - simple really.