MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

JimmyTheWig

cmtthws wrote: »

We got married 4 years ago and had 4 bridesmaids plus matron of honour. Our parents did not pay towards the wedding we did all that and had decided on one 'matron of honour' my best friend. His neices all wanted to be bridesmaids ages 12 - 18 and their parents said they would pay for the dresses if we had them. All my nieces were grown up so did not want to do. In order to make it fair we paid for headdresses and accessories but the girls got to pick their own dresses and chose ones they could wear again by either cutting it down or to proms. Generally I think the bride / groom should pay and as I didn't want to (due to budget) had decided not to have any - simple really.

A good example of where it is acceptable to ask them to pay for their own.

LadyJayne_2

I have just joined the forum to answer this.....15 years ago my brother asked my daughter to be a bridesmaid at his wedding to a woman 12 years older. You can imagine how excited she was and we were happy for them.
Some time later my future s-i-l, in a very embarrassing conversation informed me we would be paying for the dress etc. I did say that I did not think that was the case but she insisted. Not wanting to upset anyone, especially my daughter, we did as requested.
I was livid:mad: (and it all came back when I read this thread), we were struggling with two young children.They were both single with incomes at the time.
The dress was lovely and my daughter looked beautiful, however she had no further use for it and it hung in her wardrobe for several years before finally going to a charity shop.

I have since heard that it is tradition, but in my opinion it is one that should be dropped, happily most people do.:T

Sorry for the rant.

draughty

bridesmaid being asked to pay for own dress - well, normally I'd say unless the bride paid, then my daughter wouldn't be going BUT you state your daughter is very excited, and therefore, would be bitterly disappointed so I'd suggest talking to the bride, explain cost too much for you, but perhaps be prepared to pay half, purely for your daughter's sake - we all squeeze ourselves financially sometimes for something important, and I feel, for your daughter's sake, this is very important (who knows, the bride may then offer to pay the whole lot - which she should do anyway!).

pineapple

It's so long since I was involved in any of this, I can't remember who paid for what! Except that even 30 or 40 years ago when I married, people were foregoing 'tradition' in favour of more equitable arrangements. In any case I am pretty sure it is not tradition for bridesmaids to be responsible for their own dresses. Whatever - I would think it unfair to drop this on the bridesmaid's family at a late stage. And if they can't afford it, they can't afford it. They need to be honest about the situation and ask for the whole to be paid for - or at least a major part of it. And if she can't be a bridesmaid because of this, it's sad but such is life.

rae73

This is awful! The couple shouldnt put you in that position! If they want your daughter to wear a particular dress they should pay for it!
If they want their wedding to look "perfect" they should be prepared to pay for it, or be ready to compromise with you buying an alternate cheaper outfit if you are willing/able.
Weddings cause so much b****y hassle!! People should remember it is the marriage that is important, not just one Big Day!! (sorry for RANT!!)

Maid_Marion_3

I don't understand the comment which said it is traditional for the bride to choose and the bridesmaids to pay - that is utter nonsense. Tradition is that the bride's parents pay! Obviously, these days not everyone follows tradition due to finances but I would have thought that discussion should have taken place first if the bridesmaids were expected to pay. That's is just plain courtesy/good manners.

I agree the bride should pay. It's her wedding why should it be at the expense of everyone else. They will receive presents from guests and naturally from the bridesmaids (or their families if young bridesmaids).

I was flabbergasted when (over 10 years ago) my children were asked to be bridesmaids for my sister in law to be and was told that the dresses were to be hired and not purchased.

I was not told that I was expected to pay for the dress hire until my daughters had tried the dresses on in the shop and the outfitter was awaiting a deposit. (Very, very uncomfortable for me. Thankfully I had my credit card with me.) I had even picked HER up in my car and had been left to pay for the carpark too!

Bad enough having to pay but even worse not to be asked if you were prepared to before agreeing for my two girls to be bridesmaids. At least if I had been warned, I could have turned it down without them knowing.

Furthermore, on complaining to the bride, she told me she expected me to pay for thier flowers and headresses too at £30 each! I refused totally and so my mother in law paid (so as not to upset the bride) and I said that I felt we had contributed sufficiently to the wedding and refused to buy them a gift. (The dresses cost over £100 each to hire and I was only working a few hours a week at the time as I was not in a well enough paid job to afford a babyminder.)

Sorry if some of you out their think I was mean but apart from the principle, we just did not have that sort of spare cash.

funkydiamond

Hi
I think this is down to each seperate wedding. It's similar to should the parents pay?

My wedding, I had one Bridesmaid. My husband and I financed our own wedding, i chose what she wore and paid for it (even though she still wanted to change my colour scheme to suit her!) However I also had 7 nieces of varying ages whom wanted to be bridesmaids. Should I have paid for them too? i suggested that if they all purchased similar dresses (high street of course) in a colour of my choice and matching shoes then I would be happy to have them escort me down the aisle. Luckily I didnt have sister in laws threating not to attend the wedding if they're angels weret bridesmaids. Its not just the brides that turn into monsters!! You have to make a decision, explain your reasonings and stick to your guns. It is the brides day after all

wendywitch

As far as I'm concerned if someone asks you to be their bridesmaid they should pay.

mini66

Hmmm,
I'm not a happy bunny today. I have just encountered a similar problem. My 18 yr old daughter, (who is still in 6th form) had been asked to sing at her best friend's big sister's wedding.

That's was fine. Until she informed my daughter she wanted her in pink. So we had to go searching for a suitable pink dress. Obviously being a classical singer it had to look the part. I therefore have had to cough up £80 for the pretty pink dress!!!!

Some brides just don't think.

I have consoled myself with the thought that Ru will be earning from her wedding singing soon, so it is an investment.

Mini

kevgy

this is just exploiting the bridesmaids excitement. if the bridesmaid is required to where a specific outfit, the bride/groom should provide it. general colour requirement which can be worn again might be tolerable.