MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

Morporkian

connolsm wrote: »

In Canada and the US it is tradition for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dress, even if the style and colour is chosen by the bride. I and other of my friends who live in the UK do NOT understand why friends and family who are asked to be bridesmaids do not see it as an honour and consider it an imposition to have to pay for their own dress. It is a small cost compared to the cost that the bride and groom (if their parents are not paying for the wedding) have to pay to treat their closest friends and family to a reception.
Of course they want to have a posh reception - who wouldn't, it is supposed to be the best day of your life and you want to make it memorable for your guests, however, I think it's inexcusable that people complain about having to pay for a bridesmaids dress, it is an honour to be chosen - shouldn't be a burden.

You seem to be forgetting that the UK has a rather larger history than that of the USA or Canada.

Yes, it is an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid. HOWEVER, the Father of the Bride was always the one who paid for the wedding and anything that entailed.
A family was giving away their daughter, and usually a large endowment, to another family. Usually, the Grooms family had picked them because of what they offered and so it was up to them to provide everything for the wedding because they had to show that proof once more, through the wedding.

Tradition is a wonderful thing. To have people - with a far shorter history - come along as tell everyone about the "great honour" etc and that it means they should pay for everything themselves is an utter joke, to be honest.
If this dilema occured in the UK, then it should follow our traditions. Other countries can follow their own :P

Just be glad we are not in Greece where they have 4 (?) day "weddings" with lots of dinners etc and you have to put money in the pot each time. All money collected over these days goes to the Bride & Groom to start their new life together ( It seems wonderful actually. Just a bit "odd" to me, obviously, as I am English. I would never tell them it was wrong though!!!).

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My response to this dilema: Being presented in the UK, the Bride - or whoever is paying - should pay for the dress, or the parents of said bridesmaid should withdraw her from the wedding. Obviously, she could still go as a guest and something suitable and within their budget could be found

pinkhammy

I got married 10 yrs ago and we paid for everything. The bridesmaids dress, hair, make up, shoes etc. Also the hire of kilts for the best man, ushers etc as thats what we wanted for our day. Also we were getting married in Scotland (we live in Northern Ireland) so we covered the hotel costs for the people we had asked to be on our wedding as it was our day and didnt think it was right asking people to foot the bill, when we had asked them to come on board. We saved to get the wedding the way we wanted. Dont think its fair expecting people to pay for the "privillege" of being involved in your day.

Only my thoughts tho!:rolleyes:

blu-k

... but I thought the bridesmaids did pay for their own dresses, or at least contribute. Certainly that's been the case at a lot of the wedding's I've been to (in Aust.).

I felt it was unfair to force my bridesmaids into something they hated, so asked them to buy something that wouldn't clash with my dress (which wasn't white) and would hopefully not clash with each other.

I didn't pay for them, but I also didn't expect them to spend a lot.

I think the tradition might have come from the old-fashioned notion that being chosen as a bridesmaid was 'an honour' ... people may feel differently these days!

banwa

jennijenjenjen wrote: »

why would you expect all the reception drinks to be paid for at every wedding reception?

I was wondering that too

Kirstenm1976

I always thought the bride paid, but i am getting married in November and one of my bridesmaids offered to pay for her dress. I kept saying "are you sure?" but she was adamant and said it was quite common these days. I'm paying for my other bridesmaid's dress, and i'm her bridesmaid next year and she's paying for mine! I have chosen dresses that can also be worn again :-)

banwa

There is no way that couples getting married should ask other people to pay for their fairy tale wedding day. You have the wedding you can afford. If you can’t afford 5 bridesmaid dresses, and it puts the people who are close to you in the uncomfortable position of being saddled with a bill for your wedding day, then the maths is fairly simple, don’t have 5 bridesmaids.
I get married in 7 weeks. I budgeted £300 on bridesmaid dresses, which means I can afford 1 bridesmaid and 1 flower girl. I would love to have all my friends as bridesmaids but I can’t afford it. I let my 1 bridesmaid pick her own dress although we both love what we found, it is a gorgeous cocktail dress that she can and will wear again and again. And despite the fact that she is a successful business woman I will not let her pay even though she keeps offering.
You have been put in a very awkward position and I would be quite angry. Tell the bride that you won’t be paying for a dress and if this means that she changes her mind about your daughter taking part then it is SHE (the bride) that must sit down with her and explain. They absolutely should have consulted with you before they committed your money to their wedding day and it is completely unreasonable to expect you to be the big baddie who says no.
Hopefully this will shame them into doing to correct thing and paying for their bridesmaid’s dress

littlesos

I only had a maid of honour (she was my witness for my civil ceremony) and she wore what she wanted and paid for it, I don't think that she bought the dress specially for our wedding though. If I had selected something for her to wear or was specific about colours/styles I would have expected to foot the bill.

KathyRich

My half sister got married a while ago she had 8 bridesmaids, three of which were my girls. I was not expecting to have to pay anything, but was informed that the mother of two of the other bridesmaids and page boy was going to pay for their outfits. We were put in a very difficult position because the bride and groom "had no money" and my father was paying for this "very expensive wedding" If we had refused to pay then the bill would have gone to my
retired father. My husband was working overseas at the time and everyone assumed that we could afford it. The dresses all had to be handmade - because having 8 bridesmaids it was difficult to buy off the peg. Our bill came to £800 for dresses my girls didn't like and never wore again. After buying a wedding present and paying for 2 rooms at the hotel this wedding cost us a
staggering £1,250.00. !!!

You would think we learned out lessons, but when my other half-sister got
married the same thing happened again and we had set a precident.

My advice would be to say that you can afford a set amount say £50 or £100
and stick to it. When a bride is arranging her fairytale wedding - I'm afraid
your financial situation is way down the list of priorities!!!

davecee

When my wife and I were married 34years ago we had to be thrifty and we had three bridesmaids....All the girls dresses were made by members of the family and the three girls looked a treat..Nowadays the cost of having so many bridesmaids is exhorbitant...The bride should cost the dress in with all her other expenses for the big day...After all when the bride and groom are married virtually everyone will buy them a present of some description and that would include the bridesmaids present...So why in a sense is the bridesmaid having to pay out twice both for her present and also for the right to wear a dress which ,on occasion, she has no choice in.
The answer to your question is no she shouldnt have to pay for her dress and if the bride insisted then the bridesmaid has the option to gracefully stand down.....after all not everyone can afford £200 for a dress...

tiny_toad

Grrr this makes me so angry I had to join up just to reply to this! NO WAY should you pay for the dress.
I got married 18 months ago and had no bridesmaids exactly because of this issue. We could not afford to buy bridesmaid dresses so we didn't have them-simple as that. Having watched my sister the previous year spend hundreds of pounds on quite frankly hideous dresses, and in one case a lot of money on travelling three counties away to have the vile dress made and fitted(when it arrived the day before the wedding our Mum spent that night refitting and mending it because of the awful state it arrived in) I wondered how anyone could put a friend through that. These people had assumed that my sister would pay because of the 'honour' of being their bridesmaid. Having to pay for expensive hen weekends abroad, wedding gifts, hair and makeup and dodgy accessories doesn't sound like much of an honour to me! The point of a wedding is to get married to the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, not to show your friends you can co-ordinate dresses and napkins. My Dad paid for some of our wedding and the rest we paid for or made ourselves, our guests served themselves from our hogroast, we decorated the village hall with ivy and holly from friends gardens and it was great, and at the end of that day we owed no money to anyone. Oh and my sister's dresses? At home getting dusty in a cupboard, even though they were meant to be ones she could wear again.