Redsquirrel's 'Striving For Better Days' Diary

redsquirrel80

Oh no, not another diary! I've shied away from doing this for a long time, but I'm starting to feel guilty about hijacking other people's threads with my moaning so often, so here I am!

The title is inspired by a quote from one of my favourite writers, Paul Theroux... "I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better."

I have, to be blunt, been a complete miserable cow the last week or so, what with a lack of money, feeling like I'll never pay off my debts, trying (and failing) to get a new job, and generally feeling dissatisfied with life. I moved to a new part of the country about 18 months ago to be closer to OH, and while I am glad about that, we've had some really turbulent times and I seem to spend a lot of time on my own feeling sorry for myself. My best friends are all assorted differences away, so seeing them involves spending money, and the new friends that I've made here all have busy lives, kids, etc so nights out are a bit infrequent. I'm really tired of fighting everything and feeling negative about everything, so I'm attempting to have a new more positive attitude to life, and get out and do things and maybe meet some more people. Despite the fact I can witter on on here for hours, I'm quite shy in real life so this isn't going to be easy.. but for my own sanity I've got to make the effort!

Debt-wise... I did the pretty typical, get an overdraft as soon as I turned 18, student credit card etc, and never paid it all off. I actually got into quite a comfortable position money-wise at one point, living with my ex, he bought a flat, I helped pay the mortgage.. but I was desperately unhappy. I ended up leaving with nothing (except for my share of a 'joint' loan that I didn't know about to pay off!)... ended up taking out more cards, getting a loan to pay them off but running them up again... same old story! A few ago I decided to go back to Uni which was financially disasterous and I stopped being able to pay the minimum payments on my cards and loan - but didn't stop using them :rolleyes: I started repaying properly once I'd moved here and started my new job, by which time most of them had been passed on to DCAs. I had my lightbulb moment I suppose when OH and I first discussed debt, and he asked me how much I owed - and I finally had to add it all up!

This is a little bit scary to post up but my current SOA is something like...

Incomings
Salary - £1004 (plus whatever I can make via Quidco, surveys etc)

Outgoings
Rent (incl gas, elec & water) - £500
Council Tax - £59
Phone/ Internet - £45
TV License - £12
Food/ cleaning/ toiletries - £50-60
DVD rental - £6 (yeah I know )
Charity donation - £6 (actually I'm not sure if this is still coming off, must check)

---

Total - £678-688

Debts
Marbles - balance £2633 - min pymt £50 - 0% (frozen interest)
Moorcroft 1 - balance £1362 - min pymt £30 - 0%
Moorcroft 2 - balance £405 - min pymt £35 - 0%
Debt Managers Ltd - balance £4400 - min pymt £50 - 0%

---

Total balance £8800 - monthly pymts £165

I do also have an overdraft and two student loans but I'm ignoring them until everything else is dealt with!

Remaining - £161 - which goes on nights out, clothes, bus fares, the odd lunch bought at work and general odds and ends.

I'd really like to get the debt paid off before I'm 30 (start of 2010) but without a better job or a miracle it's not looking very likely, will do my best though, whilst hopefully keeping enough balance so I can try to enjoy life. I've arranged to go on holiday with some friends at the end of next month which is ending up costing me more than I expected, but I should be able to just cover it through 'extra' money that I've saved up and scrimping for the next couple of months!

Will stop rambling now, except to say that without all the support and lovely people on here I wouldn't have made anything like the progress I already have done. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! x

pania

yay!!! happy new diary!!! xxxx (post more later when i'm not meant to be working, but chin up hon. everyones entitled to feel down once in a while. big hugs to one of the friendliest people i know. xxx)

(Land_of)_Maz

I'm subscribing hun, so keep updating!

Re feeling like a miserable cow over the last week, it's probably coming off a high after the moonwalk, that's all.

Thanks for the texts yesterday re my wee race, it was nice to get some support!

poorandindenial

Hi Red

I thought I would just say hi on your shiny new diary thread, I haven't been around much this last week but I hope that you start to feel better about everything soon.

I went on an awful 'leadership' course several years ago and the only useful thing I learned was the idea of setting yourself a goal and then doing one task a day towards it. Basically the way it was taught to us was that you write down (on the first of the month) as many tasks as there are days in the month that will take you towards where you want to go. Then you make sure that you do just one task a day. It can be something really small like 'drop bags of crap off to charity shop' or bigger things like 'research employment opportunities and apply for three jobs' but they all have to be doable. Because you see the tasks crossed off you get motivated as the list gets shorter. This sort of approach might help you to feel like you are making progress towards sorting everything out (or it might be your idea of hell)

Fingers crossed for everything for you and I look forward to following your diary (I am subscribing now as I am hopeless at following diaries normally)

Take care hun and see you soon in here or the owls or the daily thread or.....

redsquirrel80

Thanks P

Maz, you're welcome, your texts really helped to keep me going on Moonwalk night!

Poor, that sounds worth a try. I don't usually 'do' lists, but found it really helpful this weekend when I had a load of housework and no motivation.

Talking of lists I posted this up yesterday as my aims for July (which is actually today till 22nd July, thanks to odd paydays!)...

- have £400 left in the bank at the end of the month (23rd) as I go on holiday on 24th!
- finish the BBC online beginners Italian I've been doing before I go there.
- finish online course I've been doing with BT Adult Learning Centre and get certificate printed out for that.
- do something every evening before I switch the PC on and stop eating my tea in front of it.. I've got into a habit of coming straight in from work, having been in front of a PC all day and just switching it on and spending all evening in front of it as well. So going to try to do something - whether it's go for a run, do a bit of knitting, read a bit of a book - and make my tea and eat it, before I switch it on.
- do first four weeks of running training plan (aiming towards a 10k in September).
- keep to my grocery budget.
- get up before 8am on work days.
- generally try to do more and be more sociable/ meet people.. not quite sure what this is going to consist of yet!

Some individual goals for each day would be good though I think, so today's is to go for a run when I get home - need to wear off the pub lunch that I've just had for workmate's birthday!

pania

hon can you pop that linky up for the italian course again please? love the goals! sounds great!

redsquirrel80

pania wrote: »

hon can you pop that linky up for the italian course again please? love the goals! sounds great!

I'm doing this one - http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/italian/lj/ - is quite good and easy to follow, even if I do feel a bit daft talking to the computer screen

Lucy1982_2

how about doing something in the evenings to be more sociable? I am terrible for thi, but tonight Mum and I are going to our first aquafit class :eek:

I am terrifed, but we should get to meet some new people. Good luck with the new diary!

beanielou

Lookinf forward to reading your diary Red.

skint_spice

ooo - I love a new diary me! look forward to reading yours squizz and you owe about the same as me so that helps with the inspiration!

redsquirrel80

Thanks everyone. Yep Lucy I keep thinking about doing something in the evenings but not sure what - the thought of walking into somewhere on my own is quite daunting, daft I know! But... tonight I walked home and noticed that the library was open late so popped in and picked up a few leaflets about walking groups and some dance/ exercise classes so I WILL have a think about going along to something (promise )

Went for a run when I got in, bit easier than the other day though I think I need to find a route that doesn't start going uphill! Came in, made my tea and ate it at the table and NOT in front of the computer, then went to go online and my internet wouldn't connect.. I wonder if it felt neglected?! :rotfl:

Tomorrow's little goals.. start one of the application forms I've got to do... get up before 8am (didn't manage that today)... and I somehow agreed to go and play rounders in the park after work! A group have been going up for the last few weeks but I've not joined in out of shyness (I don't know them all that well) and fear of looking completely daft.. but I won't chicken out tomorrow (unless it rains!)

Quick note moneywise.. not had a payday splurge, only spent 90p on a bus and £4.80 on lunch (one off birthday thing for workmate, was really nice though and we'll definitely be going back to that pub for more cheap food )

Just remembered I started running a bath about half an hour ago.. better go check.... :eek: