how to get wife to support my budgeting activity

rchddap1

I'm down to my last suggestion of simply reducing how much you give her saying "I need it for the mortgage".

£20 a month won't do it on its own, but if both you and your partner work together you can do it. £20 here, £10 there, £5 somewhere else...its all adds up. Personally I've save £100s thanks to this site. Others have been in £000s worth of debt, and have come out the otherside in one peice without bankrupcy in tow.

You are doing all you can, and from the looks of things you've done very well. Some people won't get the moneysaving message until they have no choice in the matter. Looks like your wife is one of them.

calleyw

MPwannasavemoney wrote:

OK the shopping is that high because:

1) Food intolerances - so we can't just buy anything
2) Food taste/dislikes - yes its funny how the more expensive stuff tastes better - but then I don't think I want to eat factory farmed chicken either thank you.

No she doesn't always do the shopping, but when she does the bill is higher, oh and we end up throwing food away that has gone out of date.

Re your last comment:
Wife: Jump!
Me: No
Wife: OK I'll jump then.
Me: what is this bill I have to pay for that says 'jump' on it and why is it so big?

how high might be the better answer - at least I have some control then?

You say food bill is high because of Food intolerances. But if you cook from scratch you will find that your bill will drop and you can allow for any food intolerances.

Fine if you don't want to eat factory farmed chicken have you tried your local butcher. Might be a tad more expensive then a supermarket but the quality will be better.

This may sound really rude but I think you need to get a back bone. Seems like your wife has always ruled your household. Time to take control back.

This whole business about buying toys because she did not have many when growing up. Neither did I but that does not mean I go mad buying for my step children. As I have said before there are bigger issues than money here. I really think she needs to talk to someone if not nothing will change.


Yours

Calley

MPwannasavemoney

I can't agree with the £250 a month assesment. We shop at Saisbbury's. We don't buy ready made meals - they are not good for our health and my wife has food intolerances which means she can't eat 99% of them. This means lots of fresh food which is expensive. Also when a woman is pregnant / breastfeeding they eat more. I think a reasonable bill for us is about £600. I can't compare that with you as I don't know your eating habits.

But your right I can't carry on like this - I've suggested marriage guidance counselling - looks like I'll be going by myself....

MPwannasavemoney

I've tried "I need it for the mortgage". It goes in one ear and comes out the other - after all the repossession letter hasn't been written yet so its not today's problem.

I'm glad to hear that I am doing all I can - but I need help and am having trouble finding it. Does Martin do private consultations?

rchddap1

Blimey you are in a pickle. Can't hurt to ask for Martin's help. His username is MSEMartin...you could try to send him a private message. Or there is a contacts link at the bottom of every page.

P.S. You will find a lot of people on the Old Style boards who only buy fresh produce...and spend a lot less than you do.

calleyw

MPwannasavemoney wrote:

I can't agree with the £250 a month assesment. We shop at Saisbbury's. We don't buy ready made meals - they are not good for our health and my wife has food intolerances which means she can't eat 99% of them. This means lots of fresh food which is expensive. Also when a woman is pregnant / breastfeeding they eat more. I think a reasonable bill for us is about £600. I can't compare that with you as I don't know your eating habits.

But your right I can't carry on like this - I've suggested marriage guidance counselling - looks like I'll be going by myself....

Sorry but dream on £600 for 2 adults and 2 children even with one adult with food intolerances.

Sainsburys are one of the more expensive supermarkets do have any other options. I don't buy ready meals. The most ready made things I buy is quorn things. And I can eat for england so don't give me the thing about breastfeeding. I have to cook at least two and half adult portions for every meal time. As my husband needs to gain weight. And if we want left overs for lunch time 3 times the amount.

I bet any money you waste loads of food as well. I buy my veg frozen which means less waste and last longer. Buy my fruit and any fresh veg I need from a green grocers well cheaper and fresher than a supermarket.

I assume you only buy special stuff for your wife and not the whole family. Are you meals planned so that you only buy what you need rather than buying just because.

Yours

Calley

Edinburghlass_2

You know something, if you spent us much time talking to your wife and actually showing her something in writing as you have spent writing on this forum this afternoon you might actually get somewhere.



From the Main Site:

Is it possible to get personal Money Saving consultancy?

No. My work is purely as a journalist - broadcasting and writing columns. I never do personal consultancy. Sorry. All the info on the site and in the book should allow you to do your own Money Makeover though. Read through the articles and use the Chat Forum. There are millions of words of quality information.

frostyspice

You mentioned earlier in the thread that your wife is not physically fit enough to work full-time and do domestic chores (tho' none of us really feel that fit!!) and you also mentioned food intolerances. Is she actually ill? Do you think her health could be improved by help from a doctor? (that's if she's not seeing one). Are her food intolerances self-diagnosed?

Because it's easy to spend to make yourself feel better. Your wife sounds quite negative - she has rejected most of your suggestions - is she depressed?

Although it's you i have the most sympathy for, I am just wondering if your wife has any problems which are making her behave in this way. It's not a particularly loving way for a spouse to treat the breadwinner, is it.

Good luck.

mr218

you want your wife to have a lightbulb moment. but i think you need one soon as your light bulb seems to be getting extinguished

your wife is in a comfort zone and is opposed to change for emotional, psychological reasons and maybe also due to procrastination. seems like she feels that she has given birth and she takes care of the house. so she is fulfilling her part of the bargain. now it is upto you to earn enough money to keep her and her children

she needs to get out of her comfort zone and you need to take some hard steps to do so.

why not work out a budget yourself and see how much money you bring in and therefore how much you can spend.

there is no way she is going to change unless you jolt her out of her complacency. she needs to start being smart in spending money and she needs to relish or atleast derive some pleasure from saving money rather than viewing it as a drudgery.

you can make it happen either by telling it to her all the time (which is not working) or using some devious measures

although i am loath to suggesting that you need to be devious wiht your wife, i feel that she is acting like a child without looking at the consequences of her actions and does not want to face upto her financial situation (which is not really dire is it).
you need to then create a financial plan where you control the bank accouts and she has access to set amount of cash with a debit card.

how about creating an atmosphere where your car has conked off and you tell her that it needs to be replaced immediately and you dont have any money for it. meanwhile try selling your car and replace it with a newish car from the endowment policy. also tell her that you have cutbacks at work and all of you are forced to get a cutdown on salary. then you sit and show her your revised budget with your 'new ' salary

these measures will mean that your wife will have to cutdown on expenditure.

i suppose these measures are extreme, but it seems to be that you are at the end of your tether

MPwannasavemoney

We have Sainsbuy's 2 miles away, Waitrose 5 miles away, Co-op 2 miles away, M&S/Tesco 7 miles away and Morrisons 6 miles away. The market is 5 miles away. Green grocers are 2 miles away. I know if I only bought the right thing in each shop I could save money (but not £350 per month) but that is a lot of time driving around, plus you can go somewhere only to find they have run out of what you want or is not fresh or whatever.
We all eat the same, my wife can't cook different things for everyone.
My wife doesn't like the tast for frozen veg - except peas.

So, in between the busy week and weekend (I don't think I need to tell you how the time goes) there is no time left to go around the different shops.
No point asking my wife to shop round the different places - she'll go into each and spend double thus negating any savings.

I should point out though the £600 includes cleaning items (washing powder, soap etc etc).

I don't know where you live but last time we went up north we noticed the prices were lower!