OH won't move out!

r.mac_2

floss2 wrote: »

You will have to have mediation as part of the divorce process. quote]

Is this really the case? I'm not disputing - just asking, It's certainly not the case in Scotland. What is involved?

Loobysaver

r.mac wrote: »

floss2 wrote: »

You will have to have mediation as part of the divorce process. quote]

Is this really the case? I'm not disputing - just asking, It's certainly not the case in Scotland. What is involved?

It doesn't apply to me anyway as OH and I weren't married!

hobo28

He's legally entitled to live there as long as his name is on the deeds. Doesn't matter who is paying the mortgage.

Loobysaver wrote:

....as correct me if I'm wrong but I can't claim extra tax credits etc if he is still living with me.

You are unfortunately correct.

That said whilst he's living there he should be paying his way. ie. mortgage/bills etc.

Loobysaver wrote:

I can't afford to buy him out but can just about manage to pay the mortgage. Therefore I don't really know where I stand. Is the equity in the house shared equally or is it different cos of the children.

If you can't afford to buy him out then you have to sell and split the difference. Or come to a private arrangement if he's agreeable to it such as splitting the equity at a later date when kids are older.

As for sharing equity, since you are not married the equity is assumed to be 50-50. You can go to court if you cannot agree (eg. if one person put in more equity initially) but any such action is decided as a land law dispute and not family law. If you were married it would be totally different. In short having kids makes no odds unless you were married.

Pssst

Why is there such an imperative for him to leave? You both have joint ownership of the house,you both have an equal right to reside there, you both have children together. Why not just have a conversation,agree that the relationship is over and just share your joint asset?

tsstss7

loobysaver

ditto above get legal help re division of assets - in the meantime you really should at least contact the tax credits/income support/ housing agencies to see if you can make a claim - it may be possible for you to claim as you are now or will soon be separate individuals and thus no longer claiming as a couple. I've never done this myself but know of people who have been unable to get their ex's to move out and/or pay their way who made income support claims etc because of this.

Loobysaver

Pssst wrote: »

Why is there such an imperative for him to leave? You both have joint ownership of the house,you both have an equal right to reside there, you both have children together. Why not just have a conversation,agree that the relationship is over and just share your joint asset?

You obviously have a rose tinted view of relationships:rolleyes: I still love OH, he doesn't love me. Every day he is in the house is an emotional roller coaster to me and I can't move on emotionally if I am still seeing him every day.

Wouldn't it be nice if all break-ups could be civil and we could all live in harmony together!

Kimberley

Loobysaver wrote: »

You obviously have a rose tinted view of relationships:rolleyes: I still love OH, he doesn't love me. Every day he is in the house is an emotional roller coaster to me and I can't move on emotionally if I am still seeing him every day.

Wouldn't it be nice if all break-ups could be civil and we could all live in harmony together!

Looby is he civil to you when he's in the house? Is there a bad atmosphere? If so the kids will pick up on this and you don't want them affected. If things are civil between you both and there is no bad feelings in the house then i'd leave things the way they are for now and gradually set the kids up emotionally for their dad leaving later on and you can slowly come to terms with the breakup in your own time, so that when he does leave it's not so much of a big shock to you. It will be easier if there is peace in the house.

Pssst

Looby,i am well aware of the emotional issues involved but those emotional issues have to be dealt with by the individual and blame cannot be transferred to others. We are each responsible for our own lives. Your OH has a responsibility both financially and morally for the children you share. Equally you both have a stake in a joint property and both have a right to reside there. Is it assumed that a man should naturally leave the home because a relationship has come to a natural end? If so,why?

Perhaps you need to sit down and think or discuss with friends what YOUR plan is? Its probably too early to be sure but do you want to live alone,do you want to seek out new friends or perhaps a new partner?

In any case,as you are both in the house, you both need to set out rules so that you can co-operate and deal with the current situation without it having too many negative effects.

What needs to be remembered is that no one owns anyone. People are individuals and can make or break relationships if and when they like.

Whilst he is still living in his share of the house,at least there should be no issues with the flow of his share of finances. Also ,he makes a useful babysitter/child minder for when you go out socialising (which you need to do!)

Pretty soon the emotions will fade and you will both move on.

You love him...well thats fine but you can love again and I'm sure you will and when that happens you may think fondly of him and remember the good times but that will be it. You will be looking forward,not backward.

Broken_hearted

His house his kids you could move out on your own.









Not a nice though is it leaving everything.

Kimberley

Broken_hearted wrote: »

His house his kids you could move out on your own.

Thats unfair telling a mother to leave her kids. That would not even be an option for her because there is no violence.