When other people make you go grrr!!!!

Shineyhappy

Is her OH very controlling? It maybe that there is more going on behind closed doors than you realise?

Pollycat

I have this saying:
Friends are for the good times, not just the bad ones'.

I had a really good friend quite a few years ago and eventually I realised that it was like living in episodes of Eastenders every time we met. Talk about crises.
She was very ME, ME, ME.

She was happy to share the problems she had but not the good moments.
I cut her out of my life and never looked back.

Lucy, I'm not suggesting you do this but it does sound like your friend may be a bit wrapped up in herself at the moment.
If I were you, I'd tell her face-to-face that you felt hurt and let-down by her not making an effort on your birthday, then step back a little and leave her to think about it.

Lucy1982_2

Shineyhappy wrote: »

Is her OH very controlling? It maybe that there is more going on behind closed doors than you realise?

Maybe. And I am happy to talk about it and help her in any way I can. But that is no excuse to alienante(?) the people who will stand by you.

Maybe I am just being harsh and making a mountain out of a mole hill, but it has really upset me.

And to be completely honest he is a b******d!! and treats her like dirt. classic example. They have had an argument at her Dad's (they live an hour away) he has driven home and made her catch the train :mad:. She has basically become a doormat, which upsets me to and she has given up so much for him while he carries on as normal.

But again this isn't my fault, and it wouldn't have cost her much to send a text or even a card!!

Lucy1982_2

Pollycat wrote: »

I have this saying:
Friends are for the good times, not just the bad ones'.

I had a really good friend quite a few years ago and eventually I realised that it was like living in episodes of Eastenders every time we met. Talk about crises.
She was very ME, ME, ME.

She was happy to share the problems she had but not the good moments.
I cut her out of my life and never looked back.

Lucy, I'm not suggesting you do this but it does sound like your friend may be a bit wrapped up in herself at the moment.
If I were you, I'd tell her face-to-face that you felt hurt and let-down by her not making an effort on your birthday, then step back a little and leave her to think about it.

maybe I should. I just feel so bad about it.

Shineyhappy

As someone who was with someone like that, it really does your self esteem no good and you end up feeling so useless and embaressed and ashamed that you don't think your friends would want to be around you and would be better off without you. I got really lonely but I felt so worthless that I didn't want to be around people.

It maybe that she needs to ditch him before she can regain her normal relationships with people.

Lucy1982_2

That is my personal opinion. But making her see that is another matter.

Shineyhappy

I think that will only happen when she sees it, everyone hated my ex and could see how unhappy I was, I think my family were worried I would do something stupid. But I felt powerless to do anything and it took some pretty bad stuff to make me realise I needed to get out.

Lucy1982_2

I know.

But at the end of the day if she carries on treating me like this, when she does make that decision I may not be there to help her through it.

I probably should talk to her, but part of me can't be bothered, why should I be the one to make all the running?

Harsh and unfair maybe, but I feel like this is always the way things happen.

immoral_angeluk

I say talk to her. Make her see how hurt you were. Then once she know's you'll find out if she cares for you or not.

Horace

I had a friend who I met when I was at college. She veered from one relationship to another and would constantly whinge at me about them - I put up with it because she was my friend. She caused trouble when I got married by making a pass at one of the guests who gave her the brush off to the point where she stomped off home and told her mother that I hadn't invited her to the after reception party:rolleyes: I then got it in the nexk from her mother who soon backed down when I pointed out her own daughter's behaviour as she tried to ruin my special day.

I stupidly stayed in contact and then I started to realise that it was always me phoning her and not the other way round, so I made the decision not to phone her and from that day to this she has never phoned me. I now know who my true friends are, one of my newer friends even sent me a text message when I was in hospital and several times has offered a shoulder to lean on when I have needed one.

Methinks its time to let that friendship drop because it is sapping your energy and making you feel bad and friendship isnt about that.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.