When other people make you go grrr!!!!

Lucy1982_2

Hi!

Right as many of you know it was my birthday yesterday A whole 26!! :eek: I had some lovely messages from friends have and in 'real life' :rotfl: But one thing has really upset me and made me angry.

My best friend, the girl I have known since we were 14, didn't bother Not card, nothing, and she doesn't even work mondays! She waiteduntil 10pm to call, by which time I didn't want to speak to here so let my phone go over to answer phone and the message said

'Happy Birthday. There I don't feel so lonely now' :mad: :mad: :mad: What the f**k! How did she think I had been feeling all day!!!!!

Now I know it's only a small thing, but she's been caught out lying to me recently and it really hurts. Especially after I went through a lot of effort for her birthday. Now I don't have a lot of spare cash, but I made her a lovely scrapbook with loads of photo's of us since we have known each other (I am very good at this and friends have considered getting me to do their Wedding album) and I took her out for lunch (my treat)

And she can't even be bothered!!!! It's not even the amount of money I have sent on her, it doesn't cost much or take a lot to send a text message!!!

Now I am really angry with her and feel like she doesn't care. But I have no idea what to do about it The last time we had an argument (one Christmas) it was all my fault because she had to spend time with her family (i had said I was to tired to go to the pub at 11pm!! :rolleyes:) But please bare in mind she was spending christmas with her partners family as he didn't want to spend it with hers!!!

I just needed a rant, but if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. At the moment I just feel like I am being taken advantage of. My friends mean a lot to me, but obviously this isn't working both ways. :mad:

crawley_girl

My advice is that you have 2 real options
1 - Confront her
2 - Spend some time apart

As much as confrontation can be difficult, maybe this is the better option as it gives an opportunity to discuss (not shout/ explode) the issues. In this situation, I would text or email and ask to meet up to clear the air/ have a chat about your friendship etc and this gives her a chance to prepare and is not just sprung on her, which almost always ends up with the other person being on the defensive.

It's never nice being forgotten by anyone, let alone by someone who is considered a friend, despite all of this, I hope your birthday was fun!

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

Lucy1982_2

It was actually, this has just taken the shine off it!

embarrassed_about_my_debt

I've had similar things in the past and basically i decided that i'd had enough.

I left them to it, didnt text or ring and saw who rang or text me. You soon learn who your TRUE friends are

Lucy1982_2

I think I know I need to do this, I am just a fighter running out of fight on this one.

I know she is having trouble with her partner, but it is not my fault, I have offered all the advice I can and at the end of the day it will be her loss if one day she wakes up and I'm not there.

sallyx

Lucy
Its carp when so called friends just don't make the effort. I often feel like you do with a lot of my friends, I seem to make all the effort, all the calls, arranging of days/nights out and they do nothing. I got to the stage where I just decided enough was enough and those that bothered to phone me great, those that didn't I sadly lost contact with. But end of the day it really sorts out your REAL friends..not just ones that call or make the effort when they need something!

Lucy1982_2

Thank Sally.

You know when deep down you realise this, but don't want to admit it.

Looks like I might have to. Will see how long it takes her to call me back. I guess I should have realised this ages ago really. When I split up with my ex she was the 3rd person I called. I actually ran in tears to my Mum and my friend Sam (my best mates ex boyfriend )

Speaks volumes really doesn't it.

doodledo_2

I had something very similar happen with me.

I felt with this person that it was always me who made the first contact and it started to bug me.

So I backed off a bit to see what would happen.

The only problem with this is we do not always know whats going on in someones personal life but also some people just aren't like that. I mean I am the type of person who will text someone to say "hi hows you?" but others just don't feel the need to and just wait to ask you when they catch up next. If that makes sense.

OliveOyl_2

I'm sorry that you had your birthday spoiled, when you were wanting her to celebrate with you :sad:
But she sounds very wrapped up in her problems, -your birthday - but she was lonely

If you can imagine growing old with her as a friend then can you see that she is needing you now? Of course I don't know how long her misery has been going on, or whether this is her usual way of life, but my divorce took many years for me to recover from, and some of my friends put up with me sapping their kindness for years I hope now I am supportive of them, even though at my worst I was probably totally blind to their problems.

As I say, I don't know how much you've had to put up with, but I just wanted to offer an alternative view. Have a hug (()) for a spoiled day.;)

Shineyhappy

Hi Lucy!

I am sorry she was so useless, I think you should talk to her and ask her if you have upset her and that's why she called so late. It sounds like she is a little wrapped up in her own life to really think about anyone else, which is a shame. Sometimes when people get like that a quick nudge works and sometimes it doesn't.

I had a long standing best mate who had this on/off fling with a guy who was engaged to someone else. Even knowing that I didn't agree with affairs she told me all about it, every time we met up it was so she could talk about him and eventually I had enough. Let her know you are sad so she has a chance to put things right but if she isn't interested then it is her loss not yours!

Lucy1982_2

I've been there through everything, her other relationships breaking down, her Mum dying (which was terrible!) and I love her to pieces.

I do have issues with her current partner, but I am always friendly and include him whenever I suggest anyway (he never takes part though) But that is completely aside from anything else.

I know that they are having problems and I know she wants to talk, which I don't have a problem with. But everyone has this days and problems and I am happy to help whenever I can. But to my mind a friendship has to work through the problems and the fun, at the moment I feel I am only wanted when there are problems.

I would love to her be my maid of honour if I get married and godmother to any children I have, but at the moment I just feel she would let me down like last time (when I was 21 I nearly got married, she wouldn't turn up to dress appointments because current OH didn't want her to go, in the end I had to ask her to not be my maid of honour as I couldn't cope with the extra stress)

I think I am just very confused as I can't understand why she is behaving like this towards me.